“HUMAN!!” Something heavy abruptly landed onto your formerly sleeping body, causing you to shriek and blindly swing your arm, hitting strangely malleable bone in the process.

A skull? You thought it was a bit too round for that…

“HUMAN! IT IS TIME TO GET UP AND GO ON OUR RUN!” Overblown cyan orbs sparkled in the sockets of a vibrating skeleton as you tried to remember what happened. Should you be concerned?

The skeleton, wait, Sans, you recalled him calling himself, was literally dragging you out of his bed, throwing what appeared to be some of his clothes at you.

“Hey, wait-!” You reached out, only for him to literally cartwheel?? out the door, ‘MWEH-HE-HE’-ing all the way.

“sorry, he got into the caff again. gotta stop keeping that stuff where he can reach it.“ You whipped around to see Papyrus absently picking up the clothes his brother had thrown around his room, clearly used to Sans’ antics.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. I’m no morning bird, just-” You yawned, slinging your purse over your shoulder. “jus’ gimme a cup, ‘kay?”

You changed quickly in the bathroom, wondering why skeletons kept shampoo while rinsing your mouth.

“shall we?” He held out his arm like a proper gentleman, a small smirk pulling at his teeth.

“Let’s.” You sniffed haughtily, resting your right palm in his hand. He smiled, a twitch up from his perpetual grin.

His bones felt warm, but rough, though for some reason you expected them to be softer. Maybe it was because he said they were ‘monsters’, and didn’t come from humans? It was calming, anyhow. You bantered easily as you both finished up and grabbed your respective breakfasts (eggs and toast for you, honeyed waffles for him), waving goodbye at the distant sight of Sans on the horizon charging straight at you.

He raced into the house, taking you by the hand and wasting no time in starting his ‘daily run’. You pedaled your legs comically and desperately to avoid getting smashed against the pavement.

“Sans, please, slow down!”

“I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF BONE-BREAKING POWER!!!”

“I think I’m gonna- hrg-!”

You stumbled, and the ground rushed up to meet you, only for you to feel a disorienting rise in your stomach as you floated upwards.

“Sans, is that youu-?” The world flew by in a blur as Sans effortlessly sprinted around the block, suspending you in cyan along the way.

“NO TIME TO TALK, HUMAN BUDDO!! I GOTTA BEAT ALPHYS’ RECORD!!!”

You shrugged, resigned to your fate. It wasn’t as if Summer, your stepsister hadn’t carried you around like this before. Granted, she had never done it with such enthusiasm, but Sans hadn’t dropped you yet, and you didn’t see any strain whatsoever.

After an indescribable amount of time, Sans dumped the two of you on the couch, eyelights still filling his sockets.

“OHSTARSPAPYITHINKI’MLATEIGOTTAGOBYE!!!” Papyrus watched him vanish out the door with a pensive expression, stroking your dizzy head. “jeez, i gotta go call ‘em to expect him. wonder how he’d break down the door this time…? and hey, buddy, take it easy, will ya? lemme call up some people to see if there are any jobs open...“

He vanished up the stairs, and you decided to take his advice. Ugh, it was only thanks to your Dad’s training, with the help of Aron, that you were able to avoid spewing all over Sans’ clothes. Y’know, you could really see how Papyrus was so tired all the time.

“okay, so here’s the deal.” Papyrus sat down beside you, putting his hands in his hoodie pouch. “i called up some folks, and i need to know your skillset to determine what kinda job would work best for you.”

“Uh, what’re the jobs? ‘m not very choosy right now.” You mumbled, face still buried in the couch.

“muffet’s and grillby’s, ‘course, and i heard that burgerpants quit, so there’s that if ya like. muffet really just needs someone to help serve her customers, since she’s doing all the cooking. grillby’s... got these fire-ants, and he wants someone to watch out for pesky humans trying to take them or something. he’s a good guy at SOUL… i think. burgerpants quit from ntb’s place, so i gotta warn ya: ntb is a real piece of work. he’s vain, egotistical, and doesn’t like to listen to people. his weak point is his cousin, happstablook. ntb’s real eager to get on happy’s good side again. oh, and burgerpants was ntt’s gofer.”

“Got it. Server, bouncer, I guess, and gofer? What benefits do they offer?”

“muffet’s pays pretty well, and she’s a decent boss, all things considered. grillby’s more eccentric, he pays less but offers complete coverage of medical costs… i hope it’s not for the reason i’m thinking. ntb pays, and you’d probably get a car and place outta it. on the downside, ntb will probably unintentionally humiliate you at some point. hours-wise muffet’s fairly understanding, compared to grillby.”

“That being said, think I’ll apply for Grillby’s, if you don’t mind. No offense, but NTB really doesn’t sound that great from your description.“

“aw, you’re not going to give me a discount at muffy’s?“ Papyrus cooed, pulling you up to lay you in his lap. “pity. well, guess you’ll be seeing more of sans then.”

“Why?” You shifted, sitting upright in his lap. Man, bones did not feel great on skin. A light orange flush creeped onto his cheekbones as he scratched his jaw. “dunno why, but he struck up a friendship with the nutty coot. sans likes to drop by to play with poker.”

You assumed ‘Poker’ was something other than the cardgame. “And Poker is…?”

“right, his, uh, pet… salamander…” Papyrus’ eyelights darted away from your face.

You squinted at him. “...And? Why do you sound so nervous?”

“poker’s… known to swallow people grillby doesn’t like. he, uh, hasn’t bothered to retrain it yet.”

“Yeesh, and he’s still allowed to run a restaurant?”

“it‘s a bar, actually. directly across from muffy’s, just to spite her. don’t think their rivalry will ever end.”

You stood up, ignoring Papyrus’ grabby hands as you stretched. “Well, the applications aren’t gonna write themselves y’know, so thanks for the favor. I’ll pay you back later.”

“no prob, bob.” He sighed, standing up and making his way towards the door. “guess i gotta go catch my shift at my corncat stand. seeya.”

You padded up the stairs, and started up Sans’ computer. Time to get to work.