"Goodbye." I said and waved at my brother. I was waiting for a reply, who am I kidding! I know he won't reply. Things changed between us after that incident three years ago. But he will be always there listening to my ranting. For me just being near him is comforting now. I look at my phone and suddenly I noticed I had a message,

"Want to meet up and talk?" It was from Eziel. I messaged back after a time thinking if I should or not. He was just a stranger but I needed someone who won't judge me. We decided to meet up to a family restaurant and I was pretty near of it.

"Hello." He said when he saw me. I waved and barely opened my mouth. I'm an introvert, a little too much shy when it came to talk with new people and engaging in a conversation. A reason Ty hated me. He could not stand for me in this regard. He was already there sitting on a table. That was pretty fast I must say. I slid down my bag from my shoulder and sat down as well.

"Want to eat or drink something?" He asked me looking over a menu randomly and bored. Before opening my mouth a waitress came. She was pretty but not my kind. I liked sexy and yummy boys.

"He wants a coffee and a cheese cake." Suddenly I hear a voice and look behind Eziel. There he was a gorgeous guy with glasses looking upon some papers but with a gentle look in his eyes. I remembered him now. He sat near Eziel during that night he picks me up.

Eziel snorted and nodded to the waitress and she looked at me. I of course ordered a chocolate cake with vanilla cream and a cherry on top of it. I was devastated that they didn't have cupcakes.

"I see you are also here as well." I blurted out without thinking and blushing heavily. The guy didn't react in any way. But what Eziel said after that, it made me feel guilty for what I said.

"Truthfully, if it wasn't for him, I would have been dead by now. He didn't let me..."

He said smiling softly and having a sad look in his eyes. "I deserved to die" He told me looking into my eyes. He had the same eyes like me. They were filled with regrets and pain, and emptiness. He played with his thumb around the cup edge before telling me something.

"Don't force yourself to smile and bear a burden, someday it will become too heavy for you to carry and will crumble under your feet, it will drag you nowhere but in darkness." He told me after sipping his coffee and looking straight into my eyes.

"I'm a stranger but you could trust me, not now but ... If you need someone to talk, I'll be there, just a call away." He told me. "I did a horrible thing to someone and it was too late to realize that how much I loved him."

My words got caught in my throat and I could feel my eyes burning. I diverted my eyes toward the window as at that moment I was unable to see those deep blue eyes. I'm not fine but I always say that "I am fine" I guess that's why they say it's the biggest lie in the world.

I froze in my place. From the corner of my eye I could swear I saw Him, I saw Ivan. I drop my head and started eating my cake thinking I imagined things and scared to look up to see him. I was only hearing my pulse, beating faster and faster. My palms were starting to sweat and my jaw was trembling.

"What's wrong?" He said gripping my shaking hand. "It is nothing...this cake is fantastic" I said retreating my hand. He looked at me and smiled softly. "I bet it is." After saying this he looked out the window and I could see a frown on his face.

"I'll take you home." Suddenly he said and noticed the gorgeous guy with glasses turned around with a slight annoyed look in his eyes but he only nodded.

"Oh! No...I can take a taxi...plus I'll go to see some of my friends." I said but Eziel refused to hear me. After few minutes he paid the bill and as he said I was sitting in backseat of his car toward Blake's house, silent and thinking why Ivan was there.

Twenty minutes later I was in front of Blake's house. The lawn was nicely cut and a small garden was blooming in front. I saw him and my heart started to beat fast and a slight blush crept on my cheeks. Sadly it doesn't got by unnoticeable by Eizel.

„Is he your boyfriend?" He asked me chuckling. I looked at him in horror bubbling things random. His question caught me off guard. "Oh, so he doesn't know. You might not have told him yet!" He said and looked at me. "You should not be afraid telling what you feel" I nodded shyly. I was afraid to lose them; they are my only friends of mine. I said bye and went out from the car watching how it drove away from the lawn.

"Who was that?" I started hearing the sudden voice of Blake whispering into my ear. I turned around to see his face was near me. I immediately backed away, feeling my heart beating faster. He has an odd look in his eyes.

