A month has passed since that event, and the relationship between Cheng and me strengthened more than ever. I was surprised by how liberating and pleasant it felt to only stay with him. Cheng didn’t want to explain what happened that day still, but I didn’t insist as my body slowly recovered after the doctor's disappearance and since I started to eat again... but only what my body wanted: rare red meat. 

I didn’t really want to dig any further into that small and weird gluttony that I was facing because I had to concentrate on my classes and the assessments that were coming up. Still, I promised myself that I would go to the doctor to do a proper check-up soon. I wanted to make sure I was okay and see if he could cure that weird one-thing diet that my body got itself into. I somehow was ninety per cent sure that I lacked many vitamins and minerals since I was eating only meat. 

But aside from that, I was doing well. 

Accepting Cheng's company improved my mood, appearance, and personality, and the 'dark cloud' that usually offuscated my mind and rationality seemed to be taken aback, coming out rarely when I was with him. When it did, I was reassured by Cheng's perseverance and determination to drop whatever he was doing and hug me, repeating to me that everything was okay and that he would never leave me. He would remind me of all my small and big successes that I have conquered, highlighting my qualities and merits... and it helped a lot. And no matter if I told him that I would be okay if I would get a few minutes alone, he would not just ignore what I said and stay with me until he could sense I was better.

Cheng was a supporter of psychotherapy, and more than once, he encouraged me to book some appointments available for free at our university, but I wasn't ready to do so. He even offered to just listen to what I was choking myself with, but I explained that I wouldn't have done it since I trusted and cared about him a lot. I couldn't open up and disappoint, or disgust him as it happened with others. I couldn't stand another person leaving me after getting to know the real me.

So after that episode, Cheng kept inviting me to stay over at his place, and I've always accepted it as sometimes I found it hard to fight the 'dark cloud' alone in that lonely hostel... And honestly, I was happy and relieved to see that all that didn't bother him. All I had to do was say that I wasn't okay at that right moment, and it felt so liberating knowing that he was there for me. Maybe it was wrong entrusting him that much, but I was sure that it was only a temporary thing and that if he had ever been in the same position, I would be there for him too.

I couldn’t slightly imagine that staying with him would make me feel that better. I noticed that I started to look more positively into things before I could only be goofing around, stressing about it and pushing myself down even if I had a small success. Only a month after our first encounter, I was able to feel a bit proud of myself for my achievements, like having studied English obsessively back home, or else I wouldn’t be able to understand classes as I was doing. In the end, every effort was worth it; in the end, accepting him in my life was worth it. 

When Cheng’s promised me that he wouldn’t leave me alone, he meant it, and he made sure to keep his promise almost every day, even if he was too busy or I was. How it ended up was that it was mostly me waiting for him every afternoon until he finished his basketball or football training or his classes that we didn't have in common, but it didn't bother me like I thought it would. I was happy that he finally joined the university sports club as he was apparently really talented, even though he refused to play in future matches against other universities because he wanted to take classes as a priority and the only way to make him play at those events was as a substitute. But anyway, if he didn't show off at campus, he wouldn't have been forced to join the clubs. So I guess it was his fault.

Brushing my damp hair back, I moved towards the indoor training ground, as outside was obviously raining. I quietly made my way up the ramp of stairs that took to the bleachers and sat down, immediately spotting Cheng’s figure as soon as I laid my eyes on the group of players having a basketball training match. Afraid to focus on how his t-shirt was drenched in sweat and admire the parts that were were seethrough, I soon entertained myself by rewriting some notes about today’s marketing lesson and adding some extra content from the book. 

"I thought you were going home today. Don’t you have work?” I suddenly looked up, taken by surprise, and I was fighting to contain a smile when I saw my friend leaning over my notes close to my face.

“Yeah, around nine,” I looked casually at my watch, noticing that I still had four hours to kill. “If I would have gone home, it would've taken me more time to come back and go to work. And I remembered you had your training today, so I came here instead of staying in the library.” I explained anxiously while taking out an oversized red juicy apple and a bottle of water from my backpack, and handing them over to him.

His eyes sparkled. “Oh, thanks.” He mumbled, clearly embarrassed, looking around us before taking them. 

Maybe I shouldn’t have done it. 

“I saw you were a bit tired today during class. Are you sleeping and eating enough?” Cheng asked me worriedly as he sat next to me while munching on the apple and chunking down the whole bottle of water as if nothing happened.

“I'm fine,” I huffed, trying to ease his worries and lowering my gaze guiltily when I spotted myself looking at him drying his mouth with the back of his hand.  

“Go shower if you have finished or you're going to catch something. And outside is cold and rainy; make sure you dry your hair.” I recommended looking again at the phrase that I was writing down, trying to understand what the hell it was about.

“Yes, mommy.” my friend grabbed my shoulder tightly and stood up. “Give me ten minutes.” Cheng swiftly climbed down the stairs with a broad smile on his face, leaving me lightheaded as usual. After the agreed time, I put back my stuff as I saw him waving at me from the bottom of the bleachers, but before going down, I checked nervously that my hoodie was in place and neat.

