My whole body ached. My lungs felt heavy, my stomach churned, my head was spinning. My scalp hurt from pulling my hair.

It was all real.

I was never ill, I was never crazy. Everyone else was wrong about me. I was alone in this world of oblivious victims and treacherous monsters. Except for Howie, I supposed. I’d spent the past 20 hours letting this sink in. I was so tired; it was as if I’d had a 20 hour panic attack. but I couldn’t sleep. They would kill me. They knew. I knew. They knew I knew. There was no use for me anymore. Howie as well. Howie was out there amongst dangerous creatures. He was going to die also. I didn’t know how to protect him. Hell, I didn’t know how to protect myself. The door to my room seemed pretty solid. I guessed that was on purpose, that it was made to hold Them back. I felt deprived, though. I couldn’t stay there forever.

As far as I knew, Howie was still alive. There hadn’t been any other screaming or roars. The full moon was over. I needed xanax badly. I wanted to check on Howie and see how he was taking it all. Perhaps I could leave my room. Perhaps I should leave my room. Was it safe? Probably not. But Rafael seemed like he was able to protect us if we did our part and took precautions. I hoped Rafael was keeping an eye on Howie.

Not that I trusted Rafael, but he had protected us once already, there must have been a reason. He claimed that they needed him for the training or whatever it was, but I wasn’t convinced.

I was now standing at the door, looking at the handle. I peeked through the small window in the center of the door, seeing nothing unusual. I slowly opened the door. I’d survived this long I told myself. Surely I could do it long enough to get a little xanax and make sure Howie was okay. I stepped down the hall and up to the door to Rafael’s office. I turned to face the common area. Everything was normal. They were eating breakfast. The idea of food made my mouth water. I guessed the antipsychotic was wearing off finally. I knocked quietly on Rafael’s door— I was sure the vampire would hear it anyway.

The door opened and Rafael appeared before me. Never before had I felt so intimidated by the man. He was smiling,

“Feeling a bit better I see. What can I do for you?”

“I need meds. Not the antipsychotic though.”

Rafael raised an eyebrow,

“Are you certain you do not want all your medication? I think it would do you good to keep taking it. I would not say you have entirely normal thought patterns even if I leave out your ability.”

“No zyprexa.” I repeated firmly. I was tired of its stupid side effects, and if I didn’t absolutely need it, I wouldn’t take it.

“I will allow it. Just remember to pay attention to how you act and feel, and let me know if you change your mind.”

I said nothing, only turning around to glance at the others. I’d caught a few pairs of eyes. When they saw me looking they all looked away. I did notice that Vince and Sam were back. Keith was missing though. Vaguely, I recalled him having a panic attack yesterday when my worst nightmares played out before Howie and I. I assumed it had been too much for him as well.

When I looked back, Rafael was gone. I realized he’d always been that quiet when moving, that quick. I waited by the door until he returned, glancing back every few seconds. When he did, he handed me a little water and a small paper cup with three pills. I took them and drank the water.

“Thank you,” I murmured.

He nodded, “Of course.” He closed the door to do whatever he was doing back there. Probably devising a plan to make us forget again. He knew that I had remembered everything. I was glad that I was able to resist his compulsion the second time around.

Part of me wanted to go back to my room now, but another part of me knew I couldn’t. I had to make sure Howie was okay. I made my way into the common room. Fortunately, there was an empty seat next to Howie. I took it, avoiding eye contact with everyone else.

“Hey.”

Howie was already looking at me. “Hey there, how’re you feeling?”

“I’m fine. How are you?”

Dayo placed my breakfast tray on the table in front of me.

“I’m good. You missed lunch and dinner yesterday, eat something.”

I was definitely not opposed to that idea. I opened my cereal container and poured milk in.

“You’re good? That’s it? Surely all this has affected you.”

Howie shrugged, “to be honest, Im only worried about you.”

I looked into his eyes, searching for something, anything. Howie was completely calm. How?

“Why are you so calm?”

After I spoke, I realized the answer to my question: He wasn’t afraid of dying.

Howie shrugged again in response.

“Come on howie. Somewhere inside you there’s got to be a will to live. I know there is, even if it’s for my sake.”