"It...is...my... brother." I say mentally slapping myself lying like this; I could easily say that he was just a friend but what if he was thinking something else. Snap out, Theo, he is straight, but those deep green eyes practically melt me up.

"Oh!" He said and that odd look slowly fades away. Then he slugged his arm around my shoulder smilingly he asked "So how was the meeting?"

"We ate ice cream, he just listen to my blabbering and gave me the silent treatment." I said what was true. All that happened, but the only difference is it was Eziel not my brother.

"Damn, he sounds like a dick." Blake says while we stop at few meters away from the porch where Ty and Eugene were eating watermelons. They were talking about something and Ty was smiling. I must admit something. He did have a nice smile too but he had such a bad personality.

I found myself pouting and snorting like an idiot while Blake looked at me amused still feeling his arm upon my shoulder, a thing which I wished will always stay like that. He pulled me closer toward him while walking toward the porch. I looked at his face and in his cheeks a shade of red appeared.

"Dudes!" Eugene suddenly says jumping on his feet's. In that moment Blake let go of my shoulder and he slips his hands in his jeans pockets. Damn, I wish my hands were in his pockets now. My eyes slide toward his lower area.

"Theo?" I hear Blake voice and snap back to reality. He was near Eugene now handing me a piece of watermelon. "Sweet", I say while biting it. Behind him I noticed Ty glaring at me and his smirk never left his face.

"Do I have something on my face?" I say looking toward Ty who started to laugh mumbling something lazy like." ya you do". I start rubbing my face like a maniac. Eugene starts to laugh and bouncing like he was high or so while talking again about Becka and Ty just nodded but his eyes were still on me.

Blake giggled a bit and suddenly he touched my face, brushing a huge black seed near from my mouth corner. Feeling his hand on my jaw and his thumb on my mouth made me blush. I dropped my head to hide it.

My heart was slamming fast against my chest now. He looked at me and that odd feeling in his eyes came up again. He was near me yet far away from me. Unknowingly I started to lean towards his face but he pull away swiftly after hearing Ty's angry voice and Eugene laughing and running behind him.

"You mother fucker." Ty snapped. I looked behind Blake and saw a Ty filled with watermelon seeds and small red pieces on his face and lap.

"Dude, you should have seen your face when I spit all on you." Eugene said and started running seeing Tyler standing up. Blake started to chuckle and looked at them while he brushed his shoulder against my arm.

I felt an electric shock passing through it, but I liked it. Maybe Today was a good day. No longer had I seen Eugene falling on to the ground and Ty sat over him trying to shove a huge piece of watermelon in his mouth. I wish I could be that close to him as well. The sadness I feel, I try to hide with a soft mediocre smile.

Blake looked at me again with that odd look in his eyes, which was making me confused. One step of mine and I could ruin everything. I know for him I'm just a friend whom he pity, nothing more nothing less. I wonder what he is thinking now and if he really wants me around here.

The evening passed away. Ty had to shower and Blake made some pastas. Everything he cooked was bliss for my mouth. Eugene talked to Becka on the phone for nearly an hour and after that we watched a movie, a horror, which was pretty cheesy.

"I can't believe I lost an hour and half of my life" Ty said annoyingly while looking at his phone. A small smile makes its way on his full lips. I wonder what was there in his phone that makes him smile...

My inner self mocked "Jealous! Are we Theo?"

"What!! Obviously not I was just curious!" I defended myself.

"What?" Eugene said stopping my chain of thoughts. „The movie was great. Good effects, good plot." We all rolled our eyes. He liked any movie, bad or good.

"Kid, you sure have a bad taste when comes to movies and clothes." Tyler said while stood up."Anyone want a drink?" He asked and we all licked our lips.

Who wouldn't, after all!

"No, you're wrong, I'm fashionable." He said jumping around.

"You wish..." Blake said and kicked him in his arm while taking a can of beer from Tyler.

"Where is mine I asked." I need a drink so bad and to my disappointing Tyler gave me a glass of juice.

"He is younger from us so...no beer." He said while all agreed. I looked at them and annoyingly I open my mouth to say something only to feel Ty's hand over it while the others two looked for a new movie.

