Gazing at an old photo only made me laugh now. I had been deceived by the one I looked up the most. I had heritaged, my father's temper and his black jet eyes alongside his face features. The only thing I got from my mother was my black olive hair. My mother was right. I was like him.

"I hate them all. Alone I'm better than being once again abandoned by a so called - family."

Each day I woke up with this thought and fell asleep. They left and let me behind without looking back. They all hated me, I was a burden each time my so called father was dragging me to their house, to spend time with my mother and my step brothers.

Each of them had their life. Sometimes I couldn't even remember their faces or their voice, but I could remember my mother's hateful glare.

A snort escaped my lips only thinking the last day I saw them. I called her names. Don't know why, maybe I wanted her attention, to see I was as well a child who she gave birth, like the rest of them.

I snap from my thoughts the moment I heard someone clearing his throat behind me and I turned.

"What the fuck you want, stupid," I snarled at Jaxon.

He just raised an eyebrow and let out a sight.

"Nice welcome, little cousin!"

While scoffing he stroked my short hair making me brush his hand away. He looked at me with an idiot smile on his face while putting his hands in his black pants pockets and leans from the kitchen counter.

"Fuck off!" I yelled at him, but he didn’t move or flinched at my words.

"You're such a cute bubble with a potty mouth, Joseph." He said snickering.

I stared at him with my mouth nearly open. What the fuck was he's problem and why we were here, in this old house, staring at old photos with my brothers, in which I did not show in any.

"What we're doing here, Jaxon?" I asked him, while unzipping my jacket and I threw it on the dusty table. "You have been gone for years and suddenly appear..." I trailed off unable to watch him.

I felt like fumigating only seeing his fucked up face. He looks so similar to Alexandre.

"A surprise..." He was only saying, while he started to hum.

Between us silence settled in while I walked toward the window and pushed away the curtain, making me cough a bit when I inhaled some dust powder.

"What surprise?" I asked him while watching how the rain poured down the driveway.

"Will not be a surprise if I tell you." Jaxon told me, while continued with his stupid humming.

I felt anger boiling in me, craving to come out in a shout, but I swallowed it all, keeping in me, while clenching my jaw.

"Want to see a movie or something?" He asked, while scrolling his phone.

"No!" I shouted annoyed. "I want to go to my place..."

"Soon, but first let's enjoy some family time quality."

"What family?" I asked, while feeling my stomach stinging me slightly. I let out a grimace while sitting down. Don't know how much it has been since I ate something, besides the few bites from the cold pizza Anthony gave today. Two or three days, perhaps, that was the last time my fucking father came out from his favorite bar with a hoe at his arm.

I stared blankly at the table. When I was younger I was never full because there were many to feed, but was warm and mostly we ate at the same table, then all became empty and cold.

Were days I ran from my father and waited on the porch with the hours that someone would show up, until a day I understood, they left me behind, even Jaxon, who never cared about me. I was the son of a lousy man.

I hated them all. I drained my tears a long time ago when the hatred wrapped around my heart, like a tattoo, reminding me that I was unwanted and someone which could have been easily dead... I shook my head, snapping out from my thoughts.

That house brought me old memories that I blocked years ago.

"I see you daydreamed there a bit." Jaxon said chuckling, while I hissed at him.

He started to walk back and forth, making me feel uneasy and dizzy. He looked relaxed but on his face I could read as well something that could not explain – a deep worry.

"What is with that constipated face, dear cousin," I said smirking.

He took a deep breath and looked at me, smiling.

"I was thinking about someone I haven't seen for years.” Jaxon replied back to me, while sitting down in front of me, playing with his phone. "He might not react well at something soon..."

"Who?" I asked.

"It is not your concern young man." I scoffed hearing that and crossed my arms at my chest, while letting all my weight on the seatback. "You have other issues to worry about, like what stunts you pull for example at school." He looked into my eyes and I felt like spitting him directly in his face. "What you try to demonstrate, that you're..."

"It is not your concern what I do." I cut him off feeling annoyed by his fake concern. Who is he to talk to me like that? "That fag deserves everything and more." I lashed at him, hitting the table hard with my hand, while pain shot through my arm, but I did not show it.

"Watch your mouth Joseph Darius!"

Suddenly someone yelled and my head snapped toward the entry. I felt a knob in my throat, while my voice snagged. From outside joyful voices were heard. I snapped from my initial shock and frowned.

"Or what you'll do big brother?" I asked, as my jaw was clenched so hard that I felt like anytime it would break. I stared at the man before my eyes, perplexed, while my heart was slamming in my chest, but could feel a twitch forming on the corner of my lips.

