Relationships change, often when we least expect it and in ways not originally fathomable.

Matt: I’m bored.

Me: Five more minutes of class. You’ll live lol

Matt: I’m fairly certain I’m already dead.

Me: Emo

Matt: It’s not a phase, Mom

Me: lol sure, sure
What do you want for lunch?

Matt: Sushi

Me: Boujee

Matt: Nice rhyme
Also shocked you know that word.

Me: I think that’s an insult?

Matt: Maybe :)
Getting out of class now. Meet you at the library in ten.

Me: Ok, see you soon!

Matt and I have been texting...a lot; all throughout the day, even during shared classes where we sit apart. So much so that I assume the slight vibration of my phone signals a message from him. Ridiculously enough, I’m disappointed the few times when the text is from another. Then I feel like a jerk because, apparently, I don’t have a single bad bone in my body. Not even a bad-ish bone. Unfair.

To add to this change, we have started eating lunch together in the library too. The first time Matt requested resulted in my immediate panic. I know, not shocking, but his question was super shocking, ok! I didn’t say no...because I didn’t want to. Giving a lie to Tori to keep him off my back, now that was difficult, but I managed. Now, lunch time together has happened a few days in a row. I grab Matt’s meal from the cafeteria. He repays me when we meet up in a quiet corner. We eat together while engrossed in whispered conversation.

There are mostly students working on assignments on the first two floors of the library. Floors three and four are meant to be silent floors and, due to that, are so empty that Matt can get by unnoticed. Our hushed whispers are never called out either. I’m not sure why this started or if it’ll end. Will it? Do I really want it too?

I know the answer already.

“Hey,” Matt says when appearing around the bookshelves looking as handsome as ever. Sometimes I hate him for it.

“Hi.” I smile. He returns the gesture, enticing me with ocean eyes and sweet smiles, sitting across from me as usual.

We’re by the window, admiring the cooling campus below. By now the leaves are starting to change. Each day is a little different, sometimes sweltering heat or chilly enough for a jacket. Today is a day for a jacket due to the breeze, gray skies and light rain. Matt’s sporting a navy hoodie, which I’ve found to be a good color on him. What color isn’t a good color on him though? A question for another day.

“Mini golf tomorrow then?” he asks, reminding me of our cancelled plans last week. My stomach does back flips while my heart takes notes from olympic gymnasts and scares the shit out of me with far too terrifying performances.

“Sure, I g-get off at three as usual.”

“I’ll pick you up.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I know, but I want to.”

I’m short of breath from simple words accompanied with a warm smile that is growing more familiar by the day. I question if Matt is even aware of what he’s doing. The preferential treatment I’ve been receiving is like one brick stacked upon another, building hope until it’s a skyscraper reaching into the clouds. I’m waiting for the inevitable shattering earthquake that sends me crashing back to reality.

“Are you sure you don’t...want to invite anyone else, like your sisters?” I say between bites of my lunch. I was starving moments ago. Now I’m uncertain if the butterflies in my stomach are willing to make room for food. Fairly certain they’re of the belief that I can survive on the sunshine radiating off Matt’s smile alone.

“Do you not want to go?”

“Huh? No, no, I want to, just, well, you could hang out with anyone.”

“I guess? But what does that have to do with it?”

I tear at the wrappings in my french fry basket. The library is quiet. Although we’re alone, somehow the air is suffocating. Soon there are a handful of rolled up pieces of paper dropping onto the table when I explain, “You could bring someone more entertaining than me along.”

Leaning in, he says, “I asked you because I want to spend time with you, Dana.”

My toes curl almost painfully.

“I don’t get why you don’t see yourself as--” he raises his hands to make air quotes, “Entertaining.” Then he drops said hands back onto the table. “I like being with you.”

He’s going to kill me. I will drop dead of a heart attack in the next ten seconds, I swear! My entire body is on fire so it may not be a heart attack that is my end, but rather spontaneous combustion. One way or the other, death is on the way.

“Sometimes your honesty makes i-it hard to r-reply,” I admit, shielding my face behind my hands. Matt’s response is another intoxicating chuckle.

