I woke up. Suddenly I was hyper aware of my surroundings. I looked around. I was no longer in the white environment, but instead I was in my room. What a weird dream, I thought. Even though I knew it was a dream, it felt too real to simply just be a dream. Maybe I really was in the space between life and death. I thought about ways I could possibly prove it was somewhat a realistic dream, until my weight crossed my mind. Mum had me weigh in, and I was at a dangerously low weight. What if that was really true, and mum was only trying to warn me? Just thinking about it made me want to check more. I had to know where I was, because if I really weighed that little, I had to start turning things around. Fast.

I tried to get up so I could make it to the washroom, but it was one of those days where I was so exhausted I couldn’t. I suppose I should’ve seen that coming. I did purge a lot the day before, and technically, didn’t eat much.

"Dad?" I yelled out. If I couldn’t get out of bed on my own, I was going to need someone’s help. The scale was in the bathroom, so all I had to do was get there. I heard Dad run from the living room, up the stairs, and into my room He looked quite concerned that I had called out for him.

"Yea?" He said. "You ok??"

“Yea, sorry if I worried you.” I frowned a bit. I didn’t mean to make him freak out like that and feel the need to run to me. “I just need some help getting up.”

“Alright.” Dad sighed as he came over to me. “You know, this is probably caused by last night. Purging is just going to make things harder on your body.”

“I know.” I said quietly. I didn’t want to talk about last night. I felt bad enough about it.

Dad helped me up, and once I was more steady on my feet, I walked to the washroom on my own. I was still a bit shaky, but I could at least get around on my own. After using the washroom, I quietly made my way to the scale. I knew Dad would probably still be nearby to keep an eye on me, so I didn’t want him hearing me going to the scale. The floorboards creaked quite a bit, which just made it harder. But successfully, I made it without being caught. I stepped on and watched the number bounce around. Finally it stopped at… Oh. Shit.

The dream was true. I really had been in a space between life and death. This wasn't good. I needed to get that number up. And soon! If I was spending time in that space, then I most likely wasn't far off from death! And I couldn't just make the number go up by simply chugging water and causing water weight! I needed to actually eat enough to put on weight! Actual fat!

No. No no no no. You’re not doing that. You don’t need to get any fatter.

I’m going to die!!

So? Just let it happen.

No! I’m not going down without a fight!

A fight? Oh c’mon, what fight would you ever have to offer?

I was about to show her. I knew I had gone too far. I stumbled out of the washroom after throwing my hair in a lazy bun. Dad saw how scared I looked and could tell something was wrong.

"You ok?" He asked.

"Huh? Oh! I'm fine!" I faked a smile as I stumbled against the doorway. "So, what's for breakfast? I'm starving!"

Dad looked completely taken aback. It was completely out of character for me to ask what was for breakfast, and then admit I was starving. He probably thought I had completely fallen off my rocker.

"Um, cereal?" Dad said slowly, not knowing if I was joking or not. "Unless you want something else?”

"Cereal? Works for me!"

I gave him a huge nervous grin as I held onto the doorway for support. I was having a really hard time staying standing. Dad probably thought I had completely lost it, but I had to put on weight. Maintenance wasn't an option anymore. And the only way I was ever going to put on anything was to eat. A lot. I was going to have to ignore Diana for once, which scared the living crap out of me, but I really didn’t want to die.

You won't fight me. You'll back out the minute you're faced with food. You'll only keep losing weight. Face it. You’re as good as dead.

I refused to believe Diana, and ignored her. Despite thinking I was crazy, Dad was happy to get me a big ol’ bowl of raisin bran for breakfast. He was extremely surprised that I actually finished it, and then later caught me getting a snack. At first I thought I was just binging, but quickly realized that I was freaking starving. As the day went on, Dad probably thought I was going even more and more insane. Heck, I was even trying to listen to my hunger pangs as best as I could, despite just being hungry as fuck the whole day. I even surprised myself at how well I seemed to be doing.

