Paul

Paul hates sport. Paul hates sweating. Paul hates being outdoors if it doesn’t have a purpose.

But Paul really, really, enjoys spending time with Ben.

Which is the only reason why he agreed to spend his Sunday afternoon playing basketball.

When Paul gets downstairs for lunch, he is wearing a tracksuit. His entire family stops and stares at him.

“Paul… what are you wearing?” Sophie asks.

“I’m going to the park with Ben after lunch.”

“And the plan is to keep your boyfriend?” his dad asks. “With your amazing sense of style?”

“Very funny, Dad. And yes, the point is to keep my boyfriend. We’re going to play basketball.”

Paul’s mother and sister’s eyes grow wide and his dad is so obviously trying not to laugh. Paul snorts and focuses on his plate.

“So your plan is to keep your boyfriend by showing off your sporting skills,” his dad sums up.

“Shouldn’t you be happy that I’m getting an interest in sports?”

“Well, I would be happy if I could come and watch.”

“Neil, leave him alone. I think it’s fantastic that you are taking an interest in Ben’s hobbies, Honey.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

“Still… Sport… I didn’t know you liked Ben that much,” Sophie comments.

“Shut up, Sophie.”

“Language!”

Just before two p.m., Paul hears the doorbell. He knows it’s Ben coming to pick him up, and his heart starts beating a little bit faster. He takes a second to enjoy it. He doesn’t know how long his body will react to Ben that way. How long he will feel like he ignites when Ben looks at him, or catch his breath when he receives a text that might be from Ben. Hopefully forever. But just in case, he is enjoying the feeling whilst it’s there.

Paul rushes downstairs and gets out of the house even before his parents could dream of meeting the boyfriend. It’s way too soon, not a chance.

“Hey,” Ben says when he sees him and Paul gets instantly nervous. Are they supposed to kiss? Anything else would feel weird, but maybe it’s too forward.

Ben seems awkward too and when he lands a kiss on Paul’s lips, it almost feels forced. Paul decides not to read anything in it. The two of them are still figuring each other out, they are still very new to the whole dating thing, and Paul will not let a messy kiss get in his head. “Should we go?” he asks.

Ben smiles softly and nods. “Sure.”

“I think it’s the first time I see you wearing anything like this,” Ben tells Paul as they are waiting at a red light. “You look so different.”

“Yeah, I know. My dad and my sister already made fun of me…”

“Fun of you? Why?”

“I’m not really the sporty kind. They just joked about you dumping me and… I don’t know. I know it was just teasing, but it sort of felt true as well.”

And just like that, Paul phrased it. That one fear he didn’t even realize he had. That Ben might be having second thoughts. Even if Ben had a crush on him, it’s always different when you spend time with someone.

Paul isn’t as academic as Ben, not as handsome, and definitely not as sporty… Today, he’s going to see him make a fool of himself in front of his teammates. It’s too soon.

He should never have agreed to today. They should have left the weekend at one sweet perfect first date.

Ben pulls over and Paul’s stomach ties up. Ben takes Paul’s fingers and uses his free hand to pull on Paul’s chin, forcing him to make eye contact. The scene feels familiar.

That’s all Paul needed for all his fears to disappear. He never feels insecure when Ben looks at him.

“Paul, where is this coming from?”

“I’m rubbish at basketball.”

“So?”

“What if you realize that we have nothing in common?”

“Because you can’t play basketball?”

“Because you’re smart and sporty and I’m just me. Or because you will realize that I’m boring. Or because we don’t like the same things. Or… something.”

Ben smiles, one of his warm soft smiles that pull something below Paul’s navel. “I like ‘just you’. I think ‘just you’ is smart, kind, strong, passionate, funny… and I’m sort of looking forward to seeing you be rubbish at basketball. I really need you to not be perfect, because I’m not perfect. And I’m sure we have things in common. If not, I’m looking forward to discovering the things you like. Try out new things. You know… like you and basketball.”

Paul has to disagree with Ben. He is perfect. He doesn’t know how to say that, so he just leans in for a kiss. This one is absolutely not awkward. It’s perfect. It’s totally worth risking looking ridiculous on a basketball court.

