"Please… No!" something wet slid on my cheeks. "Please, listen to me! Mother-" I shouted, waking up suddenly, realising that something cold was pressed on my forehead.

"You're sure full of mystery." Cheng sighed, helping me to sit up while I quickly removed some tears from my face. Worried, I looked around and wondered where I was and how to make those voices disappear from my head. It's been months that I struggled to sleep, affecting my mind and behaviour, making me less friendly - not that I complained - but very paranoid and anxious. Not even one place could make me feel safe, and not even one person could get my trust; I even started to doubt myself and what I was thinking.

"Come on now, take off your clothes." Cheng stood up, putting the cloth on the night table. "We've got class tomorrow, and it's already late." I shook my head, refusing to do as he said even though I felt bad. I couldn't undress right in front of him, and besides that, I was also ashamed for even existing at that exact moment. I bet that wasn't how he wanted to end his night out with an acquaintance.

"I'll keep my clothes on." I said, trying to sound resolute, "I don't have extra clothes to change into anyway, and I don't want to abuse your kindness. I'm already out of line." I forced myself to smile, but that same smile died as anger showed on his face.

Kneeling, he quickly began to unbutton my blue shirt. "You're not abusing my kindness, but you're pissing me off," he specified sharply as he unbuttoned it and revealed my naked upper body, soon looking at it completely shocked.

His reaction made me instantly cover myself with the limbs of the shirt, brushing his hands away from me. "I'm sorry," I mumbled as I tried to lift myself while avoiding his eye contact.

"It's okay. It's me who needs to be sorry." Cheng took my arm gently and held it close until we reached the bathroom door right in front of his bed. "Wash up; I'm going to wait for you here. We need to take care of that once you get out, okay?" he directed me, trying to stop looking at my body. Nodding at his instruction, I closed the bathroom door behind me, laying on it and letting out a quiet sigh before making my way in front of the sink, which had a big mirror that gave me a better look at my current state. 

But yeah, I did look horrible.

Stumbling to the ample shower cabin, I found myself hoping for once that the alcohol in my body would disappear quickly, allowing the hot water to turn my body red for the heat, but that's what I needed; I needed warmth. I felt so cold inside that goosebumps started to run down my body, and I shivered when I could still feel his hands on me, even if days had passed. I wanted to remove every trace of those damn hands on me once and for all... Those hands that I trusted and relied on in my darkest moments.

Rubbing my body furiously, I tried to remove the dirt I could only spot, feeling it could never disappear. Little by little, the rage left my system, making me feel like a complete idiot. I couldn't undo things and change the past; I just had to deal with it and go on. 

I was there now, and I was safe; I would survive. I didn't need anybody, and I could continue without them because I was strong enough. 

I was enough.

Getting out of the shower, I breathed in the hot steam as I wrapped my lower body with a bath towel and silently cursed when I spotted its colour: why does it have to be white? Sighing deeply, I removed the steam from the mirror with my damp palm, soon noticing from my reflection some blood sliding down to my hip and staining the pure cotton towel. The deep cut under my right ribcage was bleeding heavily; I shouldn't have rubbed my body like that. 

Grabbing a face towel, I started tapping on the wound, moaning quietly from the pain when the rough cotton brushes on it. "Damn it-" I hissed, cursing myself for my idiocy. I should have bought some first aid kit instead of going out with him; the sign that the wound was hurting was bugging me all day, and yet I decided to ignore it. 

Clenching my jaw when a stabbing pain rose from my stomach, I tried to convince myself that everything was just fine once again while breathing in and out slowly more than a few times. I was away from all those toxic people, I was safe, and nobody could touch me anymore; nobody could use me at their heart's content ever again.

Tidying up after my mess, I rewashed my sweaty face before making my way out of the bathroom while putting another hand towel around my neck. I had to endure it; things would get better once my mindset changed. I did so much; I came a long way; now it was my time to look after myself and stop the pity I piled up that brought me nothing. I could change my life; it just took time, as everything is a lesson, and I still had a lot to learn.

