“Welcome back to the dungeon, slave.”

Yeah, that’s seriously how Alex greeted me. He had his arms crossed and was leaning against the apartment’s open, arched doorway. And I wanted to die. “Alex, what the fuck, are we really doing this again—”

But Alex didn’t let me finish. He stepped toward me, pressed a finger to my lips, and hushed me. “Do you have a condom on you?” he whispered beside my ear. And, again: I thought my soul was going to leave my body.

I had so many questions, and definitely not enough answers.

Weren’t we going to have a talk?

I thought you were breaking up with me?

Is this going to be break-up sex?

Did you eat oatmeal for dinner again?

Okay, maybe that last one wasn’t as important, but I was curious, because he kind of had oatmeal breath.

Anyway… so, there I was, staring at Alex, without knowing what to say. I stared so much, actually, that he frowned and asked me if he had something on his face.

“Uh…” I scratched at my cheek and finally looked away. “Not really?”

“Then, what’s wrong, darling?” he was tapping an odd rhythm into his sleeve. “Why don’t you want to get a condom? Would you rather I take you tonight, instead?”

My manatee… as much as I love Alex, I fucking hated it when he started to argue about our sex life in the corridor—I know it’s ultimately nothing to be ashamed about, but old man John definitely doesn’t need to know I have visitors in my back door sometimes. “Can we just…” I wrapped my hand around his wrist. “Talk inside?” I said, and Alex’s face went slightly red.

He gulped. He lowered his eyes and looked down at our feet. “Of course…” he muttered, before he took a step back into our apartment, and I shut the door behind us.

The room was silent. For once, he didn’t have any classical music playing in background—not gonna lie, I kind of missed it. Everything felt empty now, without the noise. “So?” I hadn’t let go of him yet. I couldn’t. It was probably a really stupid, and abstract idea, but it felt like if I did release his hand, I’d be letting go of Alex, and the life we had built together up until now. “What’s… what’s this all about?”

It sucked that my voice couldn’t stop shaking. I wish I could be more assertive during moments like these. Maybe that’s why Alex wants to leave me, I thought. I keep running away from my problems. I’m not dependable.

To my surprise, though, he didn’t dump me. He leaned in, rubbed my shoulder a few times, and then pause when he was just about to kiss me. I don’t know why my heart was beating so loud. I think I was panicking, because even though I enjoyed this, I still couldn’t help but think of Isaac, and that made me want to puke.

Alex didn’t deserve this.

Alex didn’t deserve me.

“It’s been a while,” he whispered.

“H-huh?”