“Okay,” Ben says breaking the kiss. “We’ll be late if we carry on doing that.”

They arrive late at the park.

Max and Leo are there, as well as four other boys that Paul is pretty sure are called Troy, Sam, Ian, and Toby.

“Paul!” Leo exclaims. “Max said you were coming, but I thought he was just messing with me!”

“Yeah, well… Ben invited me, and…”

“…and you couldn’t say no to those big brown eyes,” Max finishes. “I completely get that.”

The boys from the team laugh, but there is no mockery in there.

“Which is a good thing,” Troy comments, “because we were one man short.”

“You do realize that whoever gets me in their team will be disadvantaged?” Paul asks.

“That’s fine,” Ian replies. “We’ll put you and Sam in different teams, and both teams will have a disadvantage.”

Sam shows him his middle finger, but both of them are smiling. There seem to be a much better atmosphere in the team than Paul imagined. He always pictured them as a group of jocks, nothing more. Which is silly. Leo is his best friend, he has been eating lunch with Max for years, and there is Ben… Maybe it’s just easy to see people through ready-made stereotypes.

Max is the first to pick someone for his team. He picks Paul. Paul has never been picked first for any sports activity before. Not even if Leo was choosing. He knows that Max probably did that to make a point to Ben that he supports his relationship, but that only reinforces Paul’s respect for their friendship.

Teams are picked and boys spread on the worn court.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Ben quietly asks Paul.

“Only for you.”

Ben responds with a smile that wakes a couple of butterflies in Paul’s stomach.

And then they play.

Paul isn’t good. It’s definitely out of his comfort zone. But he has fun anyway. The boys on his team include him regardless of the fact that he has as much movement coordination as a teapot. The other team is nicer with him than with the actual basketball team players, but they are by no means letting him win. Paul really appreciates the balance.

Paul manages to score. Just once, true, but it’s still the first time of his life that he manages to get the ball through the hoop. As the best friend that he is, Leo celebrates the event appropriately and everyone makes a big deal out of it. It’s a bit patronizing, but it’s all in good fun, and it is, after all, the only moment Paul shines on the court.

The afternoon goes a lot better than Paul expected. The boys are friendly and welcoming. Leo makes it smoother as well. He is still a much more familiar presence than Ben. Without him, Paul would have been nervous about spending time with Ben’s friends for the first time. But right now, he can be himself. He feels like he’s with his friends too.

“I’m sorry we lost,” Paul tells Toby as everyone is grabbing their stuff.

“Don’t worry. It’s all about having fun. Did you have fun?”

“Yeah, I did, actually.”

Toby’s face lights up with a smile. “Cool. Come back next time, then.”

“But I’m dragging you down.”

Toby laughs. “It’s just spending time with some of the guys, it’s not practice. Sometimes, we barely even pass the ball to one another.”

“Okay. I’ll come back, then.”

“Great!”

“Who would have thought that basketball would become one of my hobbies…”

“Well… don’t tell anyone, but I might have let my girlfriend hook me on some chick-flick shows. That’s being in a relationship. You try new things. Sometimes it’s great, sometimes it’s not. Like when she tried to get me to do face masks. That one did not become a new hobby.”

Paul laughs, picturing Toby with a face mask on. He doesn’t reply because Ben shows up. “Ready to go?”

“Sure. See you in school, Toby.”

“Later, Paul.”

Ben drops Paul home. He did ask him if he wanted to do something else, just the two of them, and that sounded like heaven, but the thing about sport is that you get sweaty, and Paul isn’t ready for Ben to picture him as a sweaty mess.

As soon as he walks back in, he hears his parents call him from the living room.

“Oh, wow,” his father giggles as soon as he sees him. “You really did play basketball…” Paul rolls his eyes. “I’m really curious to meet the boy who got you to do that!”

“Neil, just leave him alone” Alison warns her husband. But when she looks back at Paul, there is something in her eyes that he doesn’t like. “Regardless of your father’s sense of humor, we would really like to meet the boy.”

“You’ve seen him before,” Paul responds. “He’s on Leo’s team. You even talked to him at the last game.”

