Finally I halted down my car in front of the gate of my parents' house which once used to be Home but now it's just a bricked mansion. I wasn't really feeling like getting down from my car and go inside. There inside are those persons who left me, when I needed them the most. Everything choked me. Their stares, their touches, every single action of them towards me suffocated me.

They showed pity on me yet they couldn't show affection for me three years back! Whenever my mother touches my arm she looks at me but not into my eyes. All of them just stare at me, like I'm an object not their son. They never tried to look through my soul. I hate them all, and I hate myself for that.

I lean my head on the steering wheel and close my eyes inhaling breath. No sooner had I closed my eyes than only Emil passed through my mind. I felt like my heart got twisted. He was happy now and surrounded with many friends. Someone like him should not have this privilege; I'll make sure of that. l'll destroy Emil Eventually just like he destroyed him, my...

I raised my head up from the steering wheel and looked at the front view mirror a slight smirk came across my face. Finally I unbuckled the seat belt and decided to enter into my so called house.

"Ivan?" I heard my mother's voice as soon as I stepped inside. She had a concerned look on her face which made me feel repulse. Yes, that's it she should stop faking that she cares about me. "Where have you been, honey?"

"At school," I replied her flatly trying to go to my room without being asked daily why I get home late.

" Ivan your school has ended nearly two hours ago so Don't lie to me. Tell me where have you been?" I could feel the change of temper in her voice but honestly I didn't care even a bit.

"Leave me alone, mother. Just stop it I'm fed up with all of these" I replied with venom. My mother was about say something but at that very moment Nikolas enters in the house looking pretty upset. His cloths were filled with dirt and his t-shirt was slightly torn up. He looked at me. I heard my mother scream and she ran fast to her baby boy. She was trembling and few tears slipped down from the corner of eyes. I wish she would have been those same tear droplets for me as well, not that fucking act only.

Only looking at them make me feeling sick. "Nikolas?" She said while she was checking him out for any wounds and bruises. "Who had done this to you?" The kid didn't say anything, just looked at me and said something that our mother didn't hear."Karma is a bitch."

In that moment automatically a grin slipped from my lips. I pressed my thumb over my bottom lip. He deserved from being...

"Ivan!" My thoughts got scattered hearing her voice "Why don't you keep an eye on your brother at school? You know he can't..."

"Why should I?" I snapped and stormed to my room letting her yelling my name. I felt her cold gaze behind my back. Sometimes I wonder if she really mother of both of us or she is just Nikolas's. I sank my face into my pillow and closed my eyes, hoping to fall asleep and never to awake, not to see them again... When I Woke up I noticed only one hour had passed. There was pin drop silence In the house.

Getting up from my bed I took the diary. The mesmerizing photo made me shiver. Then My eyes landed on few lines.

"Tonight he asked me if I love him. I looked into his eyes and they were glowing. I kissed him and I promised him he will never be hurt and I'll be there for him. His skinny body feels disgusting in my arms, His chopped lips make me vomit and his retarded gaze makes me laugh. He is in love with me and easy to play. Tomorrow my little brother will make him..."

I kept the diary on the bed side left and placed the photo back. I left my room to grab something from the kitchen. My parents' voices made me stop on my way. They were talking rather say whispering about me.

"He's suffering so much and I can't protect that child from himself." My mother was saying with a sobbing voice. "The guilt... will eat him alive"

"He will pass over."

"But when...it's already been three years?" It had been three years. He had changed from a sweet loving boy to that cold hearted, ruthless and... He will destroy everyone in his madness. He will destroy both that sweet boy and himself. I can't take it anymore."

"Dear!" My father raised his voice. "That boy destroyed our children's' dreams..." In that moment my mother interrupted him. "Our boys started all that sick game."

Hearing this I clenched my hands and I felt my blood boiling. How could she defend him like that? What she knows? She ran away and left me there, in despair and pain. Each day I was trying to breathe while they were living without any worries. Every single moment I crave for their support but Forgetting about me they were happy and consent in their peaceful lives. They done nothing to erase my pain, my sorrows but blamed everything on me!

