“You bitch!”

Rumbli was clutching his ass as he rolled around on the ground. Duris almost pitied the man. Tears streaked his cheeks, dripping into his red beard. Face almost just as red in pain and embarrassment. And it would only get worse for the idiot from this point onward, everyone was going to be laughing at him from now on. Arrowbutt, they’d call him for sure. Oh well..

Duris put down her bow and placed it carefully against her dresser. Then she walked up to the broad shouldered dwarf crying on the ground like a fucking wuss, put one foot on his ass and pulled out the arrow with two hands. Rumbli cried out as she did it. Assessing the reusability of the arrow, she nudged the man with her foot. “Now get the fuck out of my room.” She stated coldly. The dwarf scrambled to his feet and got out.

Duris sat down on the bed, and took out a tool to re-sharpen the golden arrowhead. If you had to take down a dwarf with something as disrespectful as a bow, you should at least have the manners of using a gold-tipped arrow. Still, her behaviour was way out of line, she knew, but if she’d just thrown an axe at him, he’d never back off, nor would other suitors.

Sharpening the blood stained gold arrowhead kind-of turned her on, so she decided to ring her servant Rana, and Rana came running as usual.

“Can I help you, your highness?”

“I think you certainly can.” Duris said and winked. The girl was beautiful. Slim, blonde and on Duris orders, wearing something a little skimpy for a royal maid. She giggled and blushed. Ah, Duris loved it when they blushed.

“I take it Rumbli found his way out?”

“Yep and he won’t be back anytime soon, so get over here you fox!”

Rana walked over to Duris painfully slowly, swaying her hips and tiptoeing slightly to accentuate her calves and perfectly curves ass. It made Duris melt inside. As she closed in Duris grabbed her waist and kissed her fiercely, hands sliding towards that wonderful godsent that was Rana’s booty. When Duris squeezed it Rana let out a soft moan, which Duris took as a sign to pick the blonde up and throw her on the bed.

Duris was just in the process of sticking her head under Rana’s dress as her father busted in the room.

“DURIS AVONA AXEGRINDER!” his voice thundered through the room. Duris sprang up and tried to think of an excuse for the position she was found in. She didn’t have to. Quick-witted Rana came to the rescue.

“Ow, it hurts! Ah, I think I pulled a muscle in my thigh!” she screamed, clamping her now largely bared leg between her hands.

“Wait what?” King Magiol Axegrinder’s eyes snapped to the maid crying hysterically on the bed. Then back to his daughter.

“She’s hurt dad, she tripped. I’m going to get her help now okay?” And with that, Duris ran out of the room. Crap, that was a close one. She had to become more careful in the future if her father was going to be barging in in person. It wasn’t as if she could pay HIM off to shut up about it. Urgh. Why did everything have to be so fucking traditional around here. She was quite sure about some of the men in court hooking up in secret, but why did they have to? When she’d become queen she’d kill all those bloody so called ‘dwarven standards’ the whole fucking lot of them. But yeah, she wasn’t queen now, was she… Besides, her mum was the queen and she had no say in anything either. Duris wished she could become king. Now that would be the life. Ruling over everything, pretty queen by her side. Perfect. But yeah, not fucking likely.

As she returned to her chambers with the doctor (just to be sure), Rana resumed her act without a hitch. Wonderful specimen that one. The doctor went to take a look at her leg and Rana conveyed the message to Duris that the king was expecting her in his quarters. Bloody hell, Duris thought. She picked up her ceremonial axe and reluctantly made her way to her father’s study.

She barged in and put one hand on her hip. “What was it father?”

“Duris Avona Axegrinder!” Yep, using her full name again, he was mad. “I truly CANNOT believe how you would DARE to use a bow on Lord Rumbli! A BOW! What sort of disrespect is that! His family will not be pleased!”

“Well, I did use a gold-tipped arrow and besides, the guy cried like a girl, his family must be ashamed of him with or without me shooting him.”

“That is not the point young lady!”

“Really? You’d like to see me marry some weak ass ginger fuck that cries when you prick his ass?”

“Language Duris! You sound like a man for fuck’s sake!”

“Learned from the best.” Duris smiled sweetly at her father, only enraging him more.

“Duris, from now on you behave like the damn princess you are! If you want to test your suitor’s strength, please just throw an axe at him, as a proper lady should. If this ginger lordling did cry like a girl as you said, he is indeed not a match for my daughter, but this does not excuse your preposterous behaviour! Shooting a fucking bow under MY mountain!? And don’t think I don’t know what you’ve been up to above ground! Climbing trees and shit, what do you think you’re doing? That is not only unladylike, it is unDWARFlike! I command you to seize all of these ridiculous activities AT ONCE, or else!”

