DANGEROUS ELYSIUM

PART FIFTEEN

OLIVER

I watched Ethan's back as he settled Max in the paddocks before he and his ranch hands breed Max with one of his mares tomorrow. I watched him with unquestionable intensity. I tried to look away many times today, but as soon as he spoke my eyes were back on him. Watching. Looking at how his mouth moved as he spoke. Seeing him every now and then lick at his dry lips and then watch when they glittered in the sun, just for him to repeat the motion. It….was creepy from my perspective, staring so much, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. "...are you listening?"

"What?" I had completely zoned out, because I hadn't heard a damn word he'd said.

Then he chuckled. "You've not listened once, have you?"

I shook my head. "No, sorry."

"Are you thirsty or hungry? I make the best sandwiches. I even have homemade lemonade."

"Really?" Why was I so surprised about that? Everyone here seemed to make their own damn lemonade and it never interested me, but Ethan's did. Strange.

"Come on inside and I'll wash up real quick and make the best sandwich you'll ever eat."

"Is that even possible?"

"Oh yeah." He smiled. A sandwich is a sandwich. How on earth could you ever make the best sandwich in the world? Unless he uses magic, it will just be a sandwich. Still, I followed behind him. Watching again. Watching his muscle's move under his tight gray t-shirt and then his ass in his blue jeans. This guy is beyond hot. Like seriously, just one move had me almost salivating to the point I thought I'd start actually dribbling. How stupid. Or sad?

Once in his home I looked around. It was homely and warm. Family photos everywhere. Trophies dotted here and there. But it was also like being warped back in time. The place looked old, not dilapidated or anything like that, just not updated. And I expected other family members to walk out of one of the rooms, but no one did. It was quiet, so quiet. "Where's your mom?"

Ethan stopped at the kitchen doorway and tipped his head to the side. "She left after my dad passed away. It was too much for her being here."

Oh fuck! Me and my big gob. "I'm sorry."

"Why?" He asked, and then moved into the kitchen. I followed, reluctantly and sat down at his dining table. "It was for the best that she did. She's happier where she is now."

"Okay," I muttered. "So, this fantastic sandwich?" I didn't want to drag a conversation on that wasn't there or didn't need to be there. His dad died and his mother couldn't cope. Ethan stayed because folks around here didn't give up a good business like Ethan and my uncle have for anything.

"Sure," he smiled, but behind that smile held pain and sadness. No lies, like I'm so used to seeing. "It's all about what goes in it you see and most people think a bit of pastrami and cheese will suffice. No way. It's all about the little extra things, like flavourings."

"What flavourings?"

"Usually pepper and sometimes a little sprinkle of sugar."

"What? Sugar? Are you nuts?"

"Just give it a try and if you don't like it I'll make you another one without….flavourings."

"Go ahead mr sandwich connoisseur. I'm waiting."

Ethan let out another laugh. I liked it. He laughed a lot which kind of mesmerised me. "Watch the magic happen cutie," Then he cracked his fingers. Cutie? Holy shit. That small word shouldn't have bothered me and it didn't in a bad way, it bothered me in a good way. I felt at ease in his company. I felt warm and tingly. After everything I shouldn't be here like this or maybe I thought I'd be one of those people closed off in their room drowning out my sorrows, but I wasn't, couldn't, not around Ethan anyway. He made it easy to feel comfortable. Uncle Curtis made it feel easy too. This world I'd denied because I stupidly wanted to try and stay in Sharna's was becoming almost perfect. And maybe in a week or months it will be absolutely perfect. I prayed it would, then I prayed Sharna wouldn't come find me. After I left a stupid folded bit of paper up in his car that morning that said nothing but only what dreams bring, even if those dreams turned into nightmares. Still….they were the words of a desperate man and I no longer felt desperate. "Look, perfection." Ethan said as he held up the plate with a very perfect looking sandwich on it. My stomach betrayed me and grumbled at the sight. I hadn't had much of an appetite lately and his sandwich looked good. Even though the delivery boy looked more delicious than the sandwich.

