I couldn’t stop thinking about Howie’s pushing me to turn him. Feeding from a bag didn’t have that sensation I missed so much. I wanted to know what adrenaline tasted like. The hints I’d scented from him felt even better than the time I’d killed. I imagined that its taste was like cocaine in a junky. I knew I should have felt guilty for enjoying the few times Howie got nervous, but I didn’t. Not really. It took effort not to try and scare him. I didn’t even know why I was trying not to. That was why I brought up killing at group. I just wanted to sense his heart beat faster. I watched the goosebumps on his skin. I watched him cower a bit.

And I loved it.

All of it was getting to me, I knew. I wondered how the other vampires managed to avoid the evil feelings— the apathy. Quincy said I just needed to keep feeding like I was, every evening and every morning. I’d give myself a chance to feel normal again. A few more days, and I’d take him.

I sat with Howie at dinner despite how much food disgusted me. I’d given up trying to get him to talk about something other than what I was by now. He had questions. He wanted to understand, just like when I was schizo (supposedly). That was who he was. I answered all of his questions without much thought. He tried to get me to stop staring several times. I reluctantly stopped— for a bit. Then he called me out.

“Mac, are you even paying attention? Talk to me. Like, ask me something, don’t just answer my questions.”

I swallowed. What could I ask him?

“Do you really want me to bite you?”

He sighed.

“Yes, I want you to turn me. Are you considering it now?”

I nodded.

“I want to I think if I don’t change my mind in 3 days I’ll do it. Do you know what happens?”

“No, what happens?”

“I don’t know if its like this for everyone. First I got a stomach ache and I felt cold. The inside of me did, my organs and all. And then I started puking. All of my food first, then all of my blood. Fangs pushed my teeth out. And I had this awful pounding headache. My heart beat so rapidly it was practically vibrating in my chest and it hurt very badly. Then I blacked out and woke up in this dark concrete room with rafael and this man with his neck cut open. Rathael coaxed me to dwink and I couldn’t hold back.”

My fangs had elongated causing me to speak with a lisp. My eyes glued themselves on Howie. He must have caught the ravenous look in my eyes because he frowned and his pulse sped up. I shuddered.

“Thuck, Howie…”

He smelled delicious.

“Mac?”

“Yeth?”

“Are you okay?”

I took a deep breath.

“I’m thantsastic.”

“Hey, someone come get Mac.” Howie called.

“No, no, Howie, I’m okay,” I insisted, grabbing his arm. It pulsed rapidly in my grasp. A wave of adrenaline hit my senses.

“Aaahh..!” I gasped.

I shuddered again and my eyelids fluttered.

So good.

Ashely removed my hand from howie and dragged me back despite my squirming and protest.

“I’m okay! I’m okay!” I yelled. I escaped but she grabbed me again. I pulled and pulled and finally gave up. I knew I wasn’t okay.

I sighed, taking in his adrenaline scent again.

“Oh fuck… athely how are you okay right now?” I whined.

She didn’t answer, she just kept dragging me to my room. I tried to calm down.

“Alright… im thine now. I can walk.”

She stopped dragging me and let me start walking. Howie was still in the common area, almost out of sight. I stomped in Howie’s direction, and he flinched. The look of horror on is face was wonderful. I took a deep breath and shuddered, my eyes rolling back in my head.

“Haaahh!”

She yanked me toward my room so hard there was a pop in my shoulder.

“Ow! God dammit!” I cried.

I got locked in my room until it was my dinner time. Rafael came in with blood and I took it without hesitation and started drinking.

“Quite a show you put on earlier. I know how you are feeling as of late. It gets hard to empathize with humans.”

I was barely listening. My body pulsed and although it wasn’t fresh, they always heated it to 98 degrees. He stopped talking until I finished.

“Did you hear me?” He asked evenly.

I wiped my mouth and nodded, waiting impatiently for the next one.

“I will teach you to hunt if you would like me to.”

I froze.

“Hunt.”

It felt good on my lips to say it.

“How? Tell me about it.”

“Well, you spend the night in town. Lurk the streets and 24 hour restaurants, bars if you look old enough. You pick your victim based on body composition and what you are in the mood for. The plump ones are saltier, the thin ones a sweeter, and the muscular are a bit tangy. The blood type also plays a role in the taste. Then the steps begin to differ from person to person. Some people go for the kill right way, pinning them in a dark corner and mouth them until they are terrified, but I like to sweet talk them first, lead them to such a corner and then reveal my intentions, bare my fangs, whisper sweet nothings of peril in their ears until the air is thick with terror.”

My stomach growled and my eyes had closed. I pictured Howie pressed against a cool silver door painted white, his hot body trembling.

“Then I drink.”

He pushed the bag into my mouth. I moaned loudly. He chuckled.

“You feed until you are dizzy with pleasure, and then you dispose of the body.” He finished as I did. I panted.

“Interested?” He invited.

“Why do you want me to hunt?” I asked.

“I think drinking from bags is silly. But if you prefer it, you prefer it. I will not judge you either way.”

I didn’t know if I preferred it or not. I’d lose control every time, and I didn’t want that. But it sounded so fun.

“Can I think about it?”

“Of course. However, you cannot have Howie either way. I need him.”

“But—“

“You want him.” he finished my sentence.

“I want to turn him.”

“You can’t turn anyone unless you hunt.”

That. That was when I made my decision.

“I want to hunt.”

“Fine, but you still can’t have him. Not until I find replacements for you two.”

I sulked a little. Damn him.

“Perhaps you will find yourself enthralled with someone else when we go hunting.”