He changed drastically. His body had a nice build and his hair color, from black like mine now was a light brown, while his bangs fell softly above his eyes.

"Daddy!" Suddenly two small arms were wrapped around his waist and shyly she looked at me with her big blue eyes. "Who is he?" She pointed to me.

"Your uncle..."

"I have another uncle?" She said surprised. At that moment I felt like the last human possible. She didn't even know that her father had another brother. After that I just stared at how all one after one entered the house, hugging Jaxon, but I was left aside, like I was in a shade. My heart ached but kept quiet, for the first time I was unable to articulate any word.

The pain rippled through me while everything seemed frozen.

After a few moments I snorted and stood up.

"For this shit I was dragged here?"

I erupted in a shout and all eyes went on me while shaking I was trying to put my jacket on me, while I looked at all. Happy like nothing happened. All coming back carefree playing family the moment they enter through the door.

"JD!" Jaxon pulled me from my neck. "Behave kid, you have enough issues, don't cause a scene."

"I guess the brat still has the attitude even now." My mother's voice pierces the awkward silence that felt upon us. I stared at her and I must admit she looked beautiful.

"It is nothing new, like father, like son." I heard Mike voice behind her which came in, with two luggage's...

"No wonder he is still in high school at nineteen..." My mother continued looking disappointed.

"And why the fuck you all care..." I yelled at all only that Jaxon hand to grip harder from my neck. "You took your fucking things and over night you all were gone."

"So... " I could feel the harshness in Mike's tone, he never liked me. I still remember his pushes and slap over my head. The only one who accepted me around him was Alex.

"Let me go you fucker..." I pushed Jaxon away and rushed toward the door, but I was stopped. I rolled my eyes. I wanted to get out of the house, to be away from them.

I have been alone for so many years, I got used to it and they suddenly appeared like nothing happened? They shattered me since I was a young boy, they do not have a single right to hold me now. They didn't even bother to tell their kids about me.

"Let go of me Alex, I beg you..." Faintly I whispered, while staring into his light blue eyes. "I bet you all didn't expect to be here, don't you?" He let go of my arm without saying anything. I could read it all over his face. Why did Jaxon bring me here, to laugh in my face? To see how happy and well all ended up?

"Joseph..." He didn't finish. The little girl held his hand and stared at me scared.

I shook my head and let out a frail chuckle. It was clearly nobody wanted me here. I turned around and walked outside in the pouring rain, slamming the door.

I waited for someone to come and tell me they missed me, but nobody came out. Once again they left me alone, waiting...

Slowly, I started to walk to my empty house, where nobody will await for me, while in me, a mix of emotions took over me, stirring me.

All I wanted was to scream and hit something... or someone until all my anger would quench. They made me like this, cutting a bright life I could have from the root, only because I was that man's son, a mistake my mother made in one night.

I was unwanted.

Didn’t know how much I strayed on the streets, but after a while before my eyes, my crumbled shelter appeared. Inside was a dim light and knew my father showed up home. I shrugged and entered the tiny hall.

The first thing I heard were the heavy moans and gasps. I knew at that moment he was on top of a stranger woman he picked up in a bar. It was nothing new.

Before my eyes bend over the table I fucking ate were two women while from behind them two guys, bagging them. My father was watching and smirking. My eyes landed on the guy he was near and a grimace came on my face, while shivers passed through my spine, trying to block an old image.

My body slightly trembled, from the wet cloths and the image before my eyes. I avert my gaze, ashamed and feeling terrified, all of a sudden.

"Want to join?" He asked, while he grazed the younger guy buttocks, making him slip a light moan. I stare cold at my father then turn.

"I'll pass..." It was the single thing I could say before running to my room, panting heavy and with my shaking hands locking it. I took off my clothes, letting them on the floor falling on my back on the bed, tired.

Before my eyes flashed their smile and I grip the worn out sheets.

"I hate you all..."

I started to shout, but I know like always, nobody would hear me, not even my own father.

Why are they back now? I was fine being alone...

Shaking and feeling sick from my stomach I stood up and opened the small drawer near my bed. In it was a bottle of sleeping pills. I took out the lid and took one small white pill that was round and swallowed it, then a second.

Without them I could not sleep. Each night for years I took...

I might have become dependent on them, but didn't care. From the drawer as well took a bottle of alcohol, stolen from my dearest father, holding the second pill, I washed it through my throat with the liquid, feeling my neck burning.

I could feel the cold from my room embracing me, but liked the sensation that lingered upon my bare skin, while stayed straddled with my hands over my head, staring at the ceiling, while feeling how slowly I was drifting into nothingness accompanied the sound of the pelting rain on the roof.

My eyes become heavy and I let out a smile, I was free from reality.