Weird things went on in the hospital. I caught people staring at Mac and I all the time. Everyone did it, and Mac said he noticed it happening to him too. I hadn’t noticed anyone else staring at anyone else, either.

And there were some sort of gangs or something. Certain patients formed two groups that were posed against one another. Mabel, Kieth, Daren, and Yosef were on one side, and Sam, Tyler and Vincent were on the other side. They got in fights all the time. It just seemed odd that they were so against one another. One thing I did notice was that one group consisted of all anorexic people. I thought maybe that was why they were teamed together. The other group seemed like mostly bipolar people. I recalled the fight from this morning:

Tyler politely asked if Mabel was going to eat her apple at lunch.

“Hey, Mabel, my girl, you don’t seem very hungry. I was wondering if you planned on eating your apple.”

Daren glared at him,

“Yes, fat-ass, she was. You have your own food, and you know our food is specially formulated for better nutrition; we’re not allowed to give away food anyway. Why would tempt her, an anorexic person, to give away food? Do you know how hard it is for us to deny that offer? And don’t ever call her ‘your girl’ again. Got it?”

Daren was edgy as fuck. Both physically and mentally. He was admitted after eating once a week for 2 months and dropping 70 pounds. He joined the group a couple days before mac and I, and he was still extremely skinny. He was also extremely rebellious and angsty. He was also deaf with hearing aids implanted in his head.

Tyler scoffed and frowned, “Damn, I was just asking. No need to be such an asshole about it.” Tyler grumbled.

Sam spoke up, making sure Daren could hear, “Don’t mind him, Tyler. Daren is always an asshole,” he snickered.

Mabel started to look uncomfortable. She knew it was going to get ugly.

Yosef rolled his eyes and put down his spoon, “Says you.”

“I’ll fight you right here, little girl.” Daren lashed.

Let me clarify: Sam was female to male transgender. And let me tell you, he was insane; by that I mean spastic, aggressive, and reckless. Although, he might have been delusional. He acted like a wild animal sometimes, and I wasn’t really sure if he was messing around or not.

Dayo got involved. She also knew where this was going.

“Alright, both of you, in your room right now.”

Both of them ignored her and stood. They were on each other in an instant, quicker than I’d thought was possible. Ashley showed up then, and the two of them dragged the boys apart. Sam came away with a bloody lip, but he clearly won, as Daren had a broken nose and a bloody bite on his arm.

That’s right, a bite.

One strange thing that was pretty unnerving: animalistic behaviors. From a lot of them. Drool was a thing. Tyler, Sam, and Vincent, all drooled when they ate. And like I said, biting. I’d caught a number of them biting themselves instead of scratching. I was noticing this more and more.

Mac seemed a little suspicious of the patients. He mentioned that he thought perhaps something was going on, But it was hard to be sure while he was on his meds. It was for the best though, I told him. I reminded him of the last time he didn’t have medicine and gestured to my wrists, and he agreed it was a bad idea.

After the fight, everyone finished breakfast and went about their daily routine. Mac and I started a game of chess. While Mac got his check up, this girl named Julia sat next to me in Mac’s seat. I didn’t know anything about her. She was quiet and never shared about herself at group, only responded to other people to give advice. You could tell who was attracted to girls by how they interacted with Julia. I thought she was good-looking too, even though she wore the same unisex t shirt or long sleeve shirt and pyjama pants. Her dark hair was styled similarly to Rafael’s and had a mysterious look in her dark eyes, like she knew your secrets.

“Hello.”

“... Hey. what’s up?” I returned.

“I don’t know. You seem… perplexed.”

You could say I was perplexed about the strange behavior. About my lost memories. I wasn’t sure how she knew that. I didn’t know how to respond.

“Why do you mention it? Do you know what’s going on?”

“No. I’ve been here all year, and I’ve seen people like this before. It isn’t uncommon in this hospital. It perplexes me as well.”

“Huh. I wondered why.

“I’ve never seen anything like this, except maybe gangs, but not really, you know?” I replied.

