Things between Jaxon and I have became so normal now, every time I go to his house to watch him it’s almost as if that night never happened which makes a part of me a little relieved because my head could not take anymore.

Messing around with Seanna definitely has helped that out some as well she helps me keep my head straight, literally.

“So why do you waste your time with her if you know that it won’t go anywhere?” Speaking of which, he just brought up the whole thing with her and I out of curiosity.

“That’s just how it is, yeah I know that she does mess with other people but I still want to get my fix and if she is gonna offer it then why not you know?” He seemed interested in the fact that people can sleep around together and still not be together.

“I don’t know, it just seems strange is all.” I have to remember that he is still young so maybe to him this does seem a bit foreign.

“You’ll see someday, sometimes it is just easier to just sleep with someone than be with them because you don’t have to deal with all that stress.” I mean it is true. I for one do not want any stress that comes along with the relationship. I am perfectly content with what I have going on.

“Is Shepley the same about this?” Whenever he brings up Shep I can’t help but remember how he said he was hotter than me just to spite me.

Everyone knows that when it comes between Shepley and I, I am the hotter one. This is obvious. But that is totally besides the point and has nothing to do with what him and I were talking about. 

“Eh I guess so, I mean he is more like Seanna when it comes to sleeping around.” I really don’t know why I am having this conversation with him right now, why does he want to know so much? “Okay can we talk about something different?” He smiled and then leaned back on to his bed.

“Can I talk to you about something Elliot?” For some reason this made me get butterflies in my belly but I did my best to try and ignore them. I leaned back with him to try and calm my nerves and continued to look up at the ceiling.

“Go for it.”

“There is...someone that I like. I just don’t know how to go about it because it isn’t as easy when you are gay you know? Like I can’t just go up to to this person and be like ‘hey I think you’re really cute wanna go out sometime’ because you never know how they would feel about it.” Even after all of that the only thought that appeared in my head was who he was talking about.

Who did he have feelings for?

“Have you thought about just telling this person though?” I really was hoping that he would just tell me who it was.

“Well yeah, I have.”

“Can I know who it is?” Listen I am nosy and I really want to know. Leave me alone.

Jaxon chuckled at me as he put his arms behind his head so he could prop it up a bit. “It doesn’t matter who it is.” He can not just do that to me.

“Come on, if you tell me maybe I could help you out with it.” What if it was me and that is why he didn’t want to say anything to me about it?

“You probably don’t know him.” If he doesn’t tell me I am going to push him off of this bed. I didn’t even say anything this time, I just turned my head to him and gave him that same look my mom would give me when she would want some information out of me. “Okay fine!”

Jax looked away from me and started to smile to himself. This person already has him smiling like this? “It’s Miles.” Wait huh? I hope he isn’t talking about the dude that is in my grade.

“You mean Miles Hampton?” His smile grew wider and he nodded his head. “You mean the guy that is in the same grade as me?” He nodded once again at me. Seriously? Out of all the people he could have said this is the one?

I would have rather him to have said Shepleys name over his.

“What is wrong with him Elliot?” His voice was once again so innocent, I hated it when he sounded like that it drove me so crazy.

“What isn’t wrong with him? He isn’t even that...good looking.” Honestly I could not find anything wrong with Miles I just didn’t like that he picked him.

“Why does it matter to you whether he is good looking or not? Aren’t you straight anyways?” Did...did he really just pull that one? This boy I swear he has some nerve.

But like what do I say back to something like that? I mean do I say yeah I am, or do I be honest and tell him who I really am?

That could be why I am a little upset that he said Miles because it wasn’t my name that came out of his mouth.

“Yeah Jax, I am straight. I guess I just didn’t think Miles would be someone that you would be into.” I had no idea what to say to him, he literally put me in a position where I was at a loss for words.

Jax started saying something else but I sort of just zoned out I didn’t really want to hear anything else about Miles and how much he liked him and how much he thought he was cute or whatever the hell he was saying.

I wonder what would have happened if I didn’t go with Seanna that night if I would have stayed with him and kept going with what was about to happen. Maybe him and I—I don’t even know what I am saying right now.

This is me being a confused person because I have not really figured myself out yet.

I need to be happy for him, he thinks of me as his friend and I don’t need to be all down in the dumps because he might actually have a thing for someone else that isn’t me.

“Elliot?”

“I’m sorry what?”

“I said do you and him hang out ever?” Ugh I already know where this is going next and I don’t like it but I am going to act like I do to make him happy because I am a great friend.

“Kind of, we aren’t like close or anything but when we see each other we talk some.” There was this little sparkle in his eye that made me want to punch Miles in the throat. I need to stop.

“He doesn’t really know me, we only ever pass each other by. Could you, somehow make it to where we all hang out so it doesn’t seem weird or anything? I just kind of want to get to know him is all.” He wants me to set them up. I don’t like that and I don’t want to at all. 

He may not have said the words that he wants me to set them up but this is what all of that means. I should just say no to him and tell him that Miles is no good for him.

“Yeah for sure man. I can see what I can do. No promises though.”  But that is not what I said at all, instead I did my best to give him the fakest best smile of my life.

He sat up straight with excitement and started going on about how grateful he is to have me as a friend. 

I am so mad at myself for agreeing to do this for him but I literally can not be because of the whole thing with Seanna and I. Jax was going to make a move but I messed that up so now I have to live with the consequences. 

Obviously I really don’t want to do that but it is what it is and there ain’t much that I can do. 

“You don’t have to like rush into talking to him Elliot, you can do it whenever you feel like is a right time.” Yet he is still so sweet about it. I hate myself so much. 

“Come on look at how excited you are, I don’t want to make you wait forever for this. If he is at school on Monday I’ll be sure to say something to him for you. And don’t worry I won’t tell him anything you just told me, that stays between you and me.” Jaxons smile grew so wide, I don’t think I have ever seen him this happy before. 

Once again it made me so mad that it wasn’t me doing this to him. 

He couldn’t contain his excitement because in a whole second he grabbed me and gave me a huge hug. His arms were around my neck and shoulders so I slowly put my hands on his waist and hugged him in return. 

His scent smelled so amazing, and he fit perfectly in my—nope. He likes Miles, not me. I can no longer have thoughts like that. 

When I got home I contemplated calling Shepley and telling him this situation I am in but I knew that the moment I thought that that it would not be good for anyone. 

This was something that I had to take care of myself and really the only thing that I could do was sit back and watch out for my friend. I still have Seanna on the side somewhere so why can’t he have someone? 

It isn’t like if they start talking or whatever I can’t see him anymore. 

Hell they might not even start talking, Miles might be straight as hell and I am already freaking out about them two getting together. Listen I tend to get ahead of myself sometimes. 

Besides now I can fully figure out who I am as a person with a clear head. Maybe when I had heard that there were rumors about him being gay I instantly already had my head clouded. 

Then when I found out I definitely couldn’t think right, so now this will give me the chance to really think about what it is that I want. 

Jaxon is a cool guy and I would like to be his friend still and I don’t see that being an issue. I just need to remember to not have a hot head around him because that is only going to cause more issues for myself. 

Why do I have to make everything so difficult?