Shaking I let go of Chris' hand and stood up from the bed, motioning to Theodore to follow me. He nodded, while placing the plate with a sandwich he had in his hand near the bed, on a small brown board, like the one was near the door.

Theo looked confused, but as well worried, while I felt like all my air from my lungs was forcefully taken out, letting me choke.

"I need to tell you something," I mumbled powerless, while feeling all of a sudden dizzy and nauseated.

Glancing at Theo I noticed his face changed in a deep worry, while he was following me. I always made him worry; I should be the one to lend him my strength...

I shook my head dissipating my thoughts. Wasn't the time to chicken out, was now or never.

"What you want to tell me, Luca?"

Hearing my name made me cringe. I hated it, but I could not tell him to not call me like that. At that point I was shaking like a leaf, while wrapped my arms around my torso, staring outside, at the sky, while faintly the room was illuminated by the lightning's, making my entire body shudder in fear.

"Well..." I trailed off and turned to him feeling scared and ashamed of what I was about to say. Was a secret I kept for years but felt drained, while I was consumed each time of the day by the phantoms of my past, my fears?" It is about my past." I continued shuttering.

Theo's eyes widened and he only said "oh" at first, then he smiled gently. "I know everything!" Theo said, taking me by surprise. "I didn't want to push you until we weren't ready, baby boy." He continued, while he slowly walked toward me, which in that moment I was petrified.

"What do you mean?" I asked, unable to process what he was saying. I felt the sweat coming in waves over my body and black spots before my eyes, but stood still, feeling my hands getting cold.

"Talk Luca, release yourself and stop carrying that burden all by yourself." I heard Theodore while he wrapped his arms around me, caressing my back. "I'm here and I'll always be. If it wasn't for your stubbornness back then, maybe today I wouldn't have been the man I'm or worse dead, without knowing I had people who loved me and wanted me to be part of their life."

"I'm not worthy of your love and care, Theo," I replied between sobs, while gripping his shirt, kneeling.

"What makes you think that?" He asked, while he swept my bangs away.

"I'm dirty and broken." It was the only thing I could say, while unable to stop crying I felt a lump in my throat stopping me to articulate any word. I felt Theo body shaking in my embrace. He was crying. I made him sad again. "You don't know... I... did stuff I'm ashamed..." I stopped, while I looked down into the floor, too scared to watch into his eyes." I was afraid of him and..."

"Patrick Tate!" Theo suddenly said and I froze. "I know what he did to you, Luca..." He said, while his tone became cold, unusual for Theodore. He continued stroking my back, while feeling drops of tears on my shoulder. "You trusted him and he broke you down, worse than I even been, it wasn't your fault and never feel shame."

He firm his grip around me and placed a lingering peck on my temple. I raised my head and stared in his eyes, were red and filled with tears. How much can he hold? He took me in and cared like I was his own child, he lost Tyler and nearly had a breakdown by drinking again, but here he was, holding me, consoling me.

Theodore should just take his arms around me and let me fall.

"Shhh! I'll never let you harm yourself again." Hearing this, a small whimper escaped my lips. It was like he could see clearly through me. "You stopped me from drinking again..." He trailed off, letting me to say it, since when I started to cut and burn myself.

My thighs and hips were full with scars, my arms, my legs, my back, my heart and mind. A continuous pain lingered each day ready to erupt. I could see that in Theodore's eyes as well, each time he stared blankly at his bedroom and the photos around from his house.

My scars were old ones made by him, by me, always hating the crimson color which streamed alongside with the steamy water from the shower, a place I let all my fear take over me.

"Don't know what you say there..." I stammered, while my lips twitched deceitfully. I could see he didn't believe what I tried to show him but didn't know why and when my mouth opened and I spilled everything.

My first cut when he was in the hospital and I was found by Tyler, the burns and cuts Patrick gave me for disobeying his words...

I stared into Theodore’s eyes to see his emotional changing, but nothing flashed; to feel sick of me, when I arrived at the part that everything made me sick, the beats, the rapes and me letting my body to be soiled, while each night I was paid like a whore.

I became Patrick whore, too afraid of him. I did everything he told. I let myself get humiliated.

At that moment all my body was shaking and I gripped harder from his shoulders.

"I thought he loved me. He was kind and took me in when I was straying after my own parents kicked me out, and then he changed..."

"With only one dollar he is yours for the night." His voice echoed in my mind and before me I could only see his sly grin. I only could stare at him perplexed. That night I lost my innocence I hold for the one I loved to give.

Tightening my eyes I scattered my image from my mind. My breath was jolted, my mind was in chaos. I could not say that he was Eugene's cousin, that he might have lost Brian because of me... I always knew that, he must have been them, taking revenge. Theodore would have never harmed someone, especially his son, but I could have. The moment I pushed the kid, by mistake, scared after a drunk night while my nightmares came to life.

I did it for Theodore to be safe and a punishment for all I did to him. I accepted all the pain that man gave it to me. Karma, I told myself.

It was a secret I could not say to Theodore. I was suddenly afraid to be all alone again. In that moment I realized something, Theodore knew parts, but not all, he intuited some things and made me talk. Smart move!

"I'm sorry..." He could only say while he was crying on my shoulder. "You're not dirty... You're the little brother I never had; you're the sarcastic ball that made me let my walls down when you came back in my life..."

"I'm shattered Theodore..." I cut him off, hearing his muffled sobbing. "That Luca you know has died, and now is just this piece of shit that is afraid to love, who can't go out from his house without looking back with each step."