“I know. One other thing I know is that this place works. Nothing was working until I came here. I feel a lot better; I haven’t had an episode since, even in stressful situations.”

I nodded, “lucky you. What are you here for?”

“Brief psychosis. It’s a rare disorder in which the sufferer experiences brief psychotic episodes in times of stress.”

I nodded again.

“I hope you feel better soon. You seem like a good person,” she added.

I can’t hear a compliment and accept it. All of them were wrong.

“I’m not, but thanks anyway.”

Simply struggling with such common, manageable problems made me disgraceful.

“You would say that. You know, struggling does not make you a bad person. You’re an outcast, even among us, and from the way you speak at group I can tell that you have more than your share of trauma. Those things have serious effects on people. It’s not your fault, and you don’t deserve any more suffering.”

Oddly, her response matched what I what thinking. She probably was saying this stuff just to be a nice person to boost her own self esteem, that she didn’t actually believe any of it.

“And try not to write this off as ‘just being nice’. I genuinely believe those words. If you ever need someone to talk to that isn’t Mac, feel free to come find me. I’ll make sure it’s inconspicuous so he doesn’t become jealous.”

I was speechless. She read my mind yet again. This woman was unnerving too. Everyone was.

“Sorry. I have a knack for reading people. I used to be a tarot reader before they trapped me here.”

I froze, staring at her,

“Trapped?”

She shrugged, “It’s been determined that I’m not capable of living a life on my own, so they’re keeping me here permanently.”

Damn, I thought. That really sucked. What if that happened to Mac someday? Or even me? I had a feeling I would be in there for a long time.

“Oh… can I ask why? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

She shrugged again, “It’s how I am. I need someone around to remind me what is and isn’t real-- to keep my train of thought organized. And it’s unreasonable to think there can be someone around at all times, from the moment I wake up to my last waking moment.” she explained.

I didn’t realize she meant that she literally couldn’t be alone. Maybe I would talk to her a little more. The others talked with her sometimes, but not all the time. They seemed to forget about her sometimes; I know I did. Mac started to walk back over as he put his shirt back on, so Julia got up and moved to a different seat nearby.

“Oh, I get it. I’m sorry. I want to get to know you, though, you seem cool. Want to play cards with us after this game of chess?”

I didn’t really feel like playing cards, or chess for that matter, but there was nothing else to do but sit with my thoughts and torture myself, and I could do that whenever.

She nodded, “sure, that sounds fun. May I watch?”

Mac sat down.

“Hello Mac.” she greeted.

Mac gives a curt nod.

“Hey, I invited Julia to play cards after this, that okay with you?”

“You did?” Mac says, seeming surprised. “Alright, sure.”

Mac took his time moving his piece. He took one of my pieces after moving his and looks at me.

“Take that,” he teased softly, “Your turn.”

I tried to smile a little and look over the board. Mac was winning, no surprise there. He was good at stuff like chess. I only agreed to play because I owed him for being such a terrible friend, despite what he’d said about that. I hummed a little and move a piece, taking one of his pieces. We continued like this for a while. Julia seemed to be enjoying herself.

“Howie,” she insisted at one point, “Don’t fuck this up, now is your chance.”

I looked at the board, seeing nothing notable.

“What?”

“Look harder.”

I looked for a moment more. Then I noticed that I could win the game. I smiled a small, genuine smile and moved the piece and looked at mac.

“Beaten by the likes of me, you must be worse than I thought.”

Mac rolled his eyes and grinned, probably happy to see me smile like that.

“Whatever. You’re good when you focus, Howie. That’s how you always are.”

Julia said nothing, she just smirked a little.

“Good game man,” Mac held out his hand for me to shake.

“Oh, never mind.” he took his hand back

No touching. When Mac said good game, I thought of something: what if Mac let me win? I shrug.

“I mean, as long as you didn’t let me win.”

“I didn’t.” he confirmed. “Should we play cards now or should we take a break?”

“Take a break,” I said. “I have to piss, and it’s almost lunch time.”

“Fair enough.” Mac agreed.