Glancing at him, I felt shortly on a memory lane. In the last years I walked with my head in the ground. At school, on the street, I never look in people's eyes; I was afraid of seeing my own reflection in their eyes, my fears, the ugliness of my body and my insides that it was filled with wrath and despair.

I wanted to find a spark which would make me hope for a brighter future, but my whole inner being flickered like a candle light, in the breeze of a cold fall night, while I watched toward the starless sky.

But I saw no hope anymore for me. It was only an eerie feeling of emptiness shattering everything before my eyes letting behind the real me, and invisible scrawled letters in my heart.

I'll never say to anyone, each time I opened Leiv diary, wishing with all my heart to let my legacy in it as well and isolating me from this world, always to be alone, creating my own sanctuary, which at that point seemed to be beyond my reach.

I sought and pulled myself from my thoughts, while the car slowed down in front of Tyler's house. Theodore had a sad look but was also nostalgic in his eyes while he leaned with the head from the steering wheel.

He was breathing deep trying to pull himself together. Behind Christopher doze off slowly, falling in a soft nap, after what few minutes ago he was pouting that had not taken his slippers.

Turning toward him and looking at his fragile mind state and body maybe wasn't the brightest idea to take him along, but I knew and Theo as well, if we would have let him behind he could have another seizure or hurt himself.

He had been oddly calm all day since that breakdown when he ran from school. Besides a few sobs he didn't let his emotion out much.

It would be hard for him to come face to face with the fucker, but he won't be alone.

"Ready?" I asked Theo now, watching at him, while deep inside I was still shaken. He nodded, but staring at him he really looked drained, but still fighting to have his life back.

"Ready!" He said trying to look lively. He took out the key from the ignition and slowly shooks Christ to awake. He woke up startled letting out a soft yell and looking confused for a moment.

"Are you okay baby boy?" Theodore asked him with a frown, looking concerned.

"This fabulous kid is ready to party!" Chris shouted, while putting on his shades making both of us staring at him perplexed, while the thunders were banging loud like a cannon.

"Why do you have the shades on?" I asked, while looking around.

"They make me look pretty cool and mysterious." He said, while stuffed the beanie again and held his backpack.

I let my head back and only let out a single sound, "oh" I knew why he put them. Too hide his red eyes from tears. He hides under them, feeling protected.

He smiled widely while struggling at the same time to open the door.

"Nervous?"

"No... this hot kitty can handle this demonic door." He said with a pout which made him look adorable.

How can someone hate this kid?

Theodore cleared his throat watching at me amused, while I had a small smile blossomed on my face.

"Indeed how can anyone!" Theodore whispered, while taking out his tongue at me, smiling and shaking his head. I felt my face burning, while returning normal on my seat. I slapped myself mentally. Can't believe I said it loudly.

I was a hypocrite at that moment. I know it. I asked a question when I did the same. I had a grudge on Chris since my mind cleared out and asked Theodore about the bracelet I gave to him. I scattered my thoughts and proceeded to go out from the car.

The moment I opened my door before my eyes I saw someone that I didn't expect. It was James, who was holding in his hand a bag, walking toward Tyler's house, with no care in the world, like what they did today was nothing; they crushed a kid, cornering him.

He trusted James the most. I turned to him and Chris seemed to not notice James yet. I poked Theodore and made a sign with my head to look ahead.

"I'll go ahead with Chris and you come along with him."

I nodded and rushed out from the car taking James by surprise when I suddenly appeared in front of him. He let out a pitchy sound and nearly dropped the bag down. I gripped him from his arm and glared at him.

"What the fuck you're doing here?" I asked him in a low voice, with an intimidating vibe.

He stares at me, while his raincoat hood falls down, pulled away by a gust of wind, revealing his red dyed hair.

"Mr. Muller! I...came ..."

He stammered not knowing what to say. James, he was not like Anthony or the other two kids, strong, unafraid to talk back rudely, but what did today was something unexpected.

I pulled him, as we walked straight toward the porch. There Theo and Chris arrived already. The door opened and a slap echoed through.

"Theodore..."

I heard Anthony say and I could see his mischievous smile. A second slap came fast, making me jump of joy inside, but as well winched. Christopher was white like a sheet by now and flipped out. I let my body be his support.

"I think you both made enough damage," I said, while I let go of James and placed my arm across his shoulder. He was breathing hard and trembling, with his head bent down.

James nodded toward Anthony before storming away. A thing which I didn't like in any way. Something was fishy there.

"Who is at the door?" I heard Tyler’s matted voice.

