"Chin Mae!" I heard my name being yelled at in the hallway, and I turned around, startled, searching for one of my many sources of nightmares while getting some students' irritated glances. I sighed when I finally spotted him, and Cheng speeded up; a bright smile was painted on his face. He pushed aside some students blocking his way without any concern.

"I thought you would have left me behind again," he uttered, relieved. Cheng was about to lay his hand on my shoulder, but he retracted it as soon as I glared at it. 

No touchy-touchy, please.

"I can't stay with you today. I have stuff to do," I hastily cut the conversation and turned to flee away, but I didn't even have the time to distance myself from him because he grabbed my nape and forced me to face him. His grip tightened, and I couldn't help but swallow hard as fear started to get the best of me. The voices around us seemed to quiet down, but all I could hear was my heartbeat bouncing in my ears. 

Did I take it too far?

Before I could even mumble anything to excuse myself, Cheng got closer to my face, and as he did that, his expression darkened while his body tensed exponentially. What divided us were only thin air and a few inches. When I was about to close my eyes, he moved his face next to mine. "Don't you ever treat me like that again, or I will make you regret it, Chin Mae," he whispered next to my right ear. I held my breath as chills were lightening my body like thunderstruck, feeling my limbs go numb all at once.

"You better be my friend rather than my enemy, remember that." with a severe face, he took a step back, then burst into a laugh that made people stare in our direction once again. I didn't like all that attention at all. "You should look at your face!" he covered his mouth, trying to contain his laugh from growing more while I turned beet red. I grasped the ear where he whispered, somehow embarrassed and self-conscious. 

Jeez, what the hell was that?

"Okay… Sorry." I mumbled, upset, before heading outside the building at a fast pace, clenching the backpack straps tightly around my shoulder. Too hot; too hot in there.

"So, does this mean that we are having fun together this afternoon?" he asked enthusiast, trying to stay at my pace while giving me his usual eager behaviour. He crossed his arms against his chest and looked down at me, waiting for a reply that took its time to arrive.

"Yeah, whatever," I reply, annoyed. "But don't hold me back, and let me do my stuff first, then we do what you want." I sighed again and surrendered at his will as we made our way around the city. I hope I won't regret it.

I didn't want to admit that staying with him was enjoyable or made me forget my concerns. I didn't want to because I was afraid of getting infected and addicted to the warmth he always irradiates. I was scared to look forward to meeting him and being his centre of attention. The feeling of being left behind after you get used to that treatment... I didn't want to feel it again.

I'd never met a person like him, so it was challenging to keep up with all that scenes and try to push him away as much as possible. It can be considered selfish because it was only meant to prevent me from getting hurt, but... He shouldn't be around me in the first place, even if it felt like we were constantly drawn to each other.

Due to my avoidance of creating some sort of conversation, Cheng, with casualness, decided to entertain me. He informed me about something that happened in the classes we didn't share, luckily, and the sports events that soon will be going on in the university, confessing his interest in checking out our team members that will play in some competitions. I only nodded, secretly thanking him for helping to stay afloat in the sea of darkness that was reigning in my head. I wonder if he will soon get tired of my ungrateful and quiet behaviour-

"What the hell?!" I moaned, stopping my internal turmoil as I watched the grey sky pouring down heavy rain. I covered my head with a hand, scanning around for a place to shelter with my blurry eyes. Was I about to cry? And for what damn reason?!

"Yeah, welcome to England." Cheng laughed as he pushed me against a building that kept at least our heads dry, "Should we just go home? My apartment is near," he suggested shaking from the cold. Our jackets, what was I saying? Our entire bodies were already drenched from head to toe.

"I need to buy a SIM card first; the store should be closed... I think," I mumbled, moving my backpack to the front, and checking if the inside got wet as well, "You can go home if you want," I suggested, hoping that he would at least consider it. I didn't really want to split up, but...

"Nah, I'm fine. Some rain won't kill me anyway." he shrugged, smirking at me. Cheng typed something on his smartphone and put it back in his pocket with a worried expression. 

Was he supposed to be somewhere else? Then why he insisted on coming with me?