“I didn’t particularly pay attention to all the boys on that team,” Alison replies. “Besides, there is a massive difference between being the teammate of my son’s friend and being my son’s boyfriend. We would like to get to know him. If you like him, he must be pretty special.”

“Are you going to make him feel uncomfortable?” Paul asks.

“We would never do that,” says his dad, slightly offended.

“Yes, you would. You never mean to do it, but you do. Mom, you have to promise that you won’t treat him like the teenagers you see at work because some people do not have problems that you need to solve. And Dad, I need to know that you are not going to make any joke which could be offensive and you are not going to try to pretend you know more than you actually do and mention things like Grindr. And none of you is going to go anywhere neat the sex talk. Can we agree on that?”

“Are we allowed to talk at all?” Neil asks.

“Yes. But do regular parents’ stuff, like… ask him about his grades and his hobbies, and… stuff…”

“You want us to ask him about his grades?” Alison asks.

“No. I don’t know. It was an example. Just… I really like him. Please, make an effort.” Paul’s voice nearly breaks, and both his parents look at him fondly.

“I will do my best to not ask anything personal,” Alison swears. “And I’ll keep your dad in check.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Neil admits. “But… I need a bit more time, if that’s okay.”

“Of course it is,” his mother replies with the most motherly look ever. “Whenever the two of you are ready.”

Paul isn’t sure if he is ready to have these two worlds collide. He knows, however, that he is not ready to meet Ben’s mother. That’s far too stressful. At this stage, he would be too nervous about making a wrong impression and he refuses to be a disappointment for Ben’s mother. He wants her to be happy about the choice her son made.

Paul is lying on his bed and his mind keeps going back to Ben. Today was almost a relief. Not only was the sport part more fun than expected, but it was so much more than that… With Ben, so far, they shared some nice moments, but they were just moments. That time at the party. Their first kiss. Their first date. Moments that stick with you for a long time. Sure, they also spent time together at school, but… school is different. They saw each other in class, or at lunch with Amy annoyingly staring at them with a happy smile, and that doesn’t count as spending time together.

Today was different. It wasn’t a big milestone. It was who they can be in their everyday life with friends around. Ben was smart, funny, handsome, like usual, but he is also losing that nervousness he sometimes showed around Paul.

Day after day, one conversation and one text at a time, he is seeing the confident guy that just takes over the basketball court emerging, and even though Paul is also smitten by the shy boy who softly blushes whenever he is the center of the attention, he enjoys being allowed to discover a side of Ben that most people don’t have access to.

Paul is very conscious that he is in his honeymoon phase and that it might be the reason why he feels this way whenever he thinks about Ben, but… there is more than that. He loves everything he discovers about him. And, sure, it might be because he is his first boyfriend, and the two of them are teenagers, and all of that. But maybe it’s more than that.

Regardless of what it is, or will be, he is enjoying so much all the things he is feeling and discovering at the moment.

Just as he is smiling like an idiot, thinking about his boyfriend – it’s as if he can’t use that word enough – Paul gets a text from Ben.

‘Thank you for joining me today. It was great to see you with the team.’

‘Thank you for inviting me.

I had more fun than I thought I would.

Plus, it was better than knitting 😉’

‘Haha. I’m glad you feel that way.

Some of the guys messaged me to compliment me on my taste in boys. I think they like you!’

‘If it was Leo, it doesn’t count.’

‘It wasn’t.’

‘It was nice to hang out with them.

We’ve been to school together for years, but I don’t remember talking to Ian or Toby before.’

‘Does that mean you’ll come back?’

‘I guess…

If you’re there…

Okay… I’ll see you tomorrow.’

‘Tired of messaging me already?’

‘Actually, I’m reading and it’s hard to concentrate on the book and the texting.’

‘What are you reading?’

‘Some autobiography…’

‘❤’

‘❤’

Paul looks at the unfinished geography homework on his desk. He doesn’t want to finish such a good day with such a mundane activity. There is always tomorrow night for that.

Instead, he gets ready for bed and goes to bed he would never have read if it wasn’t for that very specific boy…

He looks at the clock. Ten more hours.