“I’m pregnant.”

“Oh shit, again?” Grishar sighed. Grishar had hoped the reason that the princess had climbed in his chamber had meant more sex and he was ready for that. For this, not so much. The king would get him lashed again for sure, if not worse this time…

Skati looked at him, arms crossed, defiant stare on her face. It was as if she was expecting him to say something more.

“What?” Grishar asked. It wasn’t as if he could do anything about it. He couldn’t marry her or something like that, nor could he magic the baby away. The shaman could, but why was she standing in his chambers then? Ah, of course. More sex, then go to the shaman. Nice. He liked that dirty mind of hers.

He smiled at Skati, licked his lips, unbuttoned his shirt and patted the bed beside him. That did the trick. Skati walked up to the bed, swaying her hips. Then she climbed on top of him, straddling him. Grishar felt his arousal grow tall in seconds. Hell yeah. She was a sexy kobold, very elegant. Broad hips, nice boobs and a tiny waist. As she grinded on his crotch he thought about the moves he was going to use to get her to scream his name this time.

*SLAP!*

The princess smacked him right across the face.

“What?” he asked, lifting his eyebrows. What the fuck was wrong with her?

“You were fucking Liji yesterday!”

“So?” Grishar still had no idea why she was pissed. Yeah sure he’d fucked Liji yesterday, but he’d fucked Rastru yesterday too, and Noju… Girls wanna have fun and Grishar knew he was the most fun to get in this dull shithole of a cave-system anyway. Besides, most kobolds weren't monogamous creatures to begin with, so she shouldn't be surprised she wasn't his only 'client'.  

“Are you angry I didn’t come to YOU yesterday?”

“YES!”

Ah… It was a bit much to ask of him, sneaking into the palace tunnel every time to pleasure her, when other girls would just come to him, but yeah, sure, she was a princess so she did deserve special treatment. “Okay you’re right, I should’ve come to you, but you know, it’s hard with all the guards.”

“If you respected me you would have, instead of just sleeping around with everyone else!”

“I do respect you Skati, you know what, I’ll try and sneak in more often. But I’ve gotta be careful, last time the king found out he almost killed me, I’ve still got the scars from the lashes!”

“Well he WILL find out if you ever touch one of those skanks again!” Skati was furious. Her head was going red and her yellow eyes were blazing.

“What?” Grishar thought this was a bit too much. “Are you really telling me to be celibate outside of your chambers? I’m not even your husband!”

“Nor will you ever be!”

“Precisely!”

“Well I’m telling on you!”

Grishar sighed. He didn’t need that shit. Spoilt brat. Yeah, she’d sure make a queen someday. And one very lucky goblin would be the next king in line. But not him of course, which was okay. Being king of this dump sounded tedious and if he couldn’t even screw around then what was the point?

“Skati, princess, don’t be like this. You’re young now, you can do anyone you want. You want me? Perfect. You want anyone else, good too. Enjoy yourself before you get shackled by some guy the king makes you marry and become a walking womb to. Don’t get all drama queen over this. You have enough time to be queen later. Just enjoy it while you can.”

“But I want you for myself…” she whined.

“That’s selfish Skati.”

“I am the princess, I have every right to be selfish!”

Grishar had to admit, she kinda had a point there. But then again, what would he get out of that arrangement? Being the princess’s pleasure tool was fine and all, but she only wanted him to entertain her at a maximum of once a day. What would he do with the rest of his time?

“So what, you’d rather have me lashed, imprisoned or dead then share me with the world?”

“Yes.”

There was no arguing with this one. She meant it. So that meant either having her and no fun whatsoever besides that, always having the king’s wrath looming above his head. Probably being discarded when Skati got married, or worse: staying on as a secret toy boy only with an even lower frequency. The other option was getting the fuck out of here, because no way in hell was he going to get lashed like that again…

Grishar kissed Skati’s forehead and wrapped his arms around her. She smelled good. Better then the others, but that was because she was a princess of course. He thought a minute about the choice laid out before him. Then he thought a second about lying to Skati, but discarded the idea. Most of his tribe were stupid as fuck, but you couldn’t stop the chatter. His prowess in bed was famous, for fuck’s sake.

Only sex with one person… damn. Nah, that was something he just couldn’t do. The only nice thing to do in the shithole he called home was fucking anyway. Raids were boring, fights were boring. Everyone else around him was so slow and stupid! Maybe it was just time to go. Maybe this was the opportunity of a lifetime. Get out, into the world, meet new people.

Grishar looked Skati in the eye. “Have a beautiful life then precious. Please give me until sundown to leave quietly okay? For old times sake.”

She hit his face again and started screaming for help.

FUCK.

Grishar threw her off him, grabbed a bag and started running.

***

He had fun getting out. Everyone was after him, with the princess screaming rape and all, but no one was near quick nor bright enough to catch him. He pulled pants, did backflips, even slid through someone’s legs in his sprint to the exit. And after he got out, he ran up a tree and sat there chuckling whilst the other kobolds were running around on the soil below looking for him. Tsk, stupid fucks.

When the search had been called off (which was actually not even a long wait, kobolds are notoriously lazy…) Grishar slid out of the tree and went on his way. He felt happy and confident. If he ever saw Skati again he’d thank her for giving him the push to get out of there. He wasn’t afraid of what he’d encounter. It would be an adventure. He needed an adventure and besides, he was a one-man raiding party anyway. If any kobold would make it alone in the world, it would be him.

