Ben

Ben puts his pen down. He is happy with his essay. He could probably read it one more time but that’s not happening. Not today anyway. The deal was to do their homework for two hours and, surely, they did that.

“I think I’m done,” he tells Paul. “You?”

“I’ve been reading the same page in a loop for the past fifteen minutes… I don’t think I can stay focused as long as you.”

“I’m sorry for today’s choice of activity…” Ben apologizes.

“Are you kidding? I’m the one who insisted on coming after you told me you had homework to do. Besides, I never finished my homework on a Saturday before. I think my dad might be right… getting a boyfriend is actually going to make me smarter.”

Ben laughs. Paul is ridiculously endearing right now. “Well thank you for putting up with my nerdiness. But let’s do something else. Something ‘boyfriendy’…”

“Benjamin!” Paul exclaims with a fake shocked face. “Your mother is in the house!”

“Very funny. I wasn’t talking about that. Do you want to watch something?”

“Sure.”

“Anything specific?”

Paul shrugs. “Whatever involves you and me cuddling in front of it.” That sounds perfect.

The two boys are lying on Ben’s bed, Paul curled up against his boyfriend. The movie they picked is in Spanish and they can’t really talk as their attention is focused on the subtitles – although Ben prides himself on getting the gist of it without them. His fingers softly draw patterns along Paul’s back.

His boyfriend. Some days, this notion still seems odd to Ben. Like it can’t be his reality. He remembers wanting Paul so much that it created this knot in his stomach and being so sure that he couldn’t have him. And now… the boy is there, mindlessly rubbing his thumb on Ben’s stomach, the two of them getting more serious every day… Ben can honestly say that he is happy.

He was afraid that the connection they shared before dating was an illusion or wishful thinking, but it’s still there. It never faded away. Talking to Paul is always so easy. The little and the big stuff alike. Paul doesn’t feel like a random boyfriend you get because he is the first choice available like Ben’s mother feared. He feels like the right choice. The one some people spend a lifetime looking for.

Then again… Ben probably just feels like that because Paul is his first boyfriend.

“Ben, could you come here a moment?” his mother calls out from the living room.

Paul moves away from him and Ben leaves the bedroom. She is putting some files in her briefcase. “Ben, the hospital just called, I have to go. I should be back for dinner but that will probably be pretty late, is that alright?”

“If I say ‘no’, are you going to let people die?” She shoots him a look and Ben’s sassiness instantly melts. “Yes, it’s fine.” Then he realizes why she asked him to come here rather than just coming to the room to tell him. “You want Paul to go, don’t you?”

“No, I actually don’t. You are both seventeen and I would like to think that you are both trustworthy enough to be left unattended for a couple of hours. But he needs to be home at the time agreed with his parents. Until I meet them and we discuss common ground rules, he isn’t invited to dinner last minute, he isn’t here if his parents do not know about it, and no sleepovers. Okay?”

Ben is a bit surprised but he is not about to complain. “Yes, sure, absolutely.”

“You don’t need to agree thrice. Alright, I have to go. See you tonight.”

And off she goes.

When Ben comes back to his bedroom, Paul is lying on his back, looking at his phone. He looks so handsome. He is wearing a shirt and Ben wondered if it’s because he called him hot the other day. He hopes it is. It is incredible to know that someone is trying to impress you, to look nice for you… and Paul does look nice.

Ben gently takes the phone from his boyfriend’s hand, puts it aside, hovers over him, and lands a soft kiss on his lips. Paul instantly smiles and his iron eyes turn into silver. Ben leans back in and their kiss moves from sweet to sensual.

“Babe, what are you doing?” The pet name now made his way into Paul’s vocabulary. It was a joke at first but it stuck, somehow. Ben doesn’t mind. It’s growing on him. He likes the fact that if anyone else called him that, Max included, it would make him cringe so hard, but from Paul, it sounds different. Like he is telling him that he belongs to him.

He also likes the realization itself. That some things he wouldn’t like from anyone else are more than acceptable coming from Paul. ‘Benjamin’. ‘Babe’. None of these names sound out of place when they come with Paul’s voice. Even though he’d still rather not be called by his full first name. It always sounds odd to him and for some reason, he doesn’t recognize himself in it.

“I’m kissing my boyfriend.”

“What about your mom?”

“She just left.”

Paul looks pleasantly surprised. “So… just you and me?”

“Just you and me!”

“And she’s fine with that?”

“Look… are you sure you want to keep talking about my mom?” Paul silently shakes his head. “Then do you want to watch the rest of the movie?” Ben asks, realizing that Paul might not be in the same mindset as him right now.

“No, I’m good,” he replies and a mischievous spark lights in his eyes. “We both know the sister did it.”

Ben absolutely doesn’t think that the sister did it but Paul just pulled him back in and he has better things to do with his lips than talk right now.

Ben is half lying on Paul. He lets his lips discover the other boy’s neck, and Paul’s breath fastens. The more irregular Paul’s breathing gets, the more Ben wants to kiss him.

Ben’s hands slide under Paul’s shirt and Paul doesn’t pull back like the last time they were alone. On the contrary, his breathing gets louder. His skin is warm and soft. Ben can feel himself getting worked up, and he tightens his grip on Paul’s hips. He’s been hard before when they kissed, but he had never been so aware of it. Paul moans in response and Ben feels his entire body get hotter. Paul’s mouth starts wandering in Ben’s neck, and he is not able to think anymore. He is the one moaning now, and probably louder. If his brain was working, he would probably be embarrassed, but he is living the moment, not thinking it. It is quite unusual for him to be letting go, and it feels incredible.

Ben kneels up and starts slowly unbuttoning Paul’s shirt. During the entire process, he locks eye contact with Paul, looking for any trace that it might not be what he wants. But Paul lets him do it, looking flushed, swollen lips and messy hair. He’s never been this beautiful. When the last button goes, Paul sits up and gets rid of the shirt. Ben takes a moment to take the sight in. He has spent a lot of time thinking about what Paul, would look like half-naked. More than he would care to admit. But no fantasy could compare with the reality of the moment.

“You’re so beautiful…” Ben says. His palms land on Paul’s throat and slide down to his belly button, then up again until he cups his face and pulls him up for a kiss. There is a need and a fire between them that wasn’t there the last time they were here together like this.

Paul’s hands start pulling at Ben’s t-shirt and Ben hastily takes it off before diving back into the kissing. Feeling Paul’s skin against his is the most intoxicating thing Ben ever experienced. They are hugging and caressing as much as kissing. They keep alternating between sweet and hot, between affectionate and sensual.

It doesn’t turn into anything more. None of them is ready and their relationship isn’t there yet. They don’t even explore further south. But sometimes when they move, or when Paul is on top of him, Ben can feel how hard he is too. Ben feels proud, happy, and maybe somewhat terrified.

Paul leaves just on time to be home before dinner, and Ben’s mother is still not home. He is in his bed, lips still swollen from all the kissing, his mind unable to stop thinking about Paul, still wrapped in the moment they just shared. His body is still electrified from Paul’s touch. He closes his eyes and lets his hand wander with his mind, pushing things further than they’ve gone today. Maybe he shouldn’t, maybe it’s a bit of a gray area, but Ben can’t stop touching himself. Part of him hopes that Paul will do the same thing when he is alone. That what happened today got him so worked up that this will be what triggers his next… self-gratification.

Paul is at the front of his mind the entire time. His face, his body, his breath, his moans, all his noises really, the lump he could feel in the other boy’s jeans, his mouth on Ben… Until, finally, it is too much to handle and Ben gets the sweet release he needed, leaving him panting and content.