I can’t just tell you what I think
Because I can’t trust you
And that's not your fault
The reason is the words that built up on me
The words have been built by people I thought I could trust
Parents, Teachers, counselors
but whenever I finally told them they blamed me
They blamed me for my feelings
So at some point I started blaming myself as well
I told myself that it was my fault for the screams
I told myself it was my fault for him to leave those scars on me
I told myself it was my fault I couldn’t do everything
I used to say that it was my fault the switch in the dining room exists
I used to say it’s my fault that my friends would leave me
But now I realize that was the problem
And I can’t tell you these words
because the words made me not trust any adults
Because they sell my secrets to make them seem better
But at least I can write poems about it
I can write poems about how I am scared of my brother
I can tell you poems of how I’m not a boy or girl but just me
I can show you poems about how my mother's cancer wasn’t what made me like this
How it wasn’t that I got less attention but how I wish I got less attention
Because that would at least say that I got more attention before she was sick
I can’t tell you my words but I can show you through my art
Because this is easier for me to write poems than to speak
And I can get words off my chest like this
I can say what I want without tripping over my words
So Even though I can’t tell you
I can read you this
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