"It really does look….perfect."

He cocked a brow and put the plate in front of me. "You didn't even watch me."

"I did." And I did. Not making the sandwich, I just watched his body.

"Eat up." He mumbled and turned beet red, then sat in a chair down from me with his own food. I picked up one half of the sandwich and studied it briefly before taking a big bite. My mouth almost exploded. The pepper, the sweetness and saltiness hit my taste buds in a mixed explosion of flavors. And then I groaned in satisfaction. "Wow…."

"Mmm," I answered with and swallowed. "This is so good."

"I told you and that thing you did….was surprising."

"What thing?"

"....the groan. It was….surprisingly hot…." Then he shut his mouth quickly, turning even more red.

"Hot?" What's hot? Me? I wanted to ask him. I wanted to know. Was it me or just the groan. But I won't, I can't. Then I found that my resolve to ask him certain questions had started to wane. Usually, in most cases I'd keep my mouth shut and keep my questions in my head. "Me?" Was all I could ask.

"Yeah you."

"Eating the sandwich? Or...just me?"

He huffed through his nose and leaned on his palm. "Just you. But I like how you enjoy my sandwich too…." He paused and started to fiddle with his own food. Suddenly he looked nervous. Awkward? It was cute but somehow painful at the same time. Not because it bothered me, necessarily, but because I couldn’t help but wonder how hard he probably had to work to hide it in his world. This world out here where everyone was set in their ways and didn't want to change or didn't want to even try.

"Erm, do you….well…."

"Have a girlfriend?" He asked, cutting me off.

"Oh, no….I mean…." Fuck! Now I was nervous and embarrassed. So I turned my attention back to my food.

"Boyfriend?" He said so softly that my eyes met his again. Grey soft eyes.

"I don't know."

"You don't know?" He questioned, with a smile. "What don't you know? Oliver."

"Right….what?"

He laughed and slapped the table, making me jump and my skin grow insanely hot. "I don't have a girlfriend or a boyfriend."

I didn't know Ethan all that well, we got on when we did ever see each other, but even those times were brief. So I'd never got to know him on a personal level or even know if he was straight or gay or….whatever. Now I was very interested. "....do you like girls?"

"I like girls," my stomach kind of dropped at that. "But I like guys better." He added.

"I see." Inside I was excited, but I'm too conditioned in not trusting anyone. Did I want to see Ethan as more than a friend? My brain said yes, over and over again, but my closed off heart stayed completely silent. Obviously. I surround my heart with stainless steel walls and about a dozen rings of barbed wire. Penetrations through the barriers are unusual, but I needed someone who could tear down the walls with wire cutters and a blowtorch and not hurt me. I needed fixing. I wanted to be fixed.

"Can I take you out to dinner?" He asked.

I looked up again. The last time I was asked to go out for dinner was Sharna and I shot him down instantly. I almost wanted to do it with Ethan, but he's not Sharna. "Okay, I'd like that."

"Good. There's a new restaurant in town and I heard it's good."

"Yeah, thanks."

"Anytime," he winked and pushed his hair back with his hand. And I thought, I wished I was his fingers. Brushing through his dark soft hair. Better yet, I wished I could brush my fingers through his hair. "I'm really happy you said yes Oliver," Is this one of those signs that I can get even closer to him? That I want him to touch my heart, for real and no more stupid butterflies of hope. I want something real. Could I have that with Ethan? Could I really forget Sharna so easily? Forget my love for him and find it here? Am I allowed to do that? I mean that's why I came here, to forget. But something inside me made me feel like I was a criminal. Stealing one heart and also wanting another. Fuck it. This is my new start. I'll do as I damn well please and I wanted Ethan. Period. "Is tomorrow night okay for you?"

"It's perfect." And yes, at this moment it was. So I decided I'd put all of what happened and Sharna out of my mind and did the only thing I could do. I held onto the feeling of real hope, and we talked about everything and nothing for ages. No lies. No hurt. No worries. Just me and Ethan.