The serum from the soul bound makes me feel like my insides are being ripped apart.

The first time I did it, I didn’t know what was going on. I went through my day exactly as I had before, wondering if somehow, everything that had happened had been some sort of strange dream.

And then it clicked when I got to the part where I pulled out the vial.

Power over time and space and soul.

I had rewritten an entire day.

The possibilities overwhelmed me, at first. We can break into British strongholds without consequences. I can rewrite tragic battles and strategize all over again to save the lives of my men.

And then I realized that I can kiss Pearce. And I can make him forget all about it if it goes poorly—or even if it goes well. Because I’m not sure I’m ready for something that lasts longer than a day.

So I go through with it, feeling like a bit of an idiot, feeling a little bit like I’m betraying him.

He wakes up after the reset and acts awkward with me—like he has the past two times now. I, on the other hand, have tasted his lips. And nothing can give me more confidence than that.

“Good morning, Lock,” he says quietly when he sees me at his bedside.

“Good morning, Pearce.” I smile broadly.

He blinks. “You seem awfully… chipper.”

“I am.” I stretch. “I am.”

“I’d rather thought… the way we left things last night…” He hesitates.

“I’ve slept since then.” I go over and sit down at his bedside. “And I’ve made a discovery.”

“You have?” He raises an eyebrow.

“I know what the serum does. The serum that they gave me on the island.”

And so I explain to him how resetting the day works, leaving out the part about me having kissed him. How when I drink the serum, the world seems to collapse in on itself, resetting around me, and that I’m the only one who remembers anything from the day before.

“A few of the men thought I was mad, when I was asking around,” I say.

“I’m inclined to think you’re mad, myself.”

“It’s true,” I say, shrugging. “I… should have gotten proof, upon reflection.”

Pearce considers me, licking his lips. “I find I’m inclined to believe you, Captain.”

“And why’s that?”

He cocks his head slightly. “I’m not entirely sure.”

I reach out and hold out a hand to him. He hesitantly takes it, and I bring it to my lips.

“That’s a bit bold of you, Captain,” he breathes.

“I’m feeling bold today.”

His smile is hesitant—but he does smile.

I grip his hand and pull him out of bed.

“Where are we going?”

“To talk. In private.”

“Are we not in private?”

I shrug. “Technically. But this is where people would expect private conversations to happen. I don’t want to take the risk.”

He shakes his head a little. “All right.”

I let him get dressed. Once he’s done, he turns to me with hands behind his back, his uniform crisp and spotless.

It’s incredibly handsome.

I lead him out and head down to the same seashore rock that we were sitting at when I first drank the serum.

“So what is this private conversation we need to have, Lock?”

I pull out a blue bottle of serum.

“This is incredibly dangerous,” I say softly.

“I’ve gathered.”

“And those soul bound will just give it to anyone who comes to their island.”

Pearce’s expression goes distant. “I hadn’t thought of that.”

“If the British get their hands on this, we’re doomed,” I say.

“And if we hold the only supply, we’re practically assured success,” Pearce says quietly.

“I think we need to go back there,” I say. “And this time, bring a company with us. Set up a fort.”

Pearce tents his fingers, staring out at the water in silence.

“Thoughts?” I ask.

“It just… seems wrong to bring the war to that place,” he says.

I feel a pang of guilt.

“I— I know,” I say. “But it’s too dangerous not to.”

“I know.” Pearce hesitates. “Perhaps just the two of us could return. We could attempt to buy their supply, ensure that they only sell to the Continental Army— to our spy ring in the future.”

“Is that enough of a guarantee?” I ask.

“If it turns out not to be, then we can bring in forces.”

I nod slowly. “That sounds fair.”

Pearce goes quiet again. “This is why I didn’t want to be wrapped up in the war again,” he says after a long moment.

“Because of the hard choices?” I ask softly.

He nods silently.

“You’re making them for the good of your country,” I say.

“I don’t hold your same ideals, Lock.” He turns away slightly.