After three hours of confident walking and the raiding of one very unlucky rabbit, Grishar was already bored out of his mind. There was fuck all to do in the forest, just happy birds chirping, woodland creatures scuffling around. Boring. Grishar had half a mind of returning home and fighting everybody. But he wouldn’t. He could always do that later. Now was the time to check out the world.

The world sure had a lot of trees.

Then he stumbled upon a strange piece of forest. It was brown and muddy and flat and it had no trees on it, like a huge path. It was about 5 yards wide. Grishar stood in the middle of it and looked left and right. The brown patch seemed to go on forever in both directions. He decided to follow it. It would probably lead him somewhere. Glancing left one last time he turned and went to follow the path to the right.

Grishar put a skip in his step just to entertain himself. If he wasn’t carrying the bag he’d cartwheel all over it. The bag contained miscellaneous weapons (he had packed them in a hurry and had just shoved an armful in), a blanket, his water bag (which was almost empty already) and a set of spare clothes. Because, face it, being on the lam was no reason for walking around in dirty clothes all the time. No one likes a man in dirty clothes. Well unless they’re dirty from something heroic, but that’s a completely different matter.

Maybe he could use the time on his hands to think of something heroic just in case?

He skipped for a while until his senses picked up a person walking the path some way ahead of them. The footsteps were heavy, so the person was big. There were only two feet, so it wasn’t an animal. The scent confounded him though. It had flowers, herbs, something slightly orcish…

Grishar decided to sneak through the bushes to ambush the person. This would be a spectacular raid, he knew it. Knife between his teeth he made his way through the underbrush on the side of the dirt strip. He had the wind on his side, since it was slowly blowing in his direction. Whatever the strange large person was, he wasn’t gonna smell him coming.

Getting closer (Grishar could sneak at a tempo a kobold would normally use running) he saw that the person he had been trailing was in fact an orc. This was a bit strange since the only orcs he ever saw (and his tribe made him stay away from) would roam in packs of 6 to 10. One lonely orc smelling of flowers and herbs was surely a strange encounter. The orc was carrying a large bag with him. Obviously loot. Maybe there was even gold!

Grishar had learned about gold in his previous raids. Sometimes people had it. It was a hard substance in a round shape and the elders said it could get you things without using weapons to win them. Something to trade with, like food and sex. Grishar already had weapons and sex to use to get things, and he could easily raid an animal to have food, but this idea of gold was very interesting as well.

The bag looked heavy though. Grishar was quite sure he wouldn’t be able to lift the entire thing, so his usual plan of cutting the bag loose and running off with it wouldn’t be working here. He pondered another plan, whilst stalking the orc.

Now he was taking a closer look he noticed that the orc was having something wrong with him. He was big and burly and strong, but his composure wasn’t that of a warrior at all. He was slumping and his eyes were leaking. It looked sad. Like old man Karrak. Karrak was always sad because he had had his leg cut off and now he needed to beg for food and no one wanted to have sex with him. Grishar shivered at the thought. Well here was a sad orc. Who would’ve thought orcs could get sad? The guy even seemed to have both of his legs. Maybe his dick got cut off?

The thought made Grishar wince. You couldn’t rob a guy with no dick.

Grishar decided to check. He was really in the mood for a good fight, but if the guy didn’t have his guy-parts, then it just wasn’t fair.

Grishar sped from the bushes like a gust of wind, twirled around the orc, quickly copping a feel only to disappear into the bushes again.

The orc had stopped walking. He had stopped crying as well. More importantly, it seemed to Grishar that his genitals were intact, which meant he was fair game.

“Hey!” the orc said in a menacing low voice. His reaction speed was admittedly quite slow, but hey, so was everybody else’s.

Grishar jumped in front of the orc and said loudly: “THIS is a robbery!”

The orc looked at him wearily, raising one eyebrow.

“Give me all of your gold and valuables and shit!” Grishar shouted at him, waving his knife.

The orc snorted and walked on as if Grishar wasn’t there at all. Oh well, not all fights can start fair. Grishar broke into a run, two knives in his hands, one between his teeth, jumped at the orc and landed both knives into his right shoulder before backflipping over his body to a perfect landing behind him.

“Hey!” the orc yelled out again, voice now infused with a hint of surprise and pain, but Grishar had already changed gear and used the knife between his teeth to stab the big guy’s heels.

The orc spun around and tried to grab the kobold with his unhurt left arm, but Grishar was many times faster and got out of the way before his hands could reach him.

Grishar picked a chain and another knife from his bag and ran back to the orc. The orc was swinging in his own bag in front of him, probably reaching for a weapon. Grishar wasn’t afraid, he’d always be faster. No one had ever been faster than him, that was just the way it was… well not with, you know… he could hold out that one for hours... But in fights and all: Yeah, he was the fastest fighter on the planet, hands down.

Running up to the orc at lightning speed Grishar ran the chain around the orcs legs, made it cross itself and locked it with the knife. One step and the orc would come crashing down, forward, obviously, although there could be a little backlash from the feet in the back, so Grishar positioned himself to the left hand side of the orc as he started his journey downwards.

He wasn’t counting on the bag.

The orc swung the bag from his right shoulder around his body to the left as he started falling to the ground. The moment his chest hit it, the bag had smashed Grishar into a tree at least 10 yards away.

All went dark.