“Aw, look at that, Jacey-wacy is still getting help from girls. Can’t even stand up on his own. At least this time he went down almost looking like a man.” Came a jeering voice from a dozen feet back.

I felt Brittany’s hand tense on my arm. I know she was telling me not to fall for the provocation. No running, no fighting, no crying. He wasn’t worth it.

Laughter from a lot of people, and then more mocking. “You know Jace, that’s the only time you’re ever going to get a woman on top of you.”

I clenched my fist. I knew this was just Michael Grotti doing what he could to make me feel low, and I know that letting his words hurt me was letting him win, but that little voice in the back of my head kept whispering that he was right. Kim likely just tripped, and the scene just looked compromising, and there was no way something like that would ever happen on purpose. She was just looking for the easiest councillor to push around, and everyone knows that’s me. That’s all.

The sound of flesh striking flesh brought me out of my self pity and back to the moment. Brittany’s nails were digging into my arm, so I knew she wasn’t the one who had done whatever it was that just happened. I turned to look, and there was Kim. Her hand was up and Michael was down clutching his face. It took me a moment to process, but I would swear she had just slapped him. And now the situation gets worse… he’s going to hurt her or mock me for a girl fighting my battles or something.

“You CREEP! Why do you have to pick on him? What, are you not man enough unless you make someone else feel like less of one?” Kim all but screamed at Michael.

She turned around and stalked over toward Brittany and I. The next thing I knew, she had my arm in hers and was pulling me along toward the cabins. Once we were out of everyone else’s field of view, she stopped. She was shaking, and I could see tears running down her face in angry rivers.

“You shouldn’t have done that.” I said, my voice barely more than a whisper. “They’re just going to escalate things. You’ve made yourself a target.”

She turned to face me, her features a mask of rage, “And what about you, huh? Are you saying you’re not a target? How can you just sit there and act like nothing happened?”

“I’m used to it. Like I said before, social circles.” I sighed, starting to walk again. I felt her arm fall away as I pulled ahead.

I got about ten steps away before I was stopped again. Kim throwing herself between me and wherever I was wandering, “Is he the reason you’re so banged up inside? Him and people like him? Is that why you’re used to it? Because that’s all you know about people outside your group?”

“What does it matter?” I asked, letting all the defeat seep through every word. “It’s not like I can do anything about it. They’re popular, handsome, the opposite of me. They’re not losers who people take pity on and keep around like lost puppies.”

I walked around Kim and made the rest of the trek to the cabin. They were pretty sizable, almost like small dorm buildings. They each had showers, a small sink for washing, two bathrooms, and the sleeping area was split by a common meeting section. I found myself the bunk furthest from the front on one side and threw my bag down by it.

I really should have thanked Kim for picking it up after knocking me down.

“Jace? Bud? Are you holding together?” Brittany said, taking a seat next to me on the bunk.

“I told you. I told you this would happen. The coach thinks getting mocked and beaten up will make me more manly or something, it’s the only reason he picked me. How the hell am I supposed to face any of the other students now? They just saw a “leader” humiliated by better one, and then the loser was taken pity on by a girl who stood up for him because he wasn’t man enough to do it himself!” It took every fiber of my being not to shout those words.

Brittany rubbed my arm, “I don’t think Michael’s a better leader. And I don’t think blondie was taking pity on you.”

I laughed, the built up mucus and making it sound like I was hacking, “Then what, my dear comrade, would you call what she was doing? She saw a pathetic animal taking a beating, and she pitied the stupid thing that couldn’t fend off the attacker, and stepped in! There’s no other logical answer here. And in doing so, she put a big target on her back, meaning if something happens to her… it will be all my fault.”

Brittany pulled me in close, leaning my head on her chest, “I think there’s another answer. And I think you’re just pretending not to see it.”

“Just… just give me a moment to gather myself and we’ll get the campers set up. I just need to pull myself together here.” I said, fighting for calm.

Brittany ran a hand down my hair a few times and then released me. “I’ll go check that they all know what they’re signing up for, go wash your face.”

I went into the bathroom, set my glasses down on the edge of the sink, and went about splashing myself with some cold water. I took a few ragged breaths, fought back all the hurt again, and steeled myself for what happens next.

I rubbed the water that was left on my face, placed my glasses back on, and took one last breath before making my way outside to take my pace next to Brittany. Looking out, there were seven faces looking back. Front and center stood Kim, who mockingly saluted us.

“Reporting for duty, Captain, Commander.” She said, nodding first at me and then at Brittany.

With a massive grin, Brittany turned to me. “What say you, captain? You’ve got a crew reporting in, how do we proceed?”

I blinked, at a loss. “Why am I the captain? I thought you were in charge here?”

“Well then I’m out.” Said one of the girls in the back. “I was told we had a dude leading us. If he’s just taking orders from a woman, that makes him no different from my dad.”

“And what if he’s just being nice?” Brittany asked the girl. “What if he’s just trying to be respectful?”

The girl looked to me for a moment, “He looks like he’s too afraid to lead. How’s that for ‘just being nice’?”

I sighed, pinched the bridge of my nose, and made a decision. “Any more comments like that and I’ll have you mopping the cabin every day before dawn.”

