Heads bowed, throats scratchy, the mumbles of prayers barely heard over the crackles of fire, hands bound together tight in prayer. In between the crackles, I could hear the cries and begging of the person above. I was squeezing my hands, to the point of blood loss, trying to keep the faith. I dare not look up; otherwise, I would see the scene while awake and asleep.

They started as the sun brushed the ground. The flames stopped as the moon’s beams burned into the ground. I looked up finally as they poured blessed water and salt on the final embers. When the water touched the embers, they made a ‘woosh’ sound like a final breath.

I knew him, I talked to him, and I was friends with him. They burned him in a dress just because he could not see himself as the gender that the great god created him with. It is written that humans are flawed from birth. How can fixing oneself be a sin? As everyone started to get up, I quickly did a whispered prayer.

“May our guiding sun welcome you, as male, into his gracious arms. May you find happiness in the afterlife that you could not find on earth.”

I froze when I felt a heavy hand on my shoulder.

“Thank you my child for praying hard for your friend’s sinful soul.” Father Sol said as I stood up, with his hand still there.

“Thank you father, I pray that our god be forgiving.”

“Always the pure bright soul, Icaro. May all of our youths have souls as yours.”

“No thank you, for pride and envy are both sins and I do not wish that faith on anyone.”

Father Sol made me walk with him until we walked out of the church.

“Go home my son, I will be with you shortly. I must finish purifying the grounds of her impure soul.”

I wanted to yell at him for saying the wrong word. However, it gets hard when Father Sol is both a spiritual and physical father.

“I will have dinner ready for you when you are done.”

He patted my head before heading back inside. I walked down the church steps and my soul felt heavy with every step. The whole town was quiet as with every burning. The town normally has a curfew of sundown. The only ones allowed out is the high priest and his blood. Apparently, we can resist the temptations of the moon.

Our whole town worship the Church of the Sun. From sunrise to sunset, we pray for guidance and peace. We are told to follow one path to stay in our God’s blessing. Growing up in the church’s bright shadow is a heavy burden. So many people have died for the church just for something as simple as love.

I made a simple dinner of bread and fruit, as always after a burning. After I set up dinner, I walked over to the large yellow candle on the fireplace.

“Dearest Lord, may you protect us in our sleep. May you guide us in your light and warmth,” I lit the candle, “thank you my lord for letting me have this chance to see your shining light tomorrow.”

I finished my prayer and went up to my room. I climbed up and opened the curtain to the one window in my room. The window is located, at the perfect angle, so that sun’s rays would hit me right when it was time to wake up. I climbed down and a shadow passed over my bed. I looked up right as something passed over the window in a shimmer of gold. It was confusing but strangely reassuring. I climbed into bed and had dreams full of golden warm lights.

I woke up to the bright light of the sun. No matter how long I have questioned my beliefs, I have always welcomed the sunlight. I went downstairs and started to prepare breakfast for my father.

The sounds outside was exactly the same as the day, week, and month before but with a slight difference. One less familiar heartbeat, voice, smile, and person. Poor Alex is gone but I will never forget him. Father came down the stairs as I set the table.

“Icaro, I worry for your soul.”

No, ‘thank you son,’ or ‘good morning son’.

Just a jump right into the religion talk. I hate the ‘save my soul’ talks. No matter how hard I try, they are too common.

“I follow the teachings of our lord. I know I have failed him before because I could not save those lost souls. What have I done to taint my soul so that I can repent?”

I just repeated the same thing that everyone says when they have been accused.

“This is your fourth friend this year. The holy summer has not even passed yet! I know that you try your best with the lost souls.” He pulled me into a hug and I stood frozen. “Some of the followers believe that you might be the one that is leading them down the path of burning.”

I felt cold, people who have known me all my life, are targeting me. They smile and wave as I follow my duties. I put on a fake smile for him and he started to relax.

“Then I will continue doing my sworn duties because only our lord can truly judge me.”

He patted my back before moving away and started eating. I picked up my workbag and left. I have an important job that I must always do every morning. I check all of the lights to make sure that they stay lit all night long.

Some people waved as I checked the lights near their homes. Then I started to notice the glares from some of the folk. I held my head high as I continued. Because I know, that hatred will only create more hatred. I was humming an old choir song as I worked.

It was a good thing that they were all in good condition, so the work did not take me that long. Then I dropped the bag off at the church so that the tools could get blessed for tomorrow. The inside still smelled of smoke and charred human. Some of the lower priests glared at me as I walked past them.

“Look at him, son of the head priest and the whore. I hear that he does all the women’s work at home.” One of them whispered as I walked by him.

“His mother left without accepting her duties. She must have been unfaithful to not handle something as natural as child birth.”