He looked down.

“Im sorry, Mac.”

A sinking feeling landed in my gut. It was getting worse.

“It’ll get better. Someday you won’t feel like this.”

“Okay,” he submitted.

I knew he was only saying that to end the conversation. Started gobbling down my cereal as I thought. Everything was a mess. Howie was miserable, I was miserable, both of us were going to die. I was beginning to think there was no hope for us. We would die and be forgotten like Rafael mentioned so cruelly. I just stared at my food blankly.

Julia, who was sitting in front of me, tried to say something comforting.

“Hey… I want you to know that I’m on your side. I'll protect you guys if I have to.”

I looked down,

“No you won’t.” I replied coldly. I knew what she was. Of all the monsters in the room, she was the one I trusted least.

As the day went on, I searched for a time I could speak to Howie in private. He’d asked me to tell him everything, but how could I do it in front of the culprits themselves? They may not have been the wrist butchers, but they were close enough. I had realized long ago that there was no such thing as privacy in a place like this, but I had hoped for a moment when everyone was watching a movie, or playing kickball outside, something. There wasn’t even a full minute that none of Them looked at me. By four, I was frustrated, and so was Howie. As Quincy entered the common room, I knocked on Rafael’s door. He answered it, seeming slightly put off by my disturbance.

What was he doing in there?

I tried my best to keep my heart rate down, but that wasn’t really something I-- or anyone human for that matter-- could do. After having been off my meds for a little while, I was more sensitive to the sensations. Something about Rafael was worse than the others. The deathly chills he gave me came quickly and they crept into my bones. My knees wobbled a little. I second guessed my plan. Should I even be asking for his help?

“Mac… are you okay?” asked Rafael.

“Mhm. just nervous for group. Will you come watch?”

He raised an eyebrow at me.

“Quincy can watch. He is just as well mannered as I.”

I glanced at Quincy for a moment.

“How do I know that?”

Rafael closed his eyes and then opened them.

“I will know if anything takes a bad turn. I am in the middle of something important. I apologize, but I have assistants for a reason; I cannot do everything.”

He tried to touch my shoulder but I stepped back. He sighed, a little miffed.

“See you later,” he said as he turned around.

He was hiding something.

I sat next to Howie as the rest of group formed a semi-circle around Quincy. Quincy scanned the group, holding the same friendly expression he always had at the beginning of group.

“So,” he started once everyone was settled, “A little bird told me there was an incident here yesterday. Who wants to tell us about it?”

Everyone was silent for a moment.

“Sam turned into a werewolf,” Howie blurted. “Mac and I discovered that we were trapped here to be used as stand-ins for the human race, which all of you could easily destroy.”

He looked at me,

“Is Quincy one of them?”

I was nervous. It was very apparent. I just hoped Howie’s strong words weren’t going to get us killed. I noticed more eyes on my neck and I than there were on howie.

“He’s a vampire, and he’s probably more dangerous than the rest of the room.” I whispered.

I wasn’t stupid. Rafael said Quincy had ‘manners’. The older a vampire was, the more control they had; therefore he had more power.

Quincy didn’t seem to mind anything Howie had said. He probably heard me, too.

“I am a vampire, yes. How does it make you feel to be surrounded by supernatural people? Either of you.”

Now was my chance to tell Howie what he needed to know. I decided that it didn’t matter if the other patients knew.

“You know, it makes me feel a lot of things,” I piped in, “For half of my life, I have been terrorized by creatures like you all. I have almost died countless times by the hands of monsters. When I was 14 I was put in a mental ward-- a real mental ward. They did test after test on me, trying to understand how to control my so called hallucinations and my delusions. I was the person they tested new medications on. If I hadn’t been so miserable, I wouldn’t have consented to being a test subject at all. You know when they list the side effects of a medication in commercials? Those were me. I was lucky I didn’t die then. Finally, after two years, they developed a new medication for me. I was specifically told that, I’m not making it up. Zyprexa was created because of me. You all know the many side effects I’ve lived with for-- what? 3 years now? In senior year, I ran out of my medication while my doctor had the flu. I was off it for less than a week before I was followed into my room and my wrists were slit by a vampire. That’s what happened to Howie too.”

