“I don’t get why I have to wear a mask. It’s so stuffy.” Kuo tried to rip it off his face, for the millionth time, but the blond page had a tight grip on it.

“Nooooo. You don’t get to participate without a mask!” Benji complained.

The Spark from the South tried to tear off the mask again. “Maybe I don’t want to? There’ll be a lot of strangers. I want to stay inside,” he wailed. Strangers. Too many strangers.

But Benji was persistent and grabbed his wrist. “No, you won’t. You’ve stayed inside for weeks. And there’ll be fires and straw on the ground. Your feet won’t get cold.”

Kuo sighed. The mask was stuffy and heavy. He’d end up with a headache for sure.

“Pleasseeeee,” Benji wheedled, using his best puppy voice. His light brown eyes got bigger by the minute.

“Gods, ok.”

Benji whooped and grabbed their cloaks. “Here! Now come on.”

They were the last to arrive from the back of the monastery. Passing the two mages who stood guard, cloaked in fur and masks of grey wolves, they walked towards the main court and the old oak tree.

The Lenten feast was already in full swing with fires burning, music playing and people laughing and dancing. Everybody wore masks and Kuo took in the wide variety in silent wonder. Animals, demons and things he didn't recognise, decorated with colourful fabric, fur, and feathers.

“You’re a ram, so make sure you don’t end up with another ram plastered to your back. That would be somebody from my family and ew, please don’t make out with Aik.” Benji sounded pained and Kuo laughed.

“No thanks. I think I can keep that in mind.” His field of vision was limited and he had to get used to it without bumping into too many people. And oh, there were so many. More than he’d ever seen in Gimma.

Benji dragged him expertly through the crowd, and cackled when the Spark tried to drink without losing his mask.

“You have to hold it with one hand on your head and take a good sip. At least your lower face isn’t covered. No idea how the people who have a full face mask do it.” Benji babbled along mindlessly and turned around to wave in excitement at a masked figure he recognised. Kuo hummed and felt the honey mead burn down his throat. A warm feeling settled in his stomach, heating his cheeks.

It reminded him a bit of the tribe feasts. Different occasions but, right now, it felt good to be outside and still stay unknown to all the strangers.

Suddenly, his spark began to flit nervously over his skin, itching on his neck and Kuo turned to see why it reacted so anxiously. To his right, an owl appeared and asked calmly for a mug. Kuo couldn’t see the hair under the feathers, but he recognised the magic within a heartbeat. The Mage from the Wolf Moon. Berinn’s bonded pairing.

He took a step back, trying to shrink into the crowd, but he just bumped into three goats and apologised meekly.

“I am sorry. Did I scare you?” The owl inquired, curious eyes trained on him. Kuo swallowed nervously. The Mage didn’t seem to remember anything. Maybe, if he just walked away…

A hand on his shoulder, a tight and warm grip.

Kuo stood frozen on the spot. His spark singing and roaring. Answering.

“Do I... do I know you?” The Mage asked. “‘You’re from Aik’s family?”

Kuo turned around slowly, his mask hiding his angry gaze. Just lie. Just fucking lie and be done with him. “I am not… Mage from Ûwila.”

His spark flitted over the Mage's hand, poking and prodding at the familiar yet strange magic.

Blue eyes widened, the hand tightening its grip. "It’s you. My doe.”

Kuo scoffed. He should have eaten something first. He felt lightheaded. The magic tangling and wrestling with his spark and the mead in his stomach didn’t help. He pushed the Mage back angrily, nearly knocking him into the barrel behind them. “I am not your doe. And I belong to nobody.”

The last part sounded hurt. Even to his ears. Before the Mage could say anything else, he stomped off. Red-faced and staggering just a little bit. He felt Embry's magic reaching out, trying to get a hold of his spark again. But Kuo didn’t want to be caught.

He decided to hide in a nook of the lobby close to the winery. The smaller house was closed, but the shadows were broad and gave him a feeling of privacy. Even with so many people nearby. Nobody cared for the lonely figure sitting in the shadows.

Kuo couldn’t shake the feeling of hunger. Not for food. For the magic. His throat burned and his stomach hurt. He remembered only a handful of times he had felt that shaken. And it made him nauseous. He wasn’t supposed to feel like that. Not with anybody.

Kuo took a deep breath and suppressed the anger that tried to rise again. It was stupid to be angry. He was a Spark. He didn’t need a Mage. He knew that. His spark just didn’t listen. Greedy thing.

After the Wolf Moon, he had tried to tell himself that it was a fluke. A trick or a glitch. Embry just confusing him. But the magic that reached out for him felt so right, his spark flared up and wanted yet again. If only Aro had just agreed to the bond right away. If Kuo had arrived sooner. Or Embry later. Maybe… maybe they would have made it. Maybe Kuo would have been ready and knowledgeable and confident enough to stitch the spells with ease.

