“Welcome to the new students, and welcome back to the ones who succeeded their past year. I'm your course leader, Mr Donovan.” The anonymous tall man looked briefly at the audience.

“I just want to point out that our university has set rules and does not tolerate any form of violence, vandalism, plagiarism, discrimination and abuse from anyone.” looking suddenly serious and stiff in his navy suit, he shifted his weight from a leg to another; taking back some of his silvery hair. Tension raised in the packed lecture theatre, making me unconsciously hold my breath, waiting for him to continue. Is it just me, or does everybody always think about the worst-case scenario every time something happens? 

“If you fail to respect these rules, then there will be consequences such as a suspension or expulsion from our university.” his tone was deep, trying to let us understand the gravity of it while every student kept quiet. Jeez, this should be a welcoming speech, not a military enrollment. I get that students, or better, young people in general, are naive and dumb, but that was too much.

“So keep your mind focused on your goals, behave and respect others, and study hard because we all are here to support you from this year until you graduate. Now it's time for me to shut up and let you go to your first classes, all of you tutors have many things to add to my small lecture. Have a nice day.” having concluded his speech, the man walked off the lecture theatre, disappearing from the room full of excited and sleepy students who had successfully made it out of their bed on time, way earlier than usual, I bet. I guess it was only me who listened at all this pantomime. 

Everybody stood up in an instant, some leaving their seat quietly and some others grouping up before leaving the lecture theatre to get to their classes... and then there was me, wishing to do the same, desiring to be bold enough to initiate any conversation just to prove myself that I have changed.

Taking a few deep breaths before actually making my way out, just when I watched mostly everyone leaving the room without looking back, I wandered around the university corridors, trying to find the room where I should have my first seminar. 

Looking anxiously at the plate number on the side of each classroom door, my heart skipped a beat every time I found out that it did not correspond to the number I wished to find. Checking the time on my watch every ten seconds, I mocked myself for being this useless and fearful of mostly everything and everyone. I should just grow up and face life carelessly and freely just like the other students, and yet I'm here, alone and late by already fifteen minutes just because I didn't want to ask someone for directions, fearing that they would judge me for my numbness of not finding a goddamn classroom. 

Still not finding anybody on my way, I kept walking through the corridors after moving to the upper floor, hopeful of finding room G506 on this one. Walking at a faster pace now, I turned back and took another way that led me instead to a breathtaking glass wall view that showed part of the busy city centre, as the campus I was on was situated right in the middle of it, where no green spaces were seen for miles. My reflection in the window was secondary to the grey city that, at this moment, reflected my mood and current state of mind. The sky of September covered the town under a gloomy light, clouding the sun since I arrived in this country only a few days ago. 

I wonder what reaction she had when she saw the note I left on the table before leaving home definitively this time. I wonder if she had her blood turning cold when she read it or started to cry while trying to call me on my phone that I purposely blocked for her, unsure what reaction I would have had if I had seen her name on my display after leaving that house once and for all. 

Would I have gone back home and endured the situation I ran away from for how long? 

How long before we could, or better, I could continue to have that kind of life with her now, knowing what he and I were doing behind her back, even if unwillingly on my part? 

“Hey,” someone grabbed my arm, returning me to reality. “Are you lost?” a deep voice got right through me, that Asian accent that shook my insides for an instant. I smiled instantly, feeling at home for a second, then fear took the best of me, and I turned abruptly to discover, gladly, that I had never met him in my whole life.

“Oh.” I sighed as my gaze lays on his hand, still around my arm. He removed it quickly, clearly understanding my little distress and thanking him silently with my eyes for giving me space.

“Yeah, I'm looking for room G506? I think it should be around here as this is the last floor I've not checked-” I mumbled, unable to find the right words from one moment to another; I couldn’t speak English anymore. 

What the hell? Why did I always have to ruin everything?

“The tutor asked me to look for you. She thought you were lost... like a puppy.” laughing tenderly and composedly, he examined me from head to toe before continuing, his eyes glistening for some unknown reason. “We're on the same course... Chin Mae,” he added, smiling after he read my name on my collar badge. Making his way along the glass wall corridor, he stopped and waved at me, inviting me to follow him back to the class he came from. Why was he so... shiny?

My collar badge kept hitting my abdomen while walking, echoing in the silent corridors filled only by our muffled footsteps on the grey moquette that covered the whole university floor. It was annoying being obligated to wear that thing around my neck, I didn't like that everybody could see my name whenever they wanted, but luckily it should be compulsory only for that year. Oh, I didn’t see his name on the badge.