“I think you do,” I say. “You care about freedom. You care about oppression. Otherwise, you wouldn’t care about how we go about securing the serum.”

“I don’t want to be involved in it. I don’t care that much—I only care because you’re forcing me to act on it.”

“Forcing?” I ask.

“I didn’t want to be your spy, in case you forgot,” he snaps.

I pull back.

“You agreed to, though,” I say softly.

“What other choice did I have?”

I bite my lip. “I don’t want you to feel like that,” I say.

Pearce shakes his head. “I— I’m just so tired of bloodshed,” he says quietly. I can see his hands shaking, almost imperceptibly.

“And by being a spy, you’re helping us to win the war faster.” I take his hands.

“At what cost?” He holds my eyes. “What would you do if they resist?”

I feel a knot in my stomach.

But I can’t let the British get their hands on this serum. It’s existence changes everything.

“Whatever I had to,” I say quietly.

“Could you really hold a gun to their heads and pull the trigger?” Pearce murmurs.

I look away. “I’ve done it before.”

He doesn’t speak for a long moment. “So have I. And I never want to again.”

I nod slowly.

“You’re a good man, Pearce,” I say.

“No. I’m a lot of things—good isn’t one of them.”

“And yet you’re the one who wants to protect those innocent— er— people,” I say.

Pearce closes his eyes. “It’s more nuanced than that.”

“Then explain it to me.”

“I would slaughter them.”

I look up at him. “What?”

“If I had to. If it was the only way.” He swallows. “I never want to be given that chance.”

“I don’t understand you,” I say slowly. “You don’t believe in this war—and yet you would kill for it.”

“No,” he whispers. “I just know that— that if I started killing, I wouldn’t be able to stop.”

Bloodlust.

I’ve seen it in my men before. It disgusts me. To see it in Pearce… I taste bile in my mouth at the thought.

He pulls his knees to his chest. “There. You see it now. Why I resist.”

I make a decision, then, seeing him curled up like that, so afraid.

“I’ll never make you kill, Pearce.”

He glances up at me. I can see tears forming in his eyes.

“Never.” I pull him to his feet and into an embrace.

It’s as if something breaks in him. He collapses into my arms, body wracked with sobs.

Who has he killed that makes him so afraid of killing again? I want to ask, but I can’t.

I hold him close, letting him sob on my shoulder. I find myself reveling in his closeness. Which isn’t what I should be thinking about right now—but I can’t help it. He’s close enough that I can breathe in the smell of his hair and his crisp new uniform.

I want to kiss him again, but I’ve wasted enough serum already on that.

Pearce’s sobs eventually subside, but he doesn’t pull away. He just keeps his face buried in my shoulder.

This moment can’t last long enough. I bury my face in his hair and plant a kiss on the top of his head. He lets out a shuddering sigh. I put my fingers in his hair and run them down his back, relishing his closeness.

“I saw your face when I said it,” he whispers.

“I— I know.” But you haven’t seen my face when I’ve kissed you.

“I don’t want you to be scared of me.”

“I’m not.”

“I— I don’t want to be scared of me.”

I want to cup his face in my hands and tell him it will be all right. But instead, I just hold him steady against me.

I don’t know how much time passes before Pearce finally pulls away, eyes red. I pull out my handkerchief and hand it to him. He takes it shakily and wipes his face.

“Thank you,” he whispers hoarsely.

“You’re one of my men,” I say gruffly. We both know what just happened, though, even if Pearce doesn’t remember the kisses. “I’ll watch your back.”

He nods and turns away. I can see him forcefully adjust his posture, standing more confidently, cockily. When he turns back to me, he has that little smile on his lips, as if nothing happened.

“Ready to see if we can find that island again?” I ask.

“I’ll prepare the boat.”

“Excellent. I’ll tell Ferguson.” I start walking back to camp. “And, Pearce?”

He hesitates. “Yes?”

“Keep the handkerchief.”