It's funny how after weeks of skipping meals, your body can simply adjust. I no longer felt hunger like before, and restricting to 900 calories a day was only getting easier. Almost too easy. It felt like I was running off a high. The high of starving. Somedays I didn't even eat. And I loved it. Those were the best days. Diana (yes I named that pesky little voice) would congratulate me for doing so well, and stay quiet for a bit. I was making her happy which was what mattered to me. If she was happy, she kept quiet. If she wasn’t happy, all hell broke loose.

Of course, there were also days I ended up overeating, or binging. I suppose it was to be expected. After restricting too long, my body would start fighting back. Binging was the absolute worst, and if I did happen to do it, I made sure everything was purged by either vomiting or exercising. Luckily, it only happened every now and then.

Losing weight wasn't an issue with eating the way I was. It was just melting off! Within a little over a month, I was hovering around 85lbs. People at school were constantly giving me funny looks but I didn't care. It was my body. Not theirs. What did it matter to them? Robin, however, was becoming a major pain in my backside.

"Diane, this has to stop!!" Robin cried after she caught me power walking the hallways during lunch. "You're killing yourself!"

"I am not! I feel great!" I tried to escape, and walk by her, but she grabbed my arm, and held me back.

"Yea maybe now you do! But what about when the effects of starving catch up with you?” Robin argued. “The impact of it all hitting would probably kill you!"

I rolled my eyes. She was being over dramatic. I wasn't going to die. I hadn’t faced any serious health issues yet. And if I did start facing them, I’d stop what I was doing. But I didn’t see that happening anytime soon. I wasn't worried.

"Please, just sit down and chill out!" Robin pleaded. "I'm not even asking you to eat! Just to sit down!"

"No!! Just leave me the fuck alone!”" I snapped. Robin looked completely taken aback, and let go of my arm. I didn't snap often, so even I was surprised I would yell at her like that. But I was too upset to care. She needed to stop trying to intervene! It was annoying! So I walked away and moved on. I wasn't taking her bullshit anymore.

We had been fighting more than usual lately. Even in classes, we would fight. This got us separated in two of the three classes we had together. In our Biology class our teacher Mrs Smith refused to split us up for some odd reason. Part of me wished she would, but she didn't seem to want to. Instead she just watched us argue, and only intervened when she thought it was necessary.

Our fighting had gotten to the point that we hardly ever hung out anymore. I knew that was my fault because I was the one refusing. She would always ask, but I would say no because I didn't want to be pestered about eating or losing weight. I would hang out with her more if she wasn't so insistent on me putting on weight, but it just didn't seem to be happening. So, if she wasn’t going to keep her nose out of my business, she could stay away.

--

Eventually the holidays rolled around. I was actually excited for the holidays despite there being loads of food. I wanted to spend time with my family, and show them how well I was taking care of myself, and my new look. I was pretty proud of how I looked at that point, despite still believing I was massive most days. However, since it was a special occasion, I figured I could allow myself an extra hundred calories or so. I was about 80lbs at the time so I figured I could start working on either maintaining or losing slower. I definitely didn’t want to catch myself going lower than 80. Even I knew that could result in disaster.

Diana was surprisingly ok with easing up on things a bit. Mostly because her and I knew there was an oncoming binge soon, and didn't want to risk that. The extra calories would definitely fend it off, as well as satisfy the many cravings I was getting.

The allowance of the extra food put me in a much better mood. So much so, that Robin and I hung out almost everyday. Robin seemed happy to hang out like normal again, but still didn't like how I was treating my body. But, she must've learned from earlier times she fought, to not bring it up because I hardly heard anything of it. There were a couple times that she tried to make me take a bit extra on my plate, but the minute I gave her a glare, she stopped. I had her perfectly wrapped around my finger.