Just… maybe.

But he hadn’t been ready. And Embry had arrived too early.

So it had been somebody else.

He gazed into the sky, saw some fire sparks and stars and felt utterly lonely. In the middle of a big feast and people laughing. Maybe he should move on and leave Gimma. His feet didn’t hurt so much anymore. He could…

“Kuo! Why did you run away? Man, I talk to somebody else for a second and you just flee. You promised,” an angry ram yapped at him.

Just when Kuo was about to apologise with yet another lie easily slipping over his tongue, somebody masked as a cat stomped by, stopped and then glared at them.

“Have you seen my Mage?” It was Berinn, by the sound of his voice. Of course. Just Kuo’s luck.

Benji cocked his head, mask slipping a bit, giving him an even more confused look. “No. Because everybody’s wearing a mask? Maybe the front gates, where Aik and Carla are? Shouldn’t you be able to sense him anyway?”

Berinn harrumphed dismissively and stormed off.

“Why is he always so exhausting? He could have asked in a friendly way. I am not his servant. Argh,” Benji muttered. Kuo understood what he meant. Berinn was grating on everybody’s nerves, even more so after the bond with Embry. He got cockier and selfish and it was wearing everyone down.

“I know where Embry is. I have to avoid him. It’s getting worse,” he confessed.

“Ugh.” Benji knew of the doe. Kuo had told him and Benji had earned his trust by keeping the secret from his brother ever since. “Lenten is supposed to be for people mingling regardless of their status. Maybe today would be okay? I mean, obviously he’s drawn to you and… do you like him?” Benji asked.

Kuo sighed. “He’s a stranger, Benji. How can I say that I like somebody if I don’t know them?”

Benji hummed. “Yeah well, but I liked you right from the start and I didn’t know you. And I think I am an awesome friend to you; I mean, obviously I am! So, maybe Embry could be an awesome something to you as well if you let him?”

“I am not supposed to mingle with Mages. You know that.”

The young Page shrugged. “It’s the Lenten feast. You can mingle with whoever you want and claim innocence later.”

“But he knows who I am.”

Benji pulled him to his feet. “So he knows your name and what you look like?”

The Spark shook his head. “No. Hells, no. He doesn’t.”

Benji whooped and dragged him back to the fires. “So by seeing you, he wouldn’t be able to rat you out and you can always lie, so all’s good and let’s have fun. And if Embry finds you, keep the mask on and play dumb, and if Berinn finds you and gets angry, he can fuck off. Because I really want to have fun. Now come on, I am running out of words. And air.” He gasped dramatically.

The rising panic Kuo had felt dissolved, and he realised that being alone with his doubts and too many thoughts was a bad idea right now. And every other time. He had been alone for too long.

Kuo tried to be carefree. He didn’t see the owl so it was all good. Maybe Embry had left and moved on to the front gate fires. They had lived in the same monastery for months. They could just keep on doing it. And maybe if Kuo got assigned to a mage sometime down the road, they’d be able to ignore each other.

So, he tried to do just that.

The two pages mingled, stuffed their faces with delicious food and drank some of the stronger beer usually only served at the inn. Kuo started to relax with no owl in sight. He knew sooner or later they might have a similar encounter with Embry doing weird things or his spark taking over and acting up.

But, right now, he was starting to enjoy the night. Benji made it easy to calm down and laugh. The young Page was a little excited bundle of contagious joy and Kuo wondered how he had managed to get such a good friend without even looking for one.

“Thank you. I really like you.” Pleasantly buzzed, he hugged Benji with one arm and dragged him towards the dancing people. “Let’s dance and see if your strange moves can woo one of the girls ogling everybody from the sidelines.”

Benji laughed and hugged him back. “Finalllllyyyy. Took you long enough to accept all my smothering love for you. Ehehe.” He was clearly drunk and didn’t care.

The two of them weaved their way into the crowd of people surrounding the musicians who had set up in front of the big storehouse. The main court was packed and Kuo felt like he could just drift through a sea of masked people, moving limbs and gyrating hips, hands tentatively touching and asking to stay.

He felt the drums in his chest, overpowering the hammering sound of his heart still trying to find the owl.

“You dance like an offering for hungry wolves, little lamb,” somebody growled behind him. Hands touched his hips, tracing the hip bones with thumbs in a challenge to bat them away. A wolf snout appeared in Kuo’s field of vision. Kuo hummed, shushing the spark and pushing it back when it tried to reach out to test the intruder. Kuo didn’t want to know, didn’t want to think and evaluate if his spark liked the person or not. Maybe, for once, it could be about how well bodies fit against each other and not about magic.

The Wolf was silent, and took his own silence as approval. He just tugged the ram closer, until back was moulded to front and both synced in their moves, dancing maddingly slow to the fast beat of drums.

It’s the Lenten feast. Let go. Apologise later


*****
Second Part available in Rûnên (see description)