"Alright, then. I also need to leave some curriculums on the way; it shouldn't take long." I confirmed, partially comforted, that I wouldn't be passing another day completely alone. I hated it, but I couldn't do otherwise if I wanted to protect myself and my future. I had to focus on changing my life, achieving the goals I planned without any distractions... yet how could I stop Cheng from getting closer if I had contrasting emotions in the first place?

I knew I had to have the power to shift my negative thoughts by myself, as I was told that people should first fix themselves before letting other people enter their lives... then, why was he so fundamental in lifting my spirit? Was I that much of a loser who needed other people's attention to feel worthy and needed to feel enough within myself?

"Sure then, let's go. We need to plan our assessments as well,  might as well do it while we're together," Cheng remembered me, stopping another internal riot with my thoughts. Sometimes the best times of my life would come up once in a while, making me taste the bittersweet taste of those nice moments that at the moment I didn't have. But I could still add new pages to that same memory with other people; it didn't have to be with the same ones to be the best, like in the past.

I nodded and smiled slightly, I've always enjoyed doing homework or revision with my friends, and the fact that I was sharing one of my favourite and memorable moment with Cheng made me realise that I didn't have to completely forget the good things that happened in the past to avoid missing them. Especially after I came to the fact that I had changed, I could still miss and treasure that moment, even if things changed, even if I changed into something new. 

We managed to find the place I was looking for in no time, but only thanks to him because I cursed myself for my bad sense of direction. Maybe it was a good thing that I took him with me. I changed my new SIM card and went to the printer shop to get extra CV copies to hand out. I was happy to have finally accomplished some of the tasks on my to-do list for the day. I was recently demotivated and without energy, and doing all this made my day. 

As I was about to put my now fully working phone back in my pocket, Cheng stoled it agilely and looked at me with his joyous and cheerful eyes. Not expecting that reaction, my heart quivered, and embarrassment washed over me. Unsettled, I immediately tried to get it back, but Cheng held me in place by pressing a hand on my chest. I pushed myself against his palm, feeling a stretch I shouldn't have felt. "Agh!" I moaned painfully as I instantly stepped back. I leaned against a wall next to me and held my torso gently, exactly where the cut was still swollen, and I was sure it just had started bleeding. "Dammit."

"Stupid, why did you do that?!" he shouted, worried, hoovering apprehensively over me, "Here, take it back! I only wanted to add my phone number." his voice turned grim and disappointed, instantly making me feel guilty for some reason. I couldn't breathe, goddammit. I closed my eyes to control my breath, focusing on the cold air filling my lungs instead of how much I was feeling lightheaded from the pain and the too many emotions all at once.

"You okay? Does it still hurts?" his now soft and caring voice felt so near that I couldn't help but shiver. Maybe it was just from the cold, but as I turned to look at him, I realised that I wasn't mad anymore. Sometimes it felt like we had known each other for years, especially due to the trust and synergy we had... and especially the patience he had towards me, which I only had with dated friends back home. But it was something that I had to keep to myself.

"Why do you have to behave like this all the time?!" I hissed, not bothered to answer his questions. I looked at him, pissed, even though I wanted to apologise for always overreacting. I scratched the back of my head and pulled some hair down to recompose myself, but his hand stopped me and brought it back down to my side. 

"Yeah, I'm sorry, okay? Just be careful; I just wanted to be playful," he excused himself, even though he shouldn't have. There was nothing worse than people who make you feel extra for just being yourself, and I was sorry that I was making him feel that way even though I wasn't completely aware until now. But before I could say something - like an apology - he caressed my hand slightly and looked at the sky slowly clearing up. 

"You know..." he started hesitantly. "You can relax with me; there's no need to be this...tense. I won't hurt you," he concluded after a few seconds. He sighed, looking at me with an uneasy and timid expression. 

Oh, don't look at me with those eyes, you punk.

"And why would you want my number anyway?" I asked, trying to recompose myself before I jumped over him and tried to do anything to make him laugh again. I didn't know why, but I couldn't stand seeing him not as cheerful as always. I hoped that by changing the topic, he would get back to his usual self quickly.