My family was also getting on my back a bit too. I normally wore baggy clothing, so they were never really ever given a chance to see my weight loss. However, the lower I went, the harder it was to hide, and eventually they noticed. Dad was getting concerned by how much weight I had lost, and my refusal to eat anything outside of what I planned. He would constantly try to get me to eat just that bit extra, but the second I gave him that stern no, he backed off. Both my brother and sister were catching on as well. Bella actually caught me purging once, but I think I managed to pull of the famous "I was just sick" excuse. Jack would joke about it, but he made the type of jokes that symbolized he was worried. But despite their worries, I kept going.

--

Christmas dinner came along, and we had just arrived at my grandparents. They lived in Quebec, which took a couple hours to get there from the outskirts of Toronto. Despite the long drive, we were all pretty excited. Grammy always made really good food, so I was actually excited to eat for once. I was secretly hoping things would taste better than usual. Most of the stuff I ate regularly had lost its taste and just seemed bland. Luckily, I went prepared.I skipped breakfast and lunch to save the calories, and had planned out exactly what I was going to take.

Grammy and Grampy hadn't seen me or my siblings in quite a bit, so when we showed up at the door, they were ecstatic. They had been waiting at the door for our arrivals, and swung open the door when we pulled into the driveway. They lived in a pretty small, but friendly neighborhood. It wasn’t in the city, but it wasn’t too far out either. It was just right. Grammy, is about my height (5’4), overweight (which Diana was disgusted by of course), has short grey hair, and overall a very gentle woman. Grampy is quite a bit taller, thin, and has short well kept hair that had many shades of grey in it.

Once we met up, we exchanged our usual greetings and welcomes. Grammy did her usual thing and pulled each of us into a hug. First Bella, then Jack, then Dad, and then last but not least, me. I didn't usually let people in my personal space, but since it was Grammy, I let her get away with it. Of course it made things a bit awkward.

"It's so nice to see all of you!! I missed-" then she paused abruptly and let go of me. Everyone paused to look over at me as Grammy stared at me. She was giving me a worried look and it only took a second for me to process why that was.

"Diane!" She gasped. "Look at you! You're all bones!"

I laughed nervously. I really hated being the center of attention. She grabbed my wrist and pulled up my loose sleeve to reveal my flabby arms (which to her eyes, were skeletal). Oh boy, now I was in for it.

"There's nothing to you!!" She cried. “Have you been eating?? At all???”

"Mum, leave her alone." My dad intervened. He knew how upset I got by these comments and didn't want to cause an argument. "It's something she’s trying to work on. Right Diane?"

“Y-yea.” I lied.

"David! You can't possibly think this is ok! She's too thin! Look at Bella compared to her!" Grammy fought with my Dad. She wasn’t going to let this go apparently.

Bella was way curvier than I was and carried a lot more fat on her than I did. Mind you, it was in all the right places to give her the perfect hourglass figure. I was never built like that. I was flat all around.

I caught Dad looking over at Grampy for some help in the small argument, but Grampy wouldn't give it. Grampy is a retired doctor, so of course he knew better than to say I was fine.

"Sorry David. This is between you and your mum." He sighed. "And besides, she's right. Diane is way too thin."

"Guys, I'm ok-" I tried to butt in.

"No, no." Grammy interrupted. "C'mon, supper is ready. And we gotta make sure someone here gets fed. Fed WELL."

Grammy put her arm around me and forcefully walked me to the kitchen. I wanted to resist, but she wouldn't allow resistance. She had a solid grip on me and I wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. Not until she made sure I got what I apparently needed.

Before I knew it, she had me sitting down at the table whilst she scooped out huge amounts of food on my plate. At least to my eyes they were huge. Compared to what everyone else had it looked normal. I didn’t understand why people always ate so much around holidays. Like, do they not worry??

"Here you go dear." Grammy placed the plate of food she made for me right in front of me. She didn't hold back on what she had put on it. Potatoes, carrots, peas, turkey, gravy, squash were all a part of the assortment. I didn't even know where to start.

Grammy sat right next to me like she normally did when we had big meals like this. She started eating like everyone else did, and I just sat there. Internally I was freaking out so badly. I couldn't possibly eat all this! Not to mention it went way over my calories!