“Wow, Diane.” Dad said in awe as I just finished dinner. “Someone convince you to start giving recovery your all? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you try so hard.”

“Uh, something like that.” I laughed nervously. I couldn’t let him know where I was weight wise. He’d get too worried. I didn’t need him worrying more than he already was.

--

That night in my dreams, I was back in the same place as the night before. Like mum had said, she was waiting for me.

"Hey!" She greeted me with a smile. "You're back here again?"

"Yea, I guess so." I said. I sat down on the same hospital bed that had been there the night before. Luckily, I wasn’t attached to anything this time.

"So? How was your day?"

I told her about all my victories I made throughout the day, and Mum congratulated me for each of them. She was super proud of me, and made that well known.

"I'm really proud of you!" Mum said with a huge smile. "You're doing really well!"

"Thanks!" I said as she gave me a big hug. Suddenly, I felt something cold. I looked over my shoulder to see Diana sitting right next to me. She was staring into the void with a very unhappy scowl. She caught me looking at her out of the corner of her eye and glared at me. Mum let go of me, and looked at Diana with a frown.

“Leave.” She demanded.

“No.” Diana said.

“Please?” I tried. It never hurt to try and be polite, even though I knew that would never work on Diana.

“Oh shut it.” She rolled her eyes. “You know I’m here to stay. Stop thinking you can even come close to getting rid of me.”

"Alright Diane. Let’s test this. How about a little challenge?" Mum said with a devious grin. Diana immediately shot her a look that could kill.

"What do you have in mind?" I replied, catching on to Mum’s plan. If Diana was going to stick around, then I’d be doing my best to piss her off the most. How? By challenging her rules.

"Hm… Let's see. How about… you try eating out with Robin? Oh! I know! Tomorrow’s Saturday, so why not have ice cream together? You guys used to do that every Saturday!"

“NO.” Diana raised her voice a bit. “She doesn’t deserve that shit! Especially not with that Robin girl!”

"We still do, actually." I said, ignoring Diana. "Well, that was, until a certain someone stopped letting me."

The look on Diana’s face was priceless. She was so pissed off you could almost see the smoke coming out of her ears.

"Wow, after all these years." Mum chuckled. "Hard to believe."

I laughed. It then crossed my mind that I didn’t have a way to get the ice cream. Dad didn’t let me leave the house. He didn’t even want me up for too long, let alone going to the ice cream shop, even if it was only a 5 minute walk. Diana read my mind and smirked.

“She can’t get there.” She said with a smug look. “She can hardly walk around the house. I doubt she’ll be going to the ice cream shop. Oh well! Nice try though.”

"Have Robin get it for you." Mum suggested. She gave Diana a smug look back. Diana immediately frowned.

"Yea, I could do that." I said.

"So? Are you taking up on the challenge?"

“Of course she’s not.” Diana rolled her eyes. “Think of the calories Diane. It’ll go over what your limit is.”

“Oh shut up.” Mum shot back. “Calories aren’t the end all be all.”

I thought about the challenge before nodding. "I'll do it. For you and for Robin."

“Great. Let yourself go. Get fat.” Diana grumbled as she dramatically threw her hands up in the air. “You’ll come back crying to me once you realize the damage you’re doing.”

Mum grinned. "Great! I look forward to seeing that tomorrow! Oh, and, you have to get your favorite flavor. Not one that you believe is the health option, or compensates for calories."

"Gotcha. I'll do that." I smiled. I could feel Diana rolling her eyes. I wondered if she could see the back of her head with how hard she rolled them. Obviously this challenge would be easier said than done, but I was willing to try.

--

Before I knew it, I was back in the real world. I woke up determined to complete Mum's challenge. After having breakfast, I called up Robin. I didn’t know if she would be awake that early since it was a Saturday, but I figured I’d give it a shot.

"Hey!" I heard her pick up, and greeted her.

"Hey!" Robin replied. "What's up?"

