9PM curfew for students to return to the school on Saturdays. It was a little strict, but honestly, for Em, he was relieved. He may be exempt, but Michael wasn’t. They made it through the gates in time, and chose a more leisurely pace for returning to the dorms. It wasn’t that Em didn’t have fun, he did, but the whole time he couldn’t find that special feeling that would make him want to be more than friends. Michael seemed to have figured it out.

“This is it, right?” He asked while they walked down the lighted path. “We’re not going to be a thing,” the sad look in his eyes wasn’t disguised by the poor lighting.

“I’m sorry,” Em started, self consciously scratching at the back of his neck, “I got the feeling you were interested, and I wanted to be able to answer those feelings honestly.”

“I appreciate the consideration...” Michael left the sentence like there was more to his thought.

“But?” Em asked.

“I dunno. I guess I feel like you could have been more up front about that?” Michael stopped walking to look at Em seriously. “But I get that you’re not ‘out’ and maybe that makes it harder to be completely honest.”

“Well, yeh, it does.” Marceau looked away for a moment, “I tried a date with you because you’re sweet, you’re cute, and you’re a good friend. There isn’t much else to want in a boyfriend, but there’s something missing. Something I feel for someone else. I didn’t really realize it until tonight. I just, I want you to know I came into this honestly hoping to feel it with you.” Em would have continued his nervous rambling, but Michael wrapped him in a hug. He hesitated a moment before hugging back.

Michael pulled away, sliding his hands to Em’s hips, where he stopped and looked up into Em’s eyes. “Thank you for the chance. You’re not going to have any luck with Noa though.”

Em’s eyes went wide and his jaw dropped, a small questioning sound coming from his throat but not actually voiced.

“It’s obvious to everyone but them. I promise not to tell, but you’ve a long road ahead of you. Good luck.” Michael patted Em on the shoulder, and then turned to walk back to his dorm alone.

“But I’m gay…” it came out in a choked whisper to no one at all, but he knew it was an excuse. Although he knew the truth about his attraction, he still wasn’t sure if he was up for the fight to either climb Noa’s walls or dismantle them. Em continued his contemplation as he made his way to NBH to pick up his laundry from Ciel.

Ciel let him into NBH and then dragged him down to the kitchen, where he found Ciel had stockpiled all the clean laundry, none of it folded yet. A sigh escaped him as the siblings dove into folding it together and talking about the evening. Ciel took the time to congratulate their brother on the job, but seriously, they only wanted to know about the date.

Em summed it up, he thought, pretty well, but Ciel pushed for details in a few places. In the end though he had to admit to his sibling that there was definitely someone else he was thinking about, but that he wasn’t sure about making an attempt. Ciel didn’t get a chance to ask for more details, for which Em was grateful. A soft knock came from behind them and they both turned to see Noa watching them from the doorway.

“Hey!” Ciel called out happily and waved to them to come in. As they stepped in, Ciel and Em’s eyes were drawn to the items in Noa’s hands, the calculus book, their notes, and their laptop.

Noa worked really hard to appear nonchalant, “Marceau, I was hoping you could help me? Mr. Perry likes to pull pop-quizzes on Mondays and I’m having some trouble.” They avoided any kind of begging, not even attempting the puppy dog eyes they’d used on Tani earlier, and no lip biting or fidgeting hands. Just calm, asking a classmate for help.

Em fought back his blush as he took in all of Noa. Their bleach blonde hair was in their usual brushed forward floof, but their eye makeup was more than usual, combined with a pink lip tint and the short sleeved t-shirt dress they wore with knee socks, Marceau was almost undone. He took a sip of water before answering, “Uh, yeh, sure.”

Ciel packed up the folded laundry into their baskets and made room for Noa at the table. Em found it easiest to concentrate if he made more eye contact with the calculus than with Noa, but eventually relaxed into the role of tutor, not even noticing that Ciel left the kitchen.

With only one week of notes to go over the study session ended pretty quickly. As Noa packed up their things they looked over at Em, “I uh, I appreciate your help, a lot.” They looked down at their armful of math, “Oh, and your hair, it looks good,” the small smile on their face as they looked up made Em’s heart skip unexpectedly. “Did you go to Kim at the shop?”

“Oh, uh, yeh. I just let him do whatever and it worked out.” Em returned the shy smile. “Uh, about the other day?” Noa raised an eyebrow in confusion. “When you ran into me in the hall?”

Noa’s face paled and they shifted their eyes back to the things they were holding, “I’m sorry. I don’t…” they tried to think of a lie, “I-i just had some things going on.” Noa squared their shoulders again and looked up, their mask of confidence back in place.

Em took a moment to consider their reaction. He wondered if they even remember the things Trevor had said. “Ah, well,” now it was awkward and he almost forgot what he meant to say, “I got in a fight with a senior.” Noa’s eyes widened. “I’m not suspended, but uh, this Wednesday I’ll be joining you on the DI student staff.”

Noa’s eyes narrowed as they pressed their lips into a thin line, “This doesn’t make us friends.” Waving a hand to indicate the tutoring as well as the DI situation.

Em looked wryly to Noa, “I couldn’t answer your anonymous texts, so I’ll say it now, I’m not going to disrespect your boundaries. I didn’t ask to join DI as staff, and if we’re not friends you’re going to have to pay me for tutoring.” He grabbed his laundry basket and walked around Noa to leave the kitchen.

“How much,” Noa asked, turning to watch Em walk away, “for tonight?”

“First one’s free,” he didn’t even look back to reply, just continued on his way, making his escape through the locked doors before Noa could ask again.

Noa leaned against their room door looking out NBH’s doors, staring even after Em had disappeared from their sight. After a minute they turned and opened their door. Dropping their goodies on their desk and then dropping onto their bed with a sigh. Other than finally understanding what was happening in calculus, the only good thing from Noa’s evening was learning that Em was going on dates and had someone to like. They hadn’t heard much of the conversation, their personal hatred for eavesdropping prevented them from purposefully listening in, but they heard enough to feel like a weight was removed.

Noa buried their face in their pillow and screamed. Eventually they rolled over to get air, but their hands were shaking as they clutched them to their chest. Internally they fought against their fear, railing against how it made them push others away. Fighting the anxiety they felt when they thought about Marceau, the fear that he, too, would be disgusted by their genetics, their body. But why does that matter? Why would Em’s feelings on it mean so much?