"You drank too much in the last period. If you don't want Blake to find out you better drink that juice." I nodded and when Blake turned to us we both smiled like two idiots. Same pity looks in his deep black eyes, from yesterday.

Half way through the movie we all were bored. The boys started talking about things they done in their childhood or embarrassing moment. Smoked easily by the booze, they lost Interest in watching the movie.

I looked at them but I could only hear them. I never took part of this things, embarrassment I did but nothing to be funny and remembering like them. I don't have good memories. I do have a lot memories rather say a lot of nightmares. Memories are meant to be shared otherwise they became your worst nightmare.

My childhood was different. I never had friends to go out and play. I had none to share my toys, chocolates; I had none to irritate or to do stupid things with. I was an outcast to those normal children. I tried so hard to mingle with them but I have not succeeded till date. It was only me and my brother, sometime my sisters, but we weren't close enough. I felt a pang of suffocation in my heart remembering my childhood. But the worst part I'm not compatible with my brother anymore. I've ruined everything. The harder I tried to make things better the worse it got. I always craved for love and care but I never got it. Maybe I'm not meant for love. My train of thoughts got distracted by Eugene's voice once again.

"Hey Ty, do you remember one year ago when you entered in the wrong bathroom at the sport club?" Eugene asked him. I raised my head to listen. This is the first time I'm hearing about it. Maybe this was the time when they all left in a short trip which I could not attend because... I bit my lip just to forget the reason.

"Oh! That. Was pretty funny being the single naked guy in a room filled with girls, damn I can still remember their reactions. Trust me it was priceless." He started to laugh and drink more beer.

"We know. We heard it from the other part." Blake said. Tyler looked at Eugene with a smirk.

"Wasn't it more embarrassing when you came out with a towel on your head but naked down while our parents were all gathered for the Christmas dinner?"

"What?" He said gesticulating, spilling out the beer, "dude I haven't thought that they will be there that fucking early in the morning and moreover I was thirsty."

They continued like that for two hours forgetting completely about me being there. I was just listening to them feeling like the fifth wheel. I should have got used to this kind of moments by now but it still hurts. I looked at my glass which was nearly empty.

I needed a drink; I needed something to make me feel I'm not a worthless piece of shit like how my own father calls me all the time. Right now I needed something to forget everything even just for a while. I stood up and walked outside towards the porch, with a can of beer in my hand. I was looking up at the night sky filled with twinkling stars. The surroundings were silent and I could only hear their loud laughs.

As always I was lonely, even between friends. I opened the beer can. I look at it contemplating if I should drink it or not. My mind said no but my mouth and the burning throat told me yes, I needed a drink to ease the pain in my heart.

"If you drink it I'll spill everything out now that you're a fucking asshole who's becoming an alcoholic..." I heard Ty voice. He was standing at the door frame.

"Go ahead and say," I told him bluntly and put the can near my mouth only to see it got flipped on the ground. "Why did you do that?" I asked him but Ty didn't reply. "You fucking hate me, then why you care if I drink or not? Stop showing this fake concern," I asked him.

"No! I do not care.... you could drink as much as you want, until you pass out but ..." He stopped and looked at me. He had that same look in his eyes, guilt or something else? He turned away leaving me confused on the porch. I sat down on the stairs of the porch looking towards the door.

After a while we all passed out in the living room. Blake slowly slipped his head on my shoulder. He was drunk and he won't remember. There was darkness in the room and nobody will see us. I lean in and for the first time our lips met. His lips were soft but his breath smelled of beer. I didn't care. At last I kissed him, the boy I loved.

Tyler suddenly stands up from the floor and he looks at me, my all body froze in that moment. "Damn, I need a bed" he says. I left out a sigh. He didn't see. He also dragged out Eugene who was the pretty wasted. Now It was only me and Blake, all Alone. I was happy.

Slowly I sat down with my back on the sofa and Blake fell upon me. He was heavy as well, but feeling him upon myself made me feel safe and secure. I slowly drifted to sleep without thinking about tomorrow or anything else.