I’m not sure how to go about this, I’m nervous for some reason. It’s been a while since I’ve last been nervous while talking to Vivienne.

“So, you felt like you were going to have an asthma attack and couldn’t find your inhaler, you said you had a panic attack because of that, right? Is it all right if you could go into more detail with it?”

I nodded, “Uh, yeah sure.”

At first, I was silent for a bit. Besides having to recall what happened, I just didn’t really know how to explain everything. But soon enough, the words were able to come out of my mouth.

“Having a panic attack because of an something like that has never happened before I think, so I was mostly confused and in a way terrified. It.. uh.. Before it happened, I had a glass in my hand because I just took my medication. I can’t really recall what triggered it, but I just remember that I needed my inhaler, and my asthma was already bad before it was triggered by whatever since when I was looking for it earlier, I couldn’t seem to.. uh, find it..”

“And it was the first time this happened?”

“Yes. Just as the panic attack was starting, or in the middle of it, I think I remember the glass shattering. It was still in my hand so I was probably just squeezing it tightly, I still have no idea how it did though. When the panic attack started, I just got really dizzy and all the other normal things that happen. But this time I ended up fainting, it’s been a while since I’ve fainted so I wasn’t expecting it. But when I woke up my hand was injured pretty badly, so yeah, that’s basically all that happened.”

She wrote a bit in her notebook, before I heard something like a ‘hm’ sound come from her.

“Mmm, could you elaborate on the after effects?”

I nodded again, “It was a bit different than usual. I was much calmer for some reason, I kind of acted like it never happened, or more like I was used to it. And I pretty much am, but still, it was unexpected.”

“Hm, okay.. Did you treat your wound?” she said while writing down more things. I nodded before realising that she wasn’t looking at me so I replied with a short “Mhm” kind of answer. Before looking down at my hands and tracing over the bandage on my hand a bit.

“Anyway, how has your week been?” I asked, there wasn’t much left to say.

“Well, it’s been good. Nothing that’s too interesting really. But I am going to visit some family next week Wednesday for about three days.”

“Oh, really? That’s nice, haven’t you said that they live overseas or something like that?”

“I’m pretty sure I did tell you that? But yes, I have to fly to Australia because it’s been a while since I last visited and they asked me to come, so I’m flying there next week hopefully.”

I nodded again and smiled. “Well, hope you enjoy it then.”

. . .

While walking back, I got something to drink. Something warm for once though, it’s way too cold for my liking. For some reason, since this morning my arm has been itching a lot. Not a lot, but it still felt odd. Well, it’s probably the burn marks, I think? It healed a while ago so it shouldn’t be itching. Well, maybe it’s because I lost weight or something like that. Strange.

At this point, I can’t really tell whether my anxiety is getting better or worse. For some reason I’ve been having less panic attacks, and they’re not almost as bad as my old ones. But it might be getting worse considering I broke a glass with my bare hand.

I’ve always thought of my asthma and anxiety to be equal, I never really thought that one was worse than the other. But my anxiety just might overtake it. Or not, I could be jinxing it right now. Oh well, if I did then that’s my fault for being an idiot.

I saw that small cloud of mist as I exhaled, it’s starting to get colder almost daily. I wonder if it’s going to snow soon, god I hope it doesn’t snow. I hate snow so much. Well, I hate anything cold in general. If it does snow then I’ll probably go hibernate in my bedroom or something like that.

A part of me started to feel drowsy again, and I felt another headache coming. This is really annoying. I should probably work on the sleeping.

I tried my best to shrug off the annoyance and just continued walking back.

Some cars were hooting at each other in the distance which kind of startled me a bit, but ignoring it was the better choice.

But I’m tired, like super tired.

I know I probably won’t be able to sleep, but I just want to get back home already, and quickly.