Don't forget me - Forget-Me-Not

Donovan

"At what age did you start to express yourself differently?"

"I'm different?"

"Just answer the question."

"I don't understand the question."

"When did you start wearing nail polish? When did you start baking? When did you start being girly?"

"I'm not girly. I'm a boy. I act like a boy."

"Only girls wear nail polish."

"Nail polish doesn't belong to a gender."

"It does. There are things girls do and then there are things boys do. You're different. That's why you don't fit in with anyone. Now, I wanna know if you're doing this for attention or if you're doing this because you're really like this."

"Why would I do this for attention? Everyone hates me."

"Look, Donovan. All of this can go away. All you have to do is stop. Everything is a choice. Stop making bad choices."

"But..."

"You're in a school full of young men. Do you really think that it was a good idea to come here with flowers on your head? Come on. Of course, you'd get beat up. You're looking to be picked on."

"My mother said it's not my fault."

"She's right. It's not your fault. It's her fault and it's your father's fault for raising you as if you're a girl. You're a man, Donovan. Man up!"

"Man up!"

"Man."

"Up."

I snapped my eyes open and sat up. Even with the air conditioner on, I was soaked in sweat. I hadn't had a nightmare in a long time. This memory was something I wanted to forget. Why was it creeping back into my life? After my first ever altercation at my old school, I had to see the guidance counselor, Mr. Richards. His office was large, but it always felt so small. I always felt so small. He was a tall and serious man. He never smiled or rather he never smiled at me. Every session scared me. The session I dreamed about really struck a chord in me. It was the first time I cried in his office.

He reinforced his beliefs into me over and over again. He brought me down a notch after each session. When he mentioned my parents I lost it. I remember calling my mother. I couldn't even speak properly, so I texted her. I went to the bathroom and hid in a stall.

The next thing I knew, I heard a loud commotion. I ran out of the bathroom to see my father barely holding back my mother. She was heading for Mr. Richard's office.

"Miss, you need to make an appointment before seeing Mr. Richards," the secretary said. She stood there looking around nervously.

"I don't want to speak to him. I'm going to kick his ass. He messed with the wrong child."

I quickly ran up to my mother and hugged her. "Just sign me out. I wanna go home."

"I need to see him. I can't leave here without telling him off. He was unprofessional and he questioned my parenting. I raised an amazing child. He's the one that wasn't raised right. How dare he."

I heard the fury in her voice. She always got like this when it came to me and my safety.

"Donovan said he wants to go home, let's go. We will make an appointment with the Department of Education to file a case." My dad always seemed to be the voice of reason.

"I'm signing out my son," my mother said to the secretary. The secretary handed her a paper. She quickly read it. "I need to state a reason? My reason is that your institution hires trash."

She filled in the paper, slammed it down and pulled (dragged) me out of the school. By the following week, Mr. Richards was fired. There were many cases pending against him and my mother's wrath seemed to be the icing on the cake.

I checked my phone and saw it was 4 am. Three hours before I was actually supposed to wake up. I didn't feel sleepy anymore.

I unlocked my phone and checked my messages.

1 New Message

I quickly opened it to see a message from Jeremy.

Have a nice day 

Jeremy 2:15 a.m.

Four simple words that meant so much.

Wishing you the same. I hope you feel better. I miss you.

I quickly sent the message and set my phone down. There's no time for regrets, it's 4 a.m.

                                                      🦋

I did regret sending the message. It went unanswered and I felt so horrible.

Jeremy didn't show up to school and I felt even more horrible. Without his presence, I felt like a fish out of water. I was so caught up in him. I never tried to socialize with other people and it's not like many people socialized with me either.

He was my safety net. He didn't say if he was coming today and I didn't want to ask him. I didn't want to come across as needy and clingy, which I was.

I mentally facepalmed. This is why I don't have friends.

I sat down in our usual spot, all alone watching everyone around me. Some students were chatting with each other while some were studying. I took out my phone and checked the time, then set it back in my bag. I groaned. Ten more minutes until the first bell. My eyes diverted to the front gate to a familiar figure. Jeremy walked into the school with his father behind him.

Jeremy looked nothing like his dad. While Jeremy had tanned skin and green eyes, his father was brown with brown eyes. His father's hair was trimmed low and he looked very put together. He definitely didn't get his cute ears from his dad.

Jeremy looked horrible. His usual neat hair was disheveled and a bit longer. He had bags under his eyes. He wasn't wearing the uniform, so I didn't know what was going on. I quickly took up my bag and walked over to him. He saw me coming and offered me a smile. I smiled back.

"I missed you. Hug." He put his arms around me and pulled me close. I sighed in his embrace.

"I missed you too. It's been a tough two days. I'm not well and I might be out of school for a while." He didn't appear to be in pain. He just looked really tired and drained. His eyes lost its vibrant color. I felt useless.

"Why? What's wrong? Is it a fever or a cold?"

He looked at this dad, then he looked at me. "It's not either of those. I just need some rest."

He smiled again, but it didn't reach his eyes. It made me sad. He must have noticed my expression. "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I promise."

"Okay."

"I have to go to the principal. I have a meeting with her. I'll come to the class before I leave to visit you."

"Okay."

That's all I was able to say.

"See you in a bit."

His dad gave me a little wave as he followed Donovan to the office.

The bell rang. I clutched my bag in my hand. I let out an exasperated breathe and started walking.

When I had my panic attack, Jeremy helped me in the best way that he could, now he's like this and I can't do anything to help. When I got to chemistry class, I spent the majority of time watching the windows and the doors, hoping to see him pass by and finally he did. I stuck my hand up and asked to use the bathroom. I exited the class with a grin.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"I won't be coming to school for the rest of the week, I might be back next week." His hands were fidgeting by his side, so he shoved them in his pocket.

"That's a long time..."

"Yeah, I wish it wasn't like this, but it is."

"You didn't answer my message..."

His eyes widened. "I'm so sorry. I honestly don't know where my phone is. I sent the message to you and I set it down. I don't know where it went and it's probably dead. Don't think that I was ignoring you."

"I didn't think you were." I lied. A sense of relief rushed over me. "Would you like me to walk you to the car?"

"You'll miss class."

"I don't care. Let's go."

I linked our hands together and led him out. "Are you okay with holding my hand? Students will talk... I don't have a problem, but you know how it can be."

"It doesn't matter to me."

I only nodded as I tightened my hold. I needed to get as much Jeremy as possible before I'm left alone for one whole week. "Are we still doing Christmas? I don't want to force you or anything."

"Yeah, we still can."

As we passed some students, they watched us with judgmental looks. Jeremy didn't seem to care. He just kept talking to me. Maybe I shouldn't care either. I focused on him.

"... I'll call you if anything changes. I really need to look for my phone." He rubbed his eyes as if he wanted to rub them out of the socket.

"Great."

I stopped in front of the gate. Taking off my flower crown, I set it on his head. A single pink dahlia was surrounded by leaves and small purple peonies.

"Lucky for you, the dahlia flowers means inner strength. I hope you find the strength to feel better. Get well soon, I'll miss you. I don't sound clingy right?"

Jeremy just looked at me with an unreadable expression. "Wow."

"Um..." I think I've done it. I've scared him away.

"Thank you. When I find my phone, I'm going to text you my address. Don't be a stranger. Bye."

He jogged to his Dad's car and gave me a small wave.

I definitely won't be a stranger.