Grammy noticed I wasn't eating and nudged me. I gave her a panicked look back. I was really trying to keep calm, but man was it hard. Whilst this was happening, I could feel both Dad and Grampy's glare from behind me, and it was only making the situation worse.

"C'mon Diane. Eat." Grammy stated. I knew that tone. She was serious.

I let out a whimper, and she rolled her eyes. She most likely didn't mean to come off as rude, but I knew she was annoyed I wasn't taking care of myself. Unexpectedly, she grabbed my fork, scooped up some mashed potatoes, and shoved it in my mouth.

"Mum!" Dad cried in surprise. Everyone at the table was shocked. "What are you doing?!"

"Feeding your daughter! You're all letting her get away with not eating, and I'm not allowing that here!"

Grammy shoved another spoonful of mashed potatoes in my mouth. I couldn't believe this was happening!! Grammy was normally calm and sweet, and would never do this! Not to mention how embarrassing this was!!

"G-Grammy!" I cried with a mouthful of potatoes. I was desperate to get her to stop. "I'll eat! I'll eat! Just stop!"

"Good." She put down the fork and waited for me to do what I said I would. . I picked up my fork and started hacking away at the mountain of food I had on my plate. There was no getting out of this.

I can't believe this!! That woman is evil!! Shoving it in your piehole?? I mean come on!!

For once I could agree with Diana without hesitation. I knew I couldn’t let all this food stay down so I chewed everything super well, and kept track of the order of which I ate it. Because none of this, and I mean none of it, was staying down.

I had finished up ¾ of the plate, when I had to call it quits. I was full, and there was no way Grammy couldn't be content with what I ate. I had actually eaten quite a bit. I pushed my plate away slightly, and glanced over at Grammy to see if she approved.

"You're not done." She raised a brow.

"I'm full." I replied nervously. I really was. I wasn't lying about fullness for once.

"No, no. I said you needed to be well fed. That is not well fed. Eat up."

I sighed and picked up my fork to continue eating. I exchanged looks with dad, and mouthed "help me." He mouthed back "sorry." I held back tears and took another bite of my meal. This wasn't how I expected this meal to go. I wanted to pick out what I wanted, in a reasonable portion, and enjoy it! Not have to purge it!

Finally, I finished my supper, and Grammy seemed satisfied. That was, until she cracked out the desserts and slid a slice of pie in front of me. I almost exploded into tears right at that moment, but somehow managed to keep it in. I didn’t want to eat it, but in order to avoid having pie forced into my mouth, I ate it.

Pig! Pig! PIG! YOU FUCKING PIG!! FIRST SUPPER NOW THIS?!? OH MY GOD!

I held back tears. There was no way I was gonna have a breakdown in front of everyone. Especially on Christmas! By the time I ate my dessert, I was so full I felt like I could explode. I pushed my plate away and put my head on the table. I wrapped my arms around my stomach only to feel that I was so bloated and full, my stomach was rock hard and tight. I didn't even know if I could move at this point.

Everyone else was talking about how full they were, but I highly doubted they had it as bad as I did. I kept my head on the table and tuned them out. I figured once everyone left the table, I could make my move and purge in the washroom. I was going to have to make the move soon though. I couldn’t risk the supper calories being absorbed.

Minutes later, I still had my head on the table. Grammy came and sat down next to me and rubbed my back gently. I lifted my head a bit and realized that everyone else had left the table. It was only Grammy and I.

"You doing ok?" She asked.

I groaned.

"I'm sorry about earlier. I'm worried about you. Your dad's been talking to me and Gramps about your eating. I just want to make sure you're getting at least some of what you need."

I let out another groan.

"Are you just going to groan at me from now on?" She chuckled.

"Ugh… I'm full… it hurts…"

"I know, honey. Your stomach is probably quite small. You gotta eat more and stretch it out a bit."

I just groaned again. I really didn't want to talk about this right now. I didn't want to get another lecture on how I needed to gain weight, or eat more. It was making me feel queasy. Too queasy. Then I realized it wasn't because I was nervous. It was because I ate way too much. Oh well, at least I didn’t have to purge intentionally.