His black pitch hair looked like a walking ink stain. A little taller than me, muscles at the right part of the body, hair perfectly cut - shaved on the sides and long wavy hair styled on the top but kept neat - gave him the nearly perfect boy look… I said almost perfect. I bet he was a spoiled rich brat with a rich and strict family. He was waiting to go to another country only to break free from them and do what he really wanted for at least three years, but who can judge him?

If I didn't have any issues back home, I would have done the same, just to boost my education path and challenge myself to have new life experiences. In the end, good education and good working experiences could give you a good career path and an easy life, wasn't it? 

At least, that was what society told us: if you had the knowledge, you had the power. You automatically gained respect from others as soon as they knew what type of degree you had, companies you had worked for, any interesting internships or placements you did while at university... and that's what made your parents respect you too. 

A pity that mine won't ever know about it.

Lost in thoughts, he slowed his pace, and I moved my attention to the walls surrounding us filled with posters and reviews of successfully graduated students about their course and what it led them to work for once finished. “Where're you from?” he simply asked, scratching his neck. What was he nervous about?

“Seoul,” I said quickly, avoiding his gaze when his dark chocolate eyes reflected in mine, squeezing my arms tightly on my chest as a cold sweat started to dampen my skin. Why did I keep having these chills? It felt like I was having a constant fever even though I didn't.

“Weird. I thought you were Japanese. You had a bit of an accent when you talk,” shrugging his shoulders. He smiled tenderly. "It's cute."  I shivered, stopping on the spot. My heart started racing in my chest, and my hand automatically laid on it, grasping my shirt. Damn, stop it. Not again.

“Hey, you okay?” slowly reaching me like I would get scared by any sudden movements, he covered the meter that separated us, grabbing the hand on my chest. 

“Do you want to get some hair? You don't look well.” he tried to catch my gaze, grabbing my chin and forcing me to look him in the eyes. “Come on, let’s go.”

“No. No, let’s go to class. I think it's just the jet lag, nothing to worry about.” I freed from his grasp, moving forward while gently covering my abdomen with my hand. My heart kept pumping like crazy in my chest, and tears wanted to break free from my eyes, but I forced myself to think that I was okay and that nobody knew anything about me there. He doesn’t know me, so it's fine. I will be fine.

“Wait!” he shouted, grabbing my arm again and pulling me back, making me lose my balance and fall onto him. Our bodies pressed together made me feel his muscles on my flat and unshaped body, which tensed up at the contact, making me feel inferior for a strange reason. Again. 

Why did I always have to feel like that? And was he that friendly to everyone?  

Why would he even invite me out if he knew me by less than ten minutes?

“I don’t remember giving you this intimacy.” I burst angrily, breaking our physical contact. “Stay away from me, don’t touch me,” I said steadily and expressionless, looking away and walking over to him as I tried to get air through my lungs. I couldn't have a panic attack, nothing happened, and it was just an accident. 

Why was I overreacting like that? 

“You can’t go to class in this state. I mean, look at you.” he stopped me again. “I'm going to tell the tutor that you are not feeling well. I will get you something good, and I will take you home afterwards.” he insisted, pushing me onto the green sofa in front of the lift as he forced me down to make me sit down. "It will be my treat, okay? Stay here. I will be quick.” smirking, pleased at whatever image passed through his brain, I tried to push him back; I didn’t intend to do what that guy said. Get the hell off me.

Struggling to break free from his grip completely, I whined, “Please, just leave me alone-!” my voice cracked, maybe from the amount of stress accumulated recently, perhaps because I was not ready to let other people in my life yet, even if it was an only acquaintance "I said I'm fine, so back off and let's go to class." I added, recomposing myself, watching him do as I said while locking our eyes together. 

“Why are you... Doing all this?” he simply asked, softening his voice but still catching a hint of disappointment and anger. I bet he's used to having his way with everything. “I just wanted to take you out. You know, you seem... interesting," he explained, moving his hair back while I contemplated his toned body unconsciously and how his hair and face resembled perfection. 

Without adding anything else, I stood up and walked in the opposite direction, pissed and tired of his stupid teasing and my unwanted staring. I hated that part of myself where no matter if it were a man or a woman, if it had certain characteristics, I would just lose myself in watching them without flinching and without wanting anything in return; I just wanted to stare and admire them, was it... sick. Was I wrong? 

But anyway, if he was that bored on the first day of university, I wondered how he would cope in a month- even though I was sure he would manage as his family would keep asking about his grades and expected excellency. Also, he needed to find another interesting person; it would not be me who would entertain him in his boring and perfect life.

“Okay, okay. Let's go to class, then,” he surrendered, grabbing me for my jacket and pointing to the escalator in front of him. “It's this way .”