No one knows what happened with my mother. Some people say that she took one look at me and ran away with a look of horror on her face. Another story was that she was trying to run away from this town with baby me but failed. My father only said that my mother wronged our god and punished. I ignored the rest of the rumors and walked out of the church to clear my head.

“Hello, young boy! Can you help me?” A man with bright blond hair came running up to me.

He looked barely a few years older than I did. Yet he looks new, but at the same time familiar.

“How may help you, stranger?” I bowed as I spoke.

“I am looking for the Church of the Sun. I am hoping to meet an old family friend.”

“I just came from there, follow me.”

I turned around after he gave me a bright smile. That smile was like the sun. Bright, powerful, and a strong urge to worship it. He was humming a tune that sounded familiar. My father was standing in front of the church, when we got there.

“Hello Apollo, I am pleased that you finally arrived. Please come in. Just please give a sign or something next time.”

“Sorry, I always forget. But, it is a good thing your nice son is so helpful.”

They walked in and I stayed outside. I do not remember ever hearing anyone besides my father call me nice before. I turned around and headed back home. For some strange reason, the world does not look as bright as it did when I was near Apollo. When I got home, I started reading the only book that I am allowed to read. The book of the sun, the church’s book with all of our teachings and rules.

Always remember that we are built exactly how the nameless one wants us to be. For we are blind without his guiding light. We leave our lives for him to hold and snuff.

I closed the book as the front door opened.

“You upgraded your house since the last time.”

“Last time you saw me, I did not have a child. I needed more room for a growing boy.”

I looked up from the sofa as I felt a weight join me. Apollo smiled as he took the book from me.

“Did you enjoy the church?”

“As best as someone can enjoy the exact same scene for hundreds of years.”

He talks as if he is way older, but I guess compared to outside towns, we are hundreds of years behind. I wonder if I could ask him about the outside world.

“Since he is staying with us until next holiday, are you willing to make some room for him?”

“Of course! We must always treat all of our rare guests as if the god is visiting.”

I got up and ran upstairs to clean up, and I could hear them still talking. It was not that hard to clean up because I am used to keeping everything clean. I was putting the last of the clothes away, when I felt something touch the back of my neck. That scared me to the point that I jumped on top of the dresser. Apollo started laughing at my reaction and the sound was like a song being born.

“You can sleep on the bed. I do not mind the floor.”

He looked at my bed and then looked at me.

“It looks like enough room for both of us.”

“It is morally wrong to rest in the same bed with someone that is the same gender.”

“Even to sleep?”

He gave me those big, soft eyes and I lost all urge to argue with him.

“You are a guest, so I will go along with whatever makes you comfortable.”

He smiled and then started to take off his clothes for bed. I quickly covered my eyes and he started laughing again. His body was in better shape than the males that live here. A perfect mix of soft and hard, lean and fit. I know that I should not look again but my body was trying to go against my wishes. I did not moved until I heard the sheets move.

I opened my eyes and he was standing next to the bed while messing up the sheets.

“What? I had to get you to look at me.”

I tossed a pillow at him and he started to fall back onto the bed.

“I was being polite!”

“So? We are both people, being shirtless is natural.”

He kept on laughing as I kept hitting him with a pillow. He grabbed my arm and pulled me onto the bed.

“Let go of me!”

“Nope! Time to sleep!”

I gave up on fighting him and fell asleep in his arms. When I woke up, he was gone. I went downstairs and started up breakfast for everyone. As I finished up, Apollo came jogging in with a large smile on his face.

“Good morning!”

“Morning! Something about jogging right as the sun comes up, just feels right,” I smiled as I gave him food, “Now that is a beautiful sight to see in the morning.”

“Beautiful is a term you should use on a girl.”

My father came downstairs and gave Apollo a strange look.

“You should eat before your food becomes cold and tasteless.”

“Nag, nag. You are the only head priest that nags me.”

That confused me; head priests are one every fifty years. Just how old is Apollo?

“Also, you are making it hard for Icaro to finish his duties.”

“I do not mind father, I made sure I still have enough time to do all of my chores.”

He just sighed before picking up his breakfast and leaving. I got ready as Apollo continued eating.

“You are a wonderful cook, anyone would be happy to have you.”

I could not stop the laugh. Cooking is a female skill here and no female in this town wants to date me. I noticed, in the corner of my eye, Apollo giving me a sad look as if he could read my mind.

“With how this town looks at me, I doubt that I would date anytime soon.”

I walked out to check the lights. Then I noticed something strange with the lights. All of the lights were going strong but did not use any of the sacred oil.

“Cast yourself away, demon child!” An old woman shouted at me, “You tempted my granddaughter into going down the wrong path!”

I did my best to ignore her as I continued my duties. However, the insults got worse as I got closer to the church. Two of the younger priests grabbed me and yanked me into an unused room.