"Not much. You busy today?"

"Nope. You wanna hang out? We could watch a movie."

"I'd be down for that." I said. I was trying to work up the courage to ask if she wanted to grab some ice cream. I just needed the right opportunity. Just thinking about asking was raising my anxiety, and pissing Diana off.

"Cool!" Robin said. "I'll be down at noon, if that works out for you."

"Yea, that works." I said. Then there was an awkward silence for a bit. Ah, the good fun of awkward phone calls.

"So, uh, how's recovery going?"

This was my opportunity! "It's been ok. But, uh, actually, on that topic. I wanted to ask something."

"Yea?"

"Uh, you know how we used to always get ice cream every Saturday?"

"Yea - oh my god! You're not actually going to ask what I think you're gonna ask are you?" Robin said excitingly. "You want to actually get ice cream?"

"Uh, yea, actually, I do." I admitted nervously. "If that's ok with you, of course."

"I'd freaking love to! I'll pick it up on my way over! What flavor do you want?"

"Um… how about Cookie dough?"

"Wow, you're even going for your favorite flavor! Look at you! Are you feeling brave today?"

"Something like that." I laughed.

"Man, this is exciting! I'm really proud of you for doing this! Oop - sorry I gotta go. My old man needs me. I'll see you at noon, ok?"

"Yep! I'm looking forward to it."

Robin hung up, and I thought about what I just did. I couldn't believe I actually asked to have ice cream! That was a huge achievement!! I was almost proud of myself for doing this. I had to be putting on some weight with the way I was eating. I only had 2 days left of forcing myself to do this, and then I would be in outpatient. To be honest, I was happy it was starting on Monday. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to keep eating like I was on my own. Eventually I was going to break. But with outpatient I’d have the help I needed. And I wouldn't have to worry about trying to put on weight without help. I highly doubted they would let me get away with losing weight anyways. I was just trying to keep myself out of the danger zone until then.

Later, Robin came by. And as promised, she had the ice cream from the nearby ice cream shop. I had accidentally fallen asleep, so she had to come upstairs and wake me up. After I woke up completely, we migrated to the living room couch to start browsing for movies. My nap had put me through the loop, and I had a rough time getting down there, so when I got to the couch, I literally fell onto it.

“Blimey Diane.” Robin laughed. “You knackered?”

“I shouldn’t have taken that nap.” I groaned. “Now I’m out of it.”

“Ah, don’t worry.” Robin sat next to me, and played with my hair. “You need the rest. It’s good for you.”

“Keep playing with my hair and I’m gonna fall asleep again.” I laughed.

“Whoops. Wouldn’t want that.” Robin laughed. “Sleep is good for you, but I’m not saying it’s ok to fall asleep on me. Oh! Maybe some sugar will keep you awake?? Perhaps some ice cream?”

She grinned at me, and I laughed. I missed having fun times like this with Robin. She was always so much fun to be around.

“Yea, I suppose I did agree to that didn’t I?” I said. “Where is it anyways?”

“I put it in the freezer.” Robin said. “Let me go get it.”

She got up and went into the kitchen to fetch the ice cream from the freezer. She came back with a big smile on her face, and two little plastic bowls of ice cream in her hand. She handed me mine, and then sat down next to me with hers. I pulled myself up from laying down and gave her a nervous smile back.

Don’t you dare eat that. That crap is so bad for you.

"What flavor did you get?" I asked Robin.

"Peanut butter fudge crunch." Robin said. "It's a new flavor they just recently added. Figured I’d to try it."

"Oh, cool." I said. I saw Robin start eating her ice cream, so I did the same. Diana immediately exploded with anger, telling me that I was a pig and other nasty things. Robin looked at me in awe as I took a bite. It wasn't hard to tell she was surprised I was actually eating it without being forced to. Surprisingly, eating wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Ignore Diana, and it wasn’t too bad .I couldn't help but feel like mum was watching over me and helping me through it.