“Let’s eat something at home. I'm tired of going to restaurants; I want to eat some genuine homemade food tonight. Are you in?” Cheng looked at me with puppy eyes “Chin Maeeee?” he called me out, embracing my shoulders while pushing me outside the training ground doors, and opening his small umbrella.

“Y-yeah, okay,” I replied, embarrassed when he pulled me closer to him so that we would fit under it. We quickly stopped at the small supermarket near his house to take the necessary ingredients to dine, and then we finally reached his apartment soon after. 

“What’s wrong?” Cheng asked when he catches me looking at my watch for the fifth time in less than thirty minutes. He looked at me suspiciously and closed the door behind him, leaving the umbrella dripping on one corner of the room, not bothered by the mess it will make.

“Nothing… I just get a bit anxious when I know that I have a shift coming up.” I hurriedly emptied the shopping bags on the table and put them where they were supposed to be. “Also, let me contribute a bit next time, you always pay, and it’s not fair.”

“Mmh, but you cook and tidy up. So why should I make you pay when you take care of me?” Cheng mocked me, moving some bags behind me and placing them on the table to get better access. My heart fluttered at his sweet perfume mixed with rain, and I had to mentally slap myself to contain the goosebumps that soon ran all over my body and directed somewhere they shouldn't have gone.

"I get it, but still-" I turned around to face him but stopped instantly, nearly dropping the bag of peppers when I saw him removing his partially drenched university hoodie. “Why are you wet?!” I scolded him, getting closer and touching the drenched side of his head and shoulder. “Did you give me the whole umbrella?” I asked, embarrassed but careful not to show him.

“Well, you're always sick, so…” my friend quickly removed it and disappeared into his room, coming back short after all changed and smiley. I shook my head, spouting an embarrassed thanks, and then I began to prepare some Korean dishes, explaining what they were and how to prepare them. Cheng soon got better at making some dumplings called Mandu while I prepared some vegetable soup and some white rice. I smiled with a hint of sadness in it, remembering when I was cooking with my dad, sighing as I missed those moments so much-

“Do you have a girlfriend back home?” Cheng asked me unexpectedly, eating quickly one of the dumplings he placed on a plate before looking at me. Even though it wasn't a question out of the ordinary, it felt weird coming from him. 

“I had one… We broke up.” I answered without getting into details as a suffocating heat came up from my stomach, “Would you mind if I eat only some meat?” I asked, waiting to get some from the fridge. My friend nodded nonchalantly, opening a bottle of wine and pouring the crimson liquid into some wine glasses. I then placed the plates with his food on the table and quickly seared my meat, sitting down soon after when ready. 

We made a toast to ourselves, and I quote from him, 'our closeness', before eating. As I looked at the red wine before me, I sipped it carefully, afraid that I would vomit as I did days ago when I tried to drink some milk. Nausea seemed to slowly disappear while I took another sip before devouring my steak, enjoying the blood dancing alongside my saliva and accompanying it eagerly down my throat. 

Cheng seemed to be in the same state because as he ate his food, he also chunked down more wine, focusing mainly on the dumplings he prepared. I couldn't help but smirk at his now chubby face for the amount of food he had stuck in his mouth, nodding and commenting in Chinese how much the food was good.

“Why did you split up with her?” Cheng asked once he had chewed it all down, tapping a napkin over his lips. “How long ago?” he clarified, meeting my surprised expression. He slightly leaned back in his chair and looked at me with a neutral expression, as if he was forcing himself to avoid showing his emotions and what he was thinking.

“Mostly a year ago." I sighed, the question did bother me, but I was willing to answer as I needed to get over it already. I chunked down another glass of wine, trying to think of something else than my eyes getting watery and the sensations of disappointment sliding over me. 

"She dumped me because she was tired of seeing me hurt… Let's say that I got into lots of fights and lost them all. She wanted a real man beside her, not a loser.” I answered coldly, using the exact same words she'd used as I cut the last piece of my steak and zoned out while watching the last thread of blood expanding on the plate.

“I'm sorry.” Cheng automatically stretched his arm across the table and reached my hand that was cupped slightly against the table surface, “I shouldn’t have asked.” I flinched at the touch, but I didn't break the connection, actually comforted and grateful that he did it. Seeing me keeping the contact, Cheng held it a bit more firmly, allowing his thumb to slide and caressing my palm with small movements.

“It’s fine. It shouldn't bother me; it's just the truth.” ignoring the words of protest from him, I poured some more wine for both, soon emptying it again. Nonetheless, I felt light-headed and at peace with myself, even if the topic of the conversation wasn't one of the best. 

“But it bothers you,” Cheng replied sadly. “I will make you realise how she's wrong about you.” he smiled, reassuring me a bit by intertwining his fingers with mine. I clenched my other hand to refrain from pulling him close to me and regret whatever I was about to do tomorrow.

“We'll see... Amaze me.” I admitted winking at him and letting out a small laugh that seemed to make his eyes sparkle. I had to keep my cool, break our connection and leave that place as soon as possible.

Damn, that wine was strong. 

How was I supposed to go to work in that state?