Our lunches together often consist of endless conversation. Matt is quiet. I’m quiet. When we’re together though? We’re not so quiet. We discuss movies and books or childhood stories and high school shenanigans. There’s an obvious difference in our tales; Matt’s often consist of instances that I could never dream of. He was homeschooled mostly and hung out with other rich kids whereas I had evening chores with only dreams of the occasional allowance. That’s not a complaint, but it’s interesting to hear the differences and a little scary that we’re getting so close.

How am I meant to handle this ever growing friendship between us? Especially since my heart is wanting much more than friendship.

When lunch ends, we head out to begin our trek to freshman seminar, only it’s pouring down rain. Outside the library doors, students are rushing with bags over their heads or power walking with their umbrellas to get to class. I’m about to accept my fate of getting soaked when Matt reaches into his bag to pull out our savior. Once again, he is prepared.

“We can share,” he suggests.

“That’s ok. I’m fine.”

He opens the door, stepping out with the open umbrella while waiting for me. Deja vu anyone? I cannot argue. Well, I could try and fail miserably so I’d rather not. Sighing, I scurry under the umbrella with him that is far too small for two so we’re arm to arm. Matt’s heat is making me want to run through the rain merely in hopes to cool down.

Matt’s height has always been obvious; now even more so. Damn genetics. Both my parents are short. Why is life so tough?

“You should start carrying around an umbrella,” he says, seeming to also recall when I borrowed his. Unfortunately, my dumb ass response is a nervous chuckle that turns into a snort that turns into me burying my face in my jacket like a turtle hiding in his shell. More unfortunately, when we step onto the sidewalk the universe decides to fuck with us.

A car speeds past. The wheels crash into a puddle sending a wave of slush that, somehow, doesn’t hit me. I say somehow until my eyes open to realize Matt stepped in front of me and is now completely drenched thanks to him becoming a human shield.

“Matt!” I holler, slack jawed at his drowned rat appearance. His clothes cling to his dirty and damp skin. The umbrella continues to shield us from the rain but, honestly, he’d probably do better to step out and clean off.

“Are you o-ok?” I ask, taking the umbrella from him so he can inspect his phone and wallet. Both were in his pocket. They appear fine. He wipes his face, clearing off some of the dirt to reveal a scowl.

“Physically, yeah, I’m fine.”

“Not emotionally?” I grin.

“Mm.”

“Why did you do that? Now you’re covered.”

“We both would have been covered if I didn’t,” he says like that explains anything. Then he shakes his wet mane like a dog, splattering water everywhere. He grins at my pursed lips after getting a few droplets across my cheeks. I wipe them away.

Giving him a swift once over, I say, “I guess you can’t really go to class like that.”

“That would be rather uncomfortable. Keep the umbrella. I’m drenched anyways so I can walk to my car.”

My brain and my mouth need to get on the same page because a second later I ask, “Why don’t you wash up in my dorm?”

Both our eyes widen, although I’m fairly certain mine are on the verge of exploding. Now that is a mental image.

“What about class?” he asks, which is a good question that I’ve apparently already answered and deemed class to be unimportant. It’s a little late to back out now, otherwise I may look like a jerk. Apparently I rather put myself in a flustering situation rather than come across as a jackass. Who knew!

I shrug. “Not like we do anything important in freshman seminar.”

“True.” Matt gently pushes me aside when another car is about to drive by. My face heats up when his hand lingers on my arm. His touch is warm even through the thick fabric of my jacket.

“If you’re ok with that then, I’d appreciate it,” he adds.

“I don’t r-really have extra clothes that’ll f-fit you, but I’ll ask Tori if it’s ok.” His clothes are more likely to fit. Asking Tori though will be informing him that Matt came up. Knowing him, he’ll skip class purely to be nosy or he’ll ask me a thousand questions once Matt is gone.

Glancing at Matt though, I deem Tori’s prodding acceptable for the time being. Matt is drenched. His shoes squeak with every step. He’s helped me out more times than I can count. I want to be helpful too. Swiftly texting my friend, I learn soon that he’s fine with sparing Matt a few clothes. The following text dooms me to an already foreseen fate; you will tell me everything.

The universe really won’t let up on me, will it?