I’ve been going to a therapist for a while actually, more or less four years to be exact. It took a few tries because I couldn’t warm up to anyone, but after meeting Vivienne, a lot of that changed.

Like a lot of teenagers, I was rude and had a bad attitude. Didn’t really care much about grades and basically got shit on all the time. Spent some years growing out my hair, I’ve always had unnaturally fast growing hair, after a while I got tired cutting it and let it grow. And look at me now, I look like a walking pile of ashes. Also pretty sure my hair reaches my hips now.

I got picked on for many different reasons. Face, build, looks, asthma, anxiety, my parents death. A lot of it stuck with me for a while, but I’m mostly neutral now. If I really do think about it, then yeah I’ll get pissed off and maybe even sad, but as of now, I’m not really having intense emotions towards that.

I’m glad that I finally matured though. I haven’t accepted things but I deal with it a lot better than I would have if I was still a teenager. I’m technically an adult now, a pretty pathetic one for that matter, but still an adult.

Dropping out of school almost two years ago probably wasn’t my best choice, but it’s too late now. Well, no one in the school really liked me anyway, besides Katelyn. But she doesn’t count.

I’m already on my way home, after finishing my burger and fries I decided to just head back since I had nothing else to do anyway. It would actually be more convenient to use a bike instead of walking, or public transport. I do have a bike, but I never use it, I used to when I first moved into my apartment, but I don’t anymore.

Now with the topic of apartments, I seriously don’t know why I had to get one on the third floor. It’s a really nice place and the building where it’s in kind of looks more like a hotel. There was an elevator but that thing has been out of order for I don’t know how long, pretty sure they don’t care about it and are never going to fix it. But holy hell, I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack every time I see those. It’s not like I can’t walk up stairs, well, I can’t but I can.

Most of my asthma is triggered by physical activity, along with a lot of other things, but physical activity is probably one of the worst. It used to trigger a lot in gym when I was in high school, my gym teacher kind of resented me for that. She wasn’t the most understanding.

Right now I probably shouldn’t be thinking of these memories.

After a while, I could see my apartment building in the distance. It shouldn’t take too long now. That reminds me, I have to pay rent again soon since it’s almost the end of the month. That shouldn’t be a problem. It’s not like I’m rich, but I have enough money I guess. I got the half of my parents money when I turned eighteen and was a legal adult, but I usually refrain from using it. It’s not like I really need a job, but I want money of my own and don’t want it to seem like I’m just leeching off of my parents money because they were wealthy people. I’m not like that, and I never want to be.

. . .

Now it was just me, myself and I sitting alone in my room. Just staring at the ceiling while laying on my bed, with nothing to do, like every other day. I looked at the bedside table and saw my camera there. Without thinking, I just picked it up and started looking through it. I’ve been slacking a bit with the photos lately.

When I was sixteen and got some confidence which soon disappeared, I uploaded one of my pictures online. A shit ton of people liked it and it kind of made me panic, but I was surprised as well as happy. I’ve been taking pictures since my tenth birthday when Damien and Katelyn got me a camera, I’ve loved photography ever since then. I was fascinated with this planet when I was little, I wanted to become a photographer and travel the world. Taking pictures of everything that catches my eye because I wanted to remember all the pretty things that my two eyes have seen. I was just a kid though. It would be nice to do that now, since I kind of still want to. However, I don’t really deserve to do that, so I’m just going to stay here.

I only upload online now when I feel like it, not for likes or shares and things like that. I have a few thousand followers but it doesn’t mean anything to me, I don't care about it.

It's simple actually, if I’m seeing some of the only beautiful parts of this world, then shouldn’t other people see it too?