There were tears streaming down my face. I wiped them and sniffed,

“Before I came here, I was locked in a basement and tortured by vampires; I assume they were getting ready to bring me here. They told me they were coming for Howie next. I escaped, and when I found Howie, I was forced to make him believe me-- that you things are real-- for his own safety. But before we could do anything, we were found and brought back to the basement, where we were hand-cuffed and brought here.”

I glanced around at everyone, making sure they didn’t look like they were going to kill me. Most of them just looked guilty.

“So it makes me feel stupid, angry, and terrified of what’s to come. You all have ruined my life, and I’m sure one of you will end it. End both of our lives.”

Howie was stunned. Even Yosef was quiet.

“Mac, I’m so grateful you opened up to us.” Quincy started.

“May I say something?” Daren interrupted.

He waited for a response to his question though, surprisingly. Quincy nodded.

“Remember your group manners.”

Daren looked at me.

“I’m sorry all that stuff happened to you. But can you answer for the assassination of lincoln? No, you can’t. So why are you making us answer for shit other people did?”

Quincy held his tongue despite Daren’s swear word, which wasn’t allowed.

Everyone was looking at me now. I had to say something to that.

“...I… I mean there’s no one else to answer for it...”

“But that doesn’t mean we should have to. When you get out of here go hunt those bitches down or something.”

“Daren, language.” Quincy snapped.

Daren fell silent.

“I’ll help you find them and make them see it your way.” Vince said.

Everyone else in the room agreed except Daren, Julia, and Quincy.

“I would agree, but I can’t leave this place.” she said and looked away.

So she really was psychotic; she was even more dangerous than I thought.

“Mac, What is Julia?”

“Don’t you dare. Tell him.” Julia commanded.

I felt my blood drain from me. I kept my mouth shut and looked at quincy with urgency.

“Julia, try anything and there will be consequences. Howie, Julia has a right to her privacy.”

“I’m sorry Mac.”

Her tone was less than sincere.

“Now let’s hear from some of the others.”

Vince decided to put in his two cents.

“I just… Mac and Howie are making me feel really ashamed of who I am. I’m trying to be better, and I don’t know what else to do besides that. I can’t change back-- and believe me, I wish I could. Being a werewolf sucks.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because… there’s this other mind inside of me that wants to take me over and control me, and I have to constantly fight urges to… do things I don’t want to do. And shifting hurts so bad, and I’ll have to do it two or three times a month every month for the rest of my life. And I’m always so hungry, and sometimes all I can think about is-- um. Nevermind.”

I mentally finished his sentence: killing people.

“I understand. So, what you’re saying is that you don’t want to be the way you are?”

Vince nodded.

“Do you think maybe someday you can accept yourself and learn to appreciate your abilities, once you have your urges under control?

Vince shrugged,

“I hope so.”

Quincy nodded and smiled at him reassuringly,

“You will. Anyone else?”

There was a long silence.

“Before I found out about this place,” began Mabel, “ I didn’t know blood bags were sold by certain coroners. I thought I had to kill to survive, But I refused to kill. It was so rough, because I… I wanted to hurt every person I saw after a little while. I refused to leave my house. I lost my job, and then I lost my house. I became homeless, and constantly surrounded by people. I tried so hard to resist, but eventually I failed. After that I felt so bad that I turned myself in. quickly, I realized that was a bad idea because I had no explanation to how or why I did it. My lawyer plead insanity when I told him the truth, and won. That’s how I ended up here.”

There was something building in me, something I didn’t want to admit to feeling: sympathy. Deep down, I knew I couldn’t blame these people for existing. But I’d already voiced my opinion. I didn’t want to be wrong. The room was silent after that. No one else wanted to talk about what they were. I’d made them ashamed of who they were, and I wasn’t so sure that was the right thing to do anymore.

Suddenly, Yosef decided to say something.

“Can we stop eating that gross ‘enhanced food’ now that they know?” he asked.

“That isn’t up to me. Mention it to Rafael when you see him next.”

I wondered what else was going to change. What else would they stop hiding?