I shouted how hard I could in his shoulder.

"I know... but still know that deep inside you he is still alive and someday will come to surface, and we will be near you until that day."

I nodded.

I wanted to be brave for him, but I knew I couldn't. I couldn’t love anymore; I have no beating heart inside me anymore. I let go of Theodore and everything started to spin around while I tried to stand up. I was sweating heavily; my voice was ragged, scared and terrified of everything.

I felt fear rippling through me and pushed Theo ready to run.

The moment I tried to bail everything, I was stopped.

"Don't run Luca, I did and I nearly killed myself."

I turned, feeling my heartbeat going faster. I could only hear a ring in my head and Theodore's voice, pleading me to stay. I nodded and like on auto pilot I walked toward a sofa and sat down, staring at the window, submissive to his command.

Like did each time Patrick was shouting at me.

It was a mistake; I should have kept my mouth shut.

"I... Are you not feeling sick looking at me?" I blurted all of a sudden, while all my body tensed.

I felt my face heating up; when on the corner of my eyes I saw Christopher, holding his hands to his mouth, suppressing his sniffing and sob.

Theodore's head snapped toward where I was staring now and let a gasp then sighted.

"No, and never been silly." He said, while making a sign to Chris to come.

"I didn't mean to ..." He trailed off while fidgeting. His eyes were puffy, but he didn't look in my eyes or at me. I felt my heart dropping deep in my stomach.

He was disgusted by me.

Our little conversation came in my mind. Hearing the truth about how dirty I was he would stay away. I bit my cheek trying to hold my tears. I was a fool telling everything, I should have kept my mouth shut.

"How much you heard, Sebby?" Theodore asked, while Chris' face softened and looked straight in my eyes.

"All!" He only said and let off the blanket he had on his shoulder to fall on the floor and took me by surprise. He rushed toward me and wrapped his arms around me, sinking his head in my shoulder. "This kitty will make you feel warm and fuzzy inside." He said making me chuckle and Theo smile.

Trembling, I gripped Chris' thin frame, while he sat in my lap, trying to let me know he will be there for me.

"I'm fine, midget." I told him.

Chris giggled, while gazing in my eyes, still having a feverish look.

"Why you're not in bed, baby boy?" Theodore interrupted our little moment of awkwardly staring, while slipped down on the sofa, pulling Sebby between us.

"I wasn't really sleeping and smelled, and this little kitty tummy was hungry." Chris said, rubbing his abdomen. He turned toward me and lifted his little finger. Theodore chuckled, while I stared with an eyebrow up. "I swear I won't say anything I heard." But the last part made me frown and Theo's fragile smile faded. "I'll probably forget like usual, anyway.".

Chris shrugged, while practically becoming one with the sofa.

"How did you know about him?" I asked Theodore.

"Through Eziel, but seems aren't much information about the guy." He said while I nodded.

I was relieved he didn't know all. He told me the day he beat me up until nearly killing me when I ran that was my punishment for what Eugene was through.

That bastard had it easy for everything he did. Destroying Theodore, driving him to wish he would be better dead. I'm glad what Nathan did to him, he deserved it worse. I could feel my lips twitch only at the thought of what happened in that bathroom, ten years ago.

"You're looking creepy uncle Mick." I heard Chris' voice making me snap from my thoughts. I let out a smirk, while Chris stared at me, having his usual curious look in his eyes, but as well feeling completely lost.

"I'm fine now..." I only said, while turning my head toward Theodore who seemed lost in thoughts. He looked at the midget between us, but he was away. Chris reminded me a lot of Theodore, when he was younger. The single difference was that he was too shy. The latter is one a clingy kid with a big mouth.

I snickered softly.

"You're not fine Luca, but with baby steps, you'll be." He all of a sudden said making me flinch a bit. "Sky will help you as well." Hearing his name I frowned.

That dude was pretty scary. Only thinking what he did to me in the bathroom made me shiver but as well, upon my lips, his scent, his lips were still lingering, making me skip a beat for a second.

He played a dangerous game with me, today after so many years he let me breathless, piercing my numbness. It was scary and I felt dirtier than ever. None should soil their lips on me.

"He is creepy," I muttered, but I was heard when Theodore let a soft giggle.

"Maybe, but he knows what he's doing...he needs to as well..." Theodore stopped and stood up letting his thoughts linger in the air. Wiping his wet face from the tears he sheared hearing my story he started to move. "I'll make tea and wait for Sky to arrive."

Seeing him walk toward the hall, while Chris head was on my shoulder now, looking fragile , playing with the hem of his t-shirt and mumbling things, due his fever who slightly went up again with a wheezing voice, I decided to tell about Tyler as well, I knew he needed him more than anything and even if he was a jerk, Tyler needed Theo back in his life again.

I could feel the tension in the air after I said a part of the truth. I put my arm across Sebby shoulder, caressing his arm, breathing deep knowing Sky will probably kick my ass because I spilled it, but it was the time. Theodore was not weak, he could handle knowing about Tyler.

"I...need to tell you something else as well," I opened my mouth afraid of his reaction. Theo turned and looked at me puzzled.

"About what? I'm here to listen to anything... " He titled his head curious.

"Tyler..."

Hearing his husband's name, Theodore's face palled instantly. He might hate me for keeping this, but he must know that Tyler's condition was appalling. With the last drop of courage I had in me I opened my mouth and told him, while my heart raced ...