Simon watched his daughter happily collect her things for a moment before he looked at me—really looked at me—without awkwardly glancing away. “Look… I mean, Jared… I…” He was finally using my name, instead of acting like I was a stranger, and it was obvious it made him struggle with his words.

I couldn’t do this right now; I couldn’t think about it. “It’s been a while, I know,” I said anxiously. I didn’t want to have this conversation… I also didn’t want to be rude or insensitive. I glanced over at where Maya was doing up her jacket on her own, trying to keep my voice low. I was walking a fine line as I offered sincerely, “We should...catch up sometime and...talk.” I chewed at my bottom lip, nodding as if to convince myself that it was the right thing to say.

It was a relief when Maya came bounding back over to us. “Daddy look!” she turned around to face away as she pointed to her bag, “All zipped! And!” she spun again, pointing to her jacket, “All done up! All by myself!”

“Good job, kiddo!” Simon’s awkwardness dissipated as he praised his daughter. He found words easily when he spoke again, less lost than when he’d first tried to make conversation. He nodded in agreement at me, saying, “Yeah, you’re right- we should meet up when we’re not busy. It’s a little late now and I’ve made Maya wait around long enough. I don’t want to keep you here all night, either.”

“Dad!” Maya tugged on the sleeve of her father’s suit jacket, offering up the paper she’d been drawing on while we waited for him to pick her up. “Look, stickers!”

Simon took the drawing with a grin. “Beautiful! I’ll put it on the fridge. Thank you.”

“Welcome!” Maya beamed at her dad.

He was more relaxed when he looked at me again. “We’ll head home, sorry for keeping you so late.” Simon paused, frowning a little, before he offered, “It looks like it’s going to rain. We can give you a ride home if you want. I know you’ve never liked to drive. Wouldn’t want you getting sick, it’s pretty cold out there.”

I felt my face falter, imagining the awkward ride home. The situation was stressful enough without my anxiety getting in the mix of a twenty-minute drive. “Oh, thank you but I don’t live very far.” It was a lie I was accustomed to telling. “Don’t worry about it.” I felt a genuine smile tug at the corners of my mouth as Maya pulled on Simon’s hand. I met his eyes, “Thank you for your time, I’ll let you get going. Drive safe.” I crouched down to Maya’s height grinning at her, “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

Maya’s shyness returned for a moment as I leveled with her, watching her shuffle closer to Simon’s side. “We’ll…play with stickers?”

I felt my knee crack as I stood, grabbing the sticker book off the table. I watched her eyes sparkle. “Will you promise to bring this back tomorrow?” I asked, gesturing to the sticker book.

Maya nodded enthusiastically, staring at it, hypnotized.

I laughed lightly as I outstretched one hand, holding out my pinky. “Pinky swear?”

She hooked her pinky around mine, delighted as I handed her the sticker book. I watched her small arms drop for a moment at the weight of the booklet. She clutched it to her chest with both arms tightly wrapped around it. She looked up at me, saying sweetly, “Thank you Mista Nowan! See you tomorrow!” She gave one big nod.

Simon shook away the surprise which had shown on his face while Maya talked to me and gave me a genuine smile. “Guess she likes you, huh? I’m glad,” he said softly, brushing her hair back from her face. “Thanks for taking care of her at school- I’m glad she has a teacher who hasn’t given up on her already.”

“Dad! I’m hungry!” Maya complained, bumping into her father with the weight of her small body since her hands were full.

Simon laughed and put an arm around her shoulders. “Got it, little monster. Let’s get out of here,” he said, guiding her toward the door. He paused as he let her through, glancing back with another polite, distant smile. “Have a good night, Mister Nolan,” he said, before he let the door close behind them, shutting off the sound of Maya’s excited chatter.

I felt a lump in my throat, staring at the closed door. “Goodnight...“ ‘Simon,’ I finished inside my mind; glad no one could hear me.

I took a moment to tidy Maya’s workstation and gather up my things. Locking up the classroom I said goodnight to the caretaker before stepping out the front doors into the cold night. It smelled like campfire, my breath puffing out in smoke as I shoved my hands into my coat pockets. Streetlights created a haloing effect against the dark sky and I watched my shadow along the pavement as I walked towards the bus stop.

My chest felt tight as I recalled Simon’s words, ‘Mr. Nolan.’ Mister Nolan? I felt the anger dig into me, though I couldn’t find sense or justification behind it. I did the math in my head; it had been nearly ten years since we’d last spoken to each other… Ten years.

‘And it took half that time to forget—’ I stopped the thought, taking in a deep breath. It wasn’t worth agonizing over.

The bus ride took nearly an hour, and I desperately tried not to doze off. Finally reaching the tall, dingy apartment building, I sighed, pressing my card to the front door and opening it after the loud buzz. I walked through the lobby, where I gritted my teeth at the elevators--still out of service. They had been out of service for nearly four months, no one bothering to fix them despite my numerous letters and phone calls. It was a long climb to the seventh floor where my key got stuck in the lock of my apartment door. After wrestling with it for what felt like a good few minutes, the door finally popped open, allowing me to half stumble inside.

‘It’s fine. It’s all fine,’ I told myself, trying to remain positive about the day.

I closed the door behind me, tearing off my coat and scarf, and removing my shoes. My skin prickled against the heat as I turned on the light to the simple, small apartment I tried my best to keep clean. It was a polarizing opposite from my colorful classroom; everything grey and relatively bare.

I walked over to the sofa, grabbing the remote and turning on the TV so there would at least be some kind of noise as I made my way to the fridge. I hardly paid attention to the news as I wondered what ingredients I had on hand for dinner. I stopped with my hand on the handle of the refrigerator, looking at the blank surface.

I had a takeout menu magnetized to the fridge...that was it.

I thought about the sweet picture Maya had drawn her father; she’d been so proud. Maya, I had to focus on her, I had to make sure that she was looked after during the day, not like her last school.

Closing my eyes, I let my forehead fall to the cold metal surface of the fridge. ‘Simon,’ I thought, I couldn’t help it. It was like I was unable to expel him from my mind, his smile, his distant voice...

“Why does it have to be you?”