"Sweet boy! My foot! He was a worthless shit. He should have been grateful that someone did talk to him instead of kicking his ass each day." I suddenly snapped and started yelling at my parents.

"Ivan..." My mom told my name on a low voice dropping her gaze down like she suddenly felt scared of me. Seeing her like that I stormed out to my room angrily. On my way I bumped on Nikolas. He had the same cold look in his eyes which made me explode.

"Why are you looking like that to me, little brother?" Not reacting to what I said he tried to ignore me by shoving me in the wall. In that moment I seen red before my eyes and the last thing I know that my hand a red mark on his face. "You fucking mute."

Gasping my mom came on the stair and holds him to her chest. Few drops of blood started to slip on his lip from his nose. My hands started to tremble. I neither wanted to hit him nor said the three words which made my mother look at me in repulsion.

But it was true. I could read on her face, my father and my sibling, they didn't want me there. I was now just a crazy kid who is a burden. I smiled not to let them see how much their gazes hurt me. I needed them but I just can't let my guard down...

"Go in your room Ivan" She said turning her back toward me. She took Nikolas in the bathroom. My father had an angry look and maybe his eyes were reflecting hatred for his jerk son. He comes to me and gripped my arm. He pulled me in my room, slamming the door behind.

No longer after that I felt a burning sensation on my cheek with a slight pain. His hand was shaking and his jaw was trembling. In that moment though for just a few minutes the curtains felt revealing his true feelings for me. He didn't need me here; he didn't even want me as a part of the family. I was his crazy son only. I'm well aware of this fact but now I really don't care...

"Don't ever you dare to hit your little brother and call him a mute. Today He is like this just because of you..."

He stopped and tried to touch my face. His eyes were red. But I pushed him away from my way and ran out of my room covering my ears as I didn't want to hear him. From the corner of my eyes I saw my little brother standing on the sofa and my mother was caressing his back. She never came to me to hold me or caress me not once since that day. She briefly looked at me in hatred and then she went away with my younger brother as well as making me feel shattered.

Maybe she's right. I'm just a crazy kid lost in the past. After that I drove away aimlessly for some good long hours, until dusk fallen upon the city. Opening the glass window of my car, I looked at the sunset and I felt like my ears ringing and nausea. My life is a mess. I raise my head and in front of me there was He with another guy having dinner in a family restaurant chatting and smiling...

"You fucking slut." I mumbled to myself. I was not wrong about that he must pay but my parents are too blind to see that. All will know soon who Theodore is. He is tainted... Suddenly my heart raced remembering the kiss from the other day.

"He will only be mine broken and bleeding through all pores. Mine alone." I let out a grin while I felt my body shaking in ecstasy. He was the drug which was keeping me alive. Only seeing him everything got deleted from my mind.

Why he has such effects on me and my heart?

An hour later I returned home. On the table my parents were having dinner with Nikolas. My dad looked at me and tried to say something but I didn't stayed there to hear him. I entered directly in my little room and He was there curled up in a ball, his back was facing the door. My heart ached after seeing him like that.

"Everything will be fine, I promise." He let out a puff and turned toward me. His face was still red and a bit swollen. He looks at me and takes his notebook writing something.

"Don't do something stupid again."

"I won't." I said flatly and walked toward him to hug him but he shoved me away looking at me angrily and showed me the door.

"You'll see soon, that he will pay for what he done to you, to me and..."

"Ivan Alexei, get out from this room and stop bothering your brother." My mom came in fearing that I might hit him or hurt him.

"Sorry I bother you all with my presence and please call me Leiv... "

"Ivan, stop..."

I looked at her and passed by her slamming my door viciously. Biting my thumb while I was walking in a circle in my room my eyes felt on the diary. I immediately took it up opening a random page.

"Today I saw him again. He was picking his notebooks from the trash. He looks boring and dull. He is a retarded piece of shit. Today I'll smile toward him and lend my hand..."

He was sweet and innocent, scarred and lonely. That's the Theodore I used to know. I threw away the diary on the bed and felt on the floor, screaming loud and hitting myself on the wall. It was just a game and nothing more but it led to so many destructions...

Suddenly everything became blurry the Last thing I remember before passing out was my father's voice screaming to my mother "Give me the pills."