You know... about people who want to know what you gonna do when you go to the bathroom.... I have this friend that, everytime I go to the bathroom for whatever reason and lock the door, like clockwork, he starts banging at the door saying:
"Hey, man! Are you taking a dump? You are, aren't you? Remember to wash your hands! Do you have enough toilet paper in there, bro? If not, I want you to know that you are fucked, because I´m not getting more for you! Hey! Are you still shitting?"
Every. Single. Fucking. Time.
And when I open the door to leave, I find the fucker standing in the doorway smilling at me. And I go:
"Look man... I love you like a brother, but everytime you do that, I come up with a different mental plan to make you disappear completely and trust me, no one will ever find you... So, if I hear one more motherfucking knocking on this motherfucking door when I´m motherfucking doing my business, I´ll strangle you with your own damn bowels!"
I´m not making this up... This was actually a real conversation we had some time ago... I never go to the bathroom when visiting him.
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