When I was five or so, I had a Cani checkup that stuck with me. They had to test my blood to see if I was still on track for my eventual awakening. They checked something that the nurse said I’d have to do a lot in school. She didn’t explain what as she held my hand and clipped a device on the tip of my pointer finger. The pain only lasted a second, but I saw a drop of my blood swirl around in a clear part of the device. That plus the miniscule, unexpected pain made me start scream-crying.

So I wasn’t looking forward to doing that again, but word was going around that our first void studies class with Caya Kilander was going to be the first class where we’d have to start the dreaded finger poke. I was mostly hoping I wouldn't scream-cry again.

“Zeta!” Oka said, greeting me like I hadn’t seen her in years when it had only been about fifteen minutes, which was genuinely more heartwarming than anything. “Aren’t you excited for this class? We get our vein seeds on the first day!”

“If I had to guess, she’s anxious,” Kalei said. “Zeta worries more than she exciteds.”

“Hey!” I said. “First off, I don’t always worry, second, ‘exciteds’ isn’t a word.”

“Well, what’s a good verb for getting excited?” Kalei asked.

“You could say ‘Zeta worries more than she gets excited’, that’d be more grammatically correct.” Oka said.

“But it’s missing my trademark personalized dialogue!” Kalei said.

“What trademark?” I asked. “Just saying words wrong weirdly?”

Another, more immediate problem presented itself before me on our way to class. All our other classes were nicely sequestered in the same floor in the same general area. Well, gym wasn’t, but that’s gym and that doesn’t count. 

“Why is this the only classroom on the fifth floor?” I asked. “Why are there so many stairs like this?”

The only way up to the hallway Caya’s class was on was in a webbed network of white stairways. I felt a little queasy looking at them.

“Ah, these are the famous stairs of Rising Shards!” Oka said. “A famous architect designed them. In AB-805… There’s even a few escalators hidden in this impressive feat of architecture!”

I didn’t want to get caught on hidden escalators. I watched a video of a kid getting his clothes sucked into the teeth part at the bottom and having to get rescued and it made me despise and fear escalators forever. I was also not a fan of stairs that looked like they came out of a pizza dream.

“I’m gonna take the elevator,” I said.

“Zeta, are you afraid of stairs?” Kalei asked.

“I’m not afraid of stairs,” I said. “I just don’t like the stairs with the like plank steps where you can see down through them. And these are really tall. And I don’t see guard rails on all of these.”

Kalei elbowed Oka. “Zeta’s afraid of stairs.”

“Here, Zeta, lemme help.” Oka said as she started to pick me up. For her small frame, she was deceptively strong. She hefted me onto her shoulder and literally started carrying me up the labyrinthian stairwell.

“No, no this is worse, stoooop!”

I somehow made it to the top on my own once Oka set me down with a combo of clinging to guardrails and doing the like dog walk up with my hands. I passed the elevators, feeling a bit proud I didn’t take them up. They were slightly off; I could see the roof above the elevator. The glass panels outside were getting pattered with rain. We had to sit sort of near it while we waited for Caya’s classroom to open.

“See Zeta, if you took the elevator you would have been stuck there,” Kalei said.

“This floor has heinous safety violations,” Laenie said.

“Thank you,” I said.

“I’m sure they have the shields up.” Kalei said.

“What shields?” I asked.

“You know, the like, elevator shields.” Kalei said. “And stair shields too, especially with a layout like this…”

“What are you even talking about?”

It was the kind of rainy day where I wanted to just enjoy and relax to the rainy day, but my anxiety made me feel funky and worried. There were a group of guys from Falling Shards waiting with us too. Their uniforms were black with red accents for first years.

“Hi there,” A boy said to us. “Name’s Syval. I like that pin.”

“What pin?” I asked.

I painfully realized Syval was not talking to me, but to Kalei. He had a small device in his hands that I was pretty sure was a video game thing.

“Oh, yeah?” Kalei said, looking at the pin like she’d forgotten she’d even had it on. It looked like a boy with a sword in a purple robe that also looked like he maybe had no pants on, which was weird to me at least. “Yeah, I’m big on Tyrant Rangers lately with the new one out soon, and I saw we can have pins here, so...”

I didn’t even notice Kalei had a pin. Where did we get pins? I wanted a pin for my jacket.

Kalei and Syval started to talk about the pin more, talking about stuff Oka and I couldn’t follow.

The door to Caya’s class opened, and a group of dejected looking students walked out. Caya seemed scary so I tried to brace myself for it by worrying a lot about how bad it was going to be.

We all filed into Caya’s classroom. Oka, Kalei and I and found a spot in the back. Caya’s room didn’t look like it was renovated like the rest of the school. It had varnished wood cupboards all around near the ceiling, giving the room an old-fashioned feel. It had chalkboards instead of whiteboards and only one big touchscreen. There was a table set up in the front of the room with boxes of equipment on them. I felt a pang of nervousness when I saw the box filled with the blood collector things.

The intercom announcement tones went off right when I sat down.

“Attention,” A woman said through the speakers. “There is a Kanibari student with the feral flu roaming the halls. Please inform your nearest faculty member if you come in contact with them. Do not hold out any appendages towards them. Drop any food you are carrying if they approach you. If they are hanging from the ceiling or from a high up place, do not attempt to climb to bring them down.”

Students continued to file in right after the announcement, apparently not concerned with a student with feral flu.

“Zeta, I can assure you that you don’t have feral flu.” Oka said. “I can see that look on your face.”

“No, it’s not that,” I said. “I just feel sort of distant and foggy right now.”

“Oh, derealization! Or is it depersonalization?” Oka said.

“What are those?” I asked.

“When you have that out there feeling,” Oka said. “Like you’re in a weird dream, but you’re awake.”

“Wow, yeah,” I said. “Is there anything I can do about it?”

“If I remember right, you have to taste five things around you.” Oka said. “So here, get a good taste.”

Oka held her arm out to me. She wasn’t holding anything, and it wasn’t her arm she had her wrist cloth on.

“You want me to taste…your arm?” I asked.

“Yeah, unless you wanna lick a table or something? Although you have to lick five things so you might have to…”

“No, no, it’s smell five things,” Kalei said.

“You weren’t even listening,” I said.

“Yes I was!” Kalei said. “I know it’s five concrete things when you’re feeling foggy. I forget if it’s smell or taste though. Maybe it’s just look.”

“It’s probably not taste,” I said.

“You don’t know that,” Oka said. “Either way, it’s really nothing to worry about.”

“I’m more worried about the—” I started.

It felt like the air sucked out of the room when Caya Kilander stepped in. Or stomped in. She was still in that military get up, so her heavy boots stomped on the ground. On her wrist was a shimmering gauntlet blade thing. I could see the veins inside of it, which meant it was a bloodsaber for use in the void.

“This is a bloodsaber for use in the void,” Caya said. “A bloodsaber is not a weapon, it is a tool. A tool that will prove vital for any excursions into the void dimension. Today we will begin creation of your own bloodsabers, with your blood sample and vein seeds.”