"You know, just in case something happens-" he stopped, looking at me baffled. "I meant, in case you need something or want to hang out."

"Whatever," I replied, shrugging my shoulders. I tried to contain a smile, lowering my head as we walked towards some pubs, but my head was over the heels. Every time I met Cheng, the wall I was building cracked in all directions, and I was sure it was a matter of time before everything crumbled down. How could he make me feel at ease but positively bothered? Was that even a thing?

Time kept running, and Cheng patiently waited for me after I got out from my last 'CV drop-off' as he called it, insisting that we absolutely deserved something warm to celebrate the future working class man - me, of course - and soon we were in front of Cost*s. From how he talked about it, it seemed to be one of his favourite places. He kept blabbering about how much he loved their pumpkin latte or something - and I couldn't help but laugh at how happy he seemed when we were in front of the shop.

Once inside, the smell of strong coffee hit my nostrils like a punch in the face, nauseating me to death. It was unusual because cafes were where I used to hang out the most back home, but somehow it was a thousand per cent stronger that time. Cheng noticed my abrupt reaction, of course. He smirked with his usual warm expression and grinned radiantly, that kind of smile that would make your legs weak and instantly smile back like an idiot, and that's exactly what happened.

The clogged weight in my chest was slowly lifted as soon as our eyes met, and I couldn't help but smile back at him, bending my head slightly to one side. He unexpectedly bit the inside of his lower lip, trying to keep his smile from growing, then turned to face the waiter behind the counter, waiting patiently to get our orders. Once given, Cheng tapped his finger impatiently on the counter as we were waiting for our drinks. I couldn't avoid stopping him after a few seconds by placing a hand over his as the tipping sound seemed to resonate in my ears like an annoying woodpecker.

My body was closer enough to breathe in his perfume, and without realising it, a pleasing sigh blew out from my dry lips. I squinted my eyes: the more I breathed in, the more mouth water I got. I was so close that my chest touched his arm, and my chin pocked his shoulder while I leaned on his neck. I breathed in deeply with a smirk and licked my lips, gradually looking up to see his surprised expression that shook me back to reality. I jolted a few steps back and stared at the floor, humiliated.

What was wrong with me? I felt like I lost my mind or control for a few seconds, and it wasn't the first time it had happened. I should probably force myself to eat appropriately tonight; tea or coffee was not a substitute for food in the end. Maybe that's why I felt so lightheaded and wasn't conscious of my actions.

When our drinks were ready, I grabbed mine as soon as it was placed on the counter. Cheng made his way to a table at the back, carefully removing his jacket on the way there so he wouldn't spill his drink. I sipped my hot tea, and when I looked up, his neck seemed all my eyes could focus on. His scent was so intense that I thought I was about to suffocate.

I swallowed hard a second time, feeling my mouth dripping saliva as goosebumps began to form on my skin. I shivered and breathed in sharply. Spasms started to make my stomach move on its own, giving me a living hell, and I was forced to arrest my pace, holding myself up on the spot. My vision got blurry, and a sudden pain in my chest made me curve my shoulders forward. I felt like lava was rising its way up to my throat, burning everything it touched, and I immediately covered my mouth, feeling like I was about to throw up, when someone bumped into my shoulder, dropping my tea on the floor. 

At the sound of the takeaway cup hitting the floor, Cheng turned toward me.

"Hey, did you burn yourself?!" he asked when I kept silent at the same question that repeated ten times in a row as I wasn't listening, still lost in my daze. Pissed by my non-reaction, Cheng grabbed my supposed burned hand and looked at it closely. "I'm glad you didn't. I'll get you another drink while you sit at our table; you look pale." he looked right into my eyes and held one side of my face. "You don't look well."

"I'm okay," I mumbled, removing his hand. "I don't want another-" as soon as I kneeled to grab the empty cup, I immediately felt dizzy and nauseous.

"Chin Mae!" I heard him shout when I allowed myself to give in to gravity and let all the remaining strength flow out of my body, just as if someone had just switched off the power. The only things I could feel after were my body slamming on the floor and my head becoming lighter every second.