“Or else what?” Duris couldn’t help herself. Her father, red in the face, was just begging to be taunted if he kept making a scene out of everything.

“OR ELSE I DON’T KNOW YET! GO TO YOUR ROOM!”

Duris laughed. It was funny, that was what it was. What the hell was he going to do? Kick her out? He didn’t have any other offspring, he needed her by his side.

“DON’T YOU STAND THERE LAUGHING AT ME!”

This made Duris laugh even harder, she almost felt sorry for her father. Besides being an old-fashioned bigot, he was quite an okay dad really. But she just couldn’t help it. It was funny as hell seeing him lose his marbles over a fucking bow.

“Guards! Lock the princess in her room!”

Shit. Yeah, he could do THAT…

Duris pushed at the guards dragging her to her room, but they wouldn’t budge. They didn’t even let her walk by herself, lifted by the large dwarfs, her feet were dangling an inch above the floor the entire way. They put her back in her room and locked the door. Rana wasn’t there anymore, the doctor probably had taken her away.

Shit. Being locked up inside with Rana wouldn’t have been so bad, but this truly sucked. Duris longed to go back out again to try her new invention, but that would have to wait. She decided to do another round of sewing, making sure the contraption wouldn’t falter on the first go. Now THAT would truly be scary. The idea alone set off the adrenaline in her body and made her smile.

Duris was afraid of heights. This wasn’t strange, she was a dwarf after all and most dwarves are. The thing with Duris was, she LIKED being afraid. The trembling of her body, bucking of the knees, and then the surge of adrenaline raging through her body, making her heart race and her mind sharp. That type of fear was the best feeling in the world. It made Duris want to fly.

Oh, that wasn’t a metaphor. Duris was determined to become the worlds first flying dwarf. But there wasn’t much flying to do locked up in her room. So that sucked ass. A knock on the door, combined with the sound of the key turning disturbed her sewing. Duris hoped it was Rana, but was greeted by her mother instead.

Dathura Axegrinder was a beautiful dwarf. She had the same voluminous brown hair that Duris had, large breasts and a stature that screamed ‘queen’. Also, the golden crown on her head was a dead giveaway.

“Duris, my baby, we need to talk”

Yeah sure, you need to talk and I need to listen, Duris thought to herself as her mother continued without a pause.

“You know your father and I are very happy now, but I didn’t really like him at first. Of course, he was the crown-prince, and even very handsome but in the beginning I thought he was quite dim and that did put me off. But, as you know, I had no say in the matter and married him anyway. Now look at what he’s become. He turned out an excellent king, an excellent husband and an excellent father. It doesn’t matter if he needs things to be explained to him like you would a little kid, it doesn’t matter that I have to spell-check all of his letters. It doesn’t matter because I am happy with him. As is our kingdom, as should you be too.”

Duris had kept a straight face through all of that and it had taken every inch of self-control she could muster. She took a few breaths to supress any leftover giggles and looked her mother in the eye. “I love father. He is a good king and a good man, but these suitors that keep turning up, I’m sick of them. They’re not as good as he is, and you know it. Besides, the man I choose will be KING one day. I can’t imagine that sissy boy Rumbli as a good king, can you?”

“From what I’ve heard he wouldn’t. But Duris, love, you KNOW this is not about that one silly man. It’s about the disrespect you’ve shown to one of our loyal subjects by shooting him with an un-dwarfish weapon. It’s about the fact that this is the 13th suitor you’ve rejected. It’s especially about the way you’ve been behaving lately and the tone you take with your father. I mean, you know he means best for you, but you can’t just go around climbing trees, shooting bows and cursing at the king. You disgrace us with that behaviour, and we have done nothing to deserve as such.”

“But mum…” Duris pleaded, knowing she wouldn’t win this one.

“No but-mum me, young lady. From today on you will act like the princess you are. You will throw away that bow, stop talking like a mineworker and respect your father.”

“But mum…” it had no use, but Duris really wanted to keep her fucking bow. It even had gold frills for fuck’s sake.

“Also,” the queen continued, “we decided we will hold a tournament in your honour. We will invite only the promising sons of good and trustworthy families to join. You can screen the contestants beforehand; see how they look and veto any you think are unworthy of your attentions. The contestants that remain shall prove their valour in combat and the winner shall have your hand. This way, you will have a husband that is high-born, to your liking and a worthy fighter.”

FUCK. ME.

“You’re kidding, right?” But as the words left her mouth, she already knew her mother was not.