When I pulled my head away from my hands I saw everyone smiling. I thought about it, and it started to make some sense… they were all pitying me. This was some big ploy. I don’t know what the end goal was, but these were all girls who were taking pity on me for what happened with Michael. Well, if they want a captain… a commanding officer, then I guess I could at least play along.

“Permission to come aboard, sir?” Kim asked, standing even straighter and smiling brighter.

I put my arms behind my back, did my best to look stately, and said loudly for all of their benefits, “Permission granted. Welcome aboard, crew.”

When everyone had settled in, we gathered in the meeting nook. On my left sat Kim, who had pushed her chair as close as she could without being in my lap. On my right, acting like she was prim and proper, sat Brittany. The other six girls had their chairs facing us in a semicircle.

“First order of business! No more talking like this is a boat or a sub, please. It’s too much of a hassle. You can call me Jace, boss, or leader.” I started.

“Except me, I get to call him master.” Kim interjected, prompting a series of knowing nods from the assembly.

“Second thing; Showers will be on a SCHEDULE. I’m not going to have someone walking in on the others… and by that I mean I don’t want to accidentally wander in on one of you. Or you walk in on me. Nobody wants to see all this without clothes on.” I continued.

“Except me!” Kim exclaimed, another round of nods following that.

I huffed, “People sleep in their own bunks. I don’t want to wander in on anyone playing… um… with scissors?”

“Excep-“

“Including you. Especially you.”

“Right, no scissors for me. All beef.”

“No, you stay in your bed.”

“And you’ll come to me, I read you. Best not to spoil the bed of our glorious leader.”

“Please don’t compare me to that guy. And no, I’m not going to creep into anyone else’s beds. Everyone stays in their own bed.”

The others once more nodded their heads.

“Hey, Brittany, do you have anything important to say?” I asked, figuring the only way to get this back on track was to hand it off to the person these girls would actually listen to.

She nodded, “Like the Boss said, we don’t want any incidents. Punishment will be meted out accordingly. Also, you can call me Sarge. I’ve always wanted to be called Sarge.”

I put my hand over my face, “Am I the only one taking this seriously?”

One of the girls raised her hand.

“Yes… um… I don’t think I caught any of your names.”

The girl raising her hand had long sandy hair, freckles, chocolate eyes, and very pale lips. She looked familiar, but I wasn’t certain why.

“I’m Cathy, we had a math class together last year.” She said.

“I’ll do better to remember this time. What can I do for you Cathy?”

She put her hand down, “I want to know how we’re going to get revenge on the jerk who thought to disgrace the glorious leader.”

I put both hands over my face and hung my head. “Why do you all keep calling me that? I look nothing like him! You know what, we’ll do this democratically. Then nobody can say I forced this. I will give you each a piece of paper. You may write what you would prefer to call me on the paper. Britt- I mean, Sarge here will tally votes. Whatever has the most votes is what I will be called going forward.”

“Including around others?” Kim asked excitedly.

“Oh, definitely around others.” Brittany said before I could respond.

It took all of five minutes for the whole thing, and in the end there were only three options. In first place was Glorious Leader, Commander of the Harem Armada. In second place was my name. In last place, with a single vote, was Biggus Dikkus II. So, after another five minutes of negotiations, I became the Glorious Leader.

“Can someone at least explain to me why ‘the second’?” I asked, holding up the last place card.

Kim started snickering, “Because it’s funnier to assume your father looked at you after seeing that movie and thought you fit the bill.”

“I’m more amazed any of you know that movie than anything else.” I sighed in exasperation.

With a little more digging we found out that the other girls who made up our little brigade were named Jenny, Taylor, Dominiqu, Jasmine, and Tanya. Apparently, Kim WASN’T the one who put the questionable vote in the basket either… that was Tanya… who revealed she was packing some impressive heat when she was adjusting in her seat.

“Ok, now that we all know that I’m not the only one here lacking certain parts, I feel we’re coming up on time to head for the mess hall.” I said, glancing around for a clock.

Kim shot up out of her seat, “The Glorious Leader demands sustenance!”

The other girls jumped up and performed a semblance of a roman salute, “Hail, Glorious Leader! Your will be done!”

Sighing, I issued the order for the troops to assemble outside the barracks. I held Brittany back, indicating I wanted to have a word in private.

“Did you put them up to this?” I asked, letting the act drop.

She hugged me, stepped back, and smiled. “All I said was that you were doubting your ability to lead. Kim’s the one who got those girls onboard. Though you might have had Tanya’s vote from the start.”

I hung my head, my upper body following the motion, “I knew that girl was trying to embarrass me. Freaking hell, was this the prank she was trying to play? Setting me up for failure?”

Brittany rubbed my back, “I think she’s trying to show you something. If I didn’t know better, I would say she digs you.”

“Yeah, right. We both know better than that. Nobody could love a hideous monster like me.” I said, rubbing my arm.

“Well sometimes it does take a beauty to tame a beast, right? Come on, maybe this will work out for you.” Brittany said, starting to walk away.

There was a commotion and then Kim’s head was sticking through the door.

“Come on, Glorious Leader! Hurry up or someone might violate one of those rules you set down!”