I took some courage shovelled from the pep talk and opened the bathroom door, but as soon as I walked out, the view of Cheng sitting on the bed and his shallow eyes drifting on me stopped me on the spot. Suddenly, I felt empty and tired, my body about to collapse again, feeling energy drifting away.

"Hem…" I cleared my voice, rubbing my hair a bit while covering the open wound with the other hand. "I'm sorry for... everything. Thank you so much for your hospitality, Cheng." I tried to excuse myself, and I honestly felt sorry for him. A stranger had forced himself into his apartment after being ungrateful to him the whole day, and now he witnessed his martyrised body, full of bruises and cuts. I must be so pitiful in his eyes. But Cheng didn't reply to my acknowledgement and just stood up from the bed, walking silently towards me. 

My heart soon skipped a beat, and my brain started to send me warning signals. 

Was he going to beat me? Was he going to kick me out of his house? Did he regret meeting me already? But I guessed it was normal for how I behaved since we met... I shouldn't have lowered my guard; I shouldn't have followed him into that damn restaurant-

"You'll get a cold if you stay like this." Cheng removed the towel around my neck and covered my head instead, rubbing it gently. I jumped back, shooing his hands off me one more time, looking at his hurt expression as I stepped back up until I hit the wall with my back. Cheng came closer again, touching my torso slightly as he examined my swollen wound.

"Don't touch me," I ordered, panicking and breaking free from his cornering sport, grabbing some folded clothes on the bed that I assumed were for me and holding them close to my body. I didn't dare to raise my gaze and only looked at his hands lying relaxed next to his body. I expected him to be angry and aggressive about my behaviour, but seeing him like that made me partially settle.

"I'm going to shower. Don't disappear while I'm gone," he stated after spending a few seconds looking concerned at me, finally deciding to enter the bathroom area. I shook my head, a bit confused and surprised, and quickly changed into the clothes he had chosen for me only after he disappeared behind that door, feeling weirdly content that he didn't briefly send me away after discovering my... state. 

But why did he want me to stay? Other people would have kicked me out, thinking I was no good or a crook. But besides that, I needed to leave... I couldn't allow him to ask about my injuries. I didn't want anybody to know, nonetheless a person whom I would see for the rest of the year as he was my classmate. He had seen enough already.

Confirming my thoughts with my heart, I searched erratically for my backpack and clothes, but they looked like they had disappeared. Surrendering to my fate and making peace with myself that I had to stay there for the night, I made my way into the living room and sat down heavily and discouraged on the sofa, rubbing my face as I slowly lay down on the soft brown leather beneath me. My eyes soon wandered around the room, looking at the cooking area a few meters from me and the front door beside me, tempting me to get out. 

Jeez, if I only had my clothes and my stuff, I could run away from this perfect house that was suffocating me, making me feel extra and unworthy, an extra, a person who would never get where he was...

I was sure that his family provided everything for Cheng, but sometimes I wondered how a family could give you so much without asking for anything in return besides behaving and studying hard. It was a golden ticket that I had never had, and I was feeling jealous of that boy with a brand-new apartment and the style of furniture chosen for a university student that would leave that apartment in a few years.

Rage ran through my veins while I scratched the bite the bastard had given me before I could run away, repulsed by the fact that it was not healing properly. It might have seemed stupid, but every time I touched it, it felt like I could revive the moment he did it: the pain, the sound of my muffled and suffocated voice that echoed in the room as he trapped me under him... The struggle to run away and to stay awake before I collapsed on the floor under his weight and blacked out for days as the pain had paralysed my body... But by that event, every time I touched it, I felt more motivated and prouder of the decision that I took, even though what I did was only avoiding to face the problem that I didn't know how to solve. The sad truth was that the situation was way out of control, and I couldn't do anything about it, not even ask for help... so I did my best. 

I had to run away.

Chills ran through my body, and I curled up, trying to warm up my numb and cold limbs. I could feel Cheng's t-shirt getting wet while I slowly closed my tired eyes, falling into a deep sleep without even realising it.

I was going to be just fine.

 I had to.