It was clearly boozy slightly. Theodore for a second tensed then pushed Anthony away from his way and I walked behind holding the kid near me while glance at him.

"Did the little slut cry his eyes out to you both?" He said with a defying tone and mocking while with an annoyance sighted. "Guess precious Sky will be any minute as well and please do intrude." He continued while rubbing his jaw.

Already had a split lip and new bruises from Sky and Rick, the kid soon will look like a rainbow with cold colors if he continued like that. I snickered, a thing noticed by Chris which was livid in my embrace.

I felt if I would have let him go he would lash out at Anthony. I'll do that.

The moment Tyler's eye landed on a pissed off Theodore I could see how fast he became paled, like he became a phantom. He started to stutter while his jaw was trembling. He looked broken up and it was clearly how much weight he lost in the last month, since he had been apart from Theodore and Brian.

Theo stormed toward him and slapped him hard.

"You fucking jerk!" Theo snapped from his tranquil state, hitting Tyler chest with all his power with his fists. "I hate you so much for leaving me all alone, when I needed you the most." He broke out in a cry but affected Tyler as well which was unable to hold as well his tears.

Shaking he held Theodore wrists pulling him toward his chest in an embrace, both falling on a step ladder. Theo sank his face into the crock of Tyler's neck, sobbing hard.

My chest tightened only watching them how both ravaged looked.

"I forgave all you said to me because I love you. You've been a jerk but this is the last time I'll let off my guard and take you back." Theo said between hiccups. In Ty’s arms, he looked frail, making me remember how many times in the past he was on the verge of crumble, but he always stood up, stronger.

I felt my tears burning deep in my throat, while trying to hold them. I noticed the staring battles between the two teens from the room and felt I'm between a fight with daggers.

With the corner of my eye I could see Tyler's lips twitching and in that moment I knew everything will be fine between them. They have been through a lot and they always found a way to shatter the darkness.

"We need to talk!" Tyler said, while tiredly leaning his head from the wall." I..." Theo stopped him by sealing his mouth with his fingers, grazing his lips.

"Not here," He replied, while he wiped his tears with his sleeves. "I have to tell you something, maybe now you'll see Chris with other eyes as well." I looked curious at Theo. He acted odd at the "shelter" where Chris lived when he came out.

Seeing the scene before me suddenly I felt powerless making me think what if I would have come first to them. They would have been happy, without any worries, maybe Ty might have kicked me out, but a happy family with their three children in the end.

I snapped out fast from my thoughts when I felt Chris' body tottering. I sat him down and stared at him. If they would be happy this kid perhaps today was dead, or worse, might have had my life of inferno while living with Patrick.

On his body were scars which told me clearly, he knew what hell was for a young age.

"Let's go upstairs." I heard Ty’s voice piercing through my deep thoughts.

"Luca will come as well," My head snapped toward them. I saw Tyler's shoulders tensing while he could barely stand up. Theodore let go of him. Ty forced a smile, while he felt the warmth of his husband being replaced by the cold of the house.

Theodore wasn't feeling safe to be yet alone with Tyler. He was hurt to bad and just a talk won't fix anything. Theo looked shyly at Ty, while he fidgets with his sleeves.

I silently watch them how shy they both approach each other.

"What about these two morons?" I asked suddenly, making a sign toward Chris and Anthony. The kid was white like a sheet but looking oddly calmer now like he was in a trance which for me looked pretty dangerous to let them alone.

"I'm off away from the slut!" Anthony opened his mouth with a smug face, while walking toward the kitchen.

"Don't you dare you little shit talk about Chris, like you know him, trust me. You have no idea anything about him!" Theo snarled toward Anthony while he shrugs, stopping in front of the kitchen entry.

"I know he is one crazy fucker," He said, while showing the middle finger to all.

I heard a gasp from Ty, while he held tight Theo wrist.

"I will talk with him."

"You had time to talk with that kid, Tyler," I muttered between my teeth. Tyler's expression softens trying to fight an excuse for his brother's behavior.

"You know of what he has witnessed, can change anyone," He let me know, looking at Theodore while slowly releasing him.

"We all had been through hell but that doesn't make any of us act like him or judge someone, and stabbing people from behind like he has any right."

Sky voice echoed through the living room, while he shook his head to let the water fall on the floor from his hair. Seeing him suddenly my heart slowly started to throb. I averted my gaze from him, feeling my cheeks burning.

Why does my chest hurt so bad only remembering our quick kiss or just feeling his presence today near me?... It scared me that my numbness dispelled, letting me exposed for more pain.

I could only hear my name, while I nodded, running away from Sky cowardly.