"Theodore!" I heard a voice followed by a slight push. "Wake up."

         "What is it?" I mumbled, trying to get up fast, but the room started to spin and I got a slight headache.

         "You're mumbling again in your sleep." He told me looking at me half asleep. "You even gripped my arm, kid."

         He shoved his arm in my face showing me the marks I must have made.

         "What is the time?" I asked him trying to open my eyes and ignoring his voice.

         My head was throbbing like hell. Once again, I drank not a thought of much I was having.

          "It is four in the morning."

          The boy who was sleeping near me groaned.

          "Tyler, you should have let me sleep," I replied, annoyed and sank my head again in the pillow.

          I heard him mumbling, but I didn't hear anything. My mind dazed and I was feeling sick. I can't remember how I got with Ty in bed or at his house. All I remembered was that I left home to cool my head. After that, everything became fuzzy.

          Tyler was a shady guy, but one of my few friends. He looked shy, but in fact was the head of the mischief's in our small group. I don't think he even liked me; he was always staring at me with a smug look that's all.

         "Next time, if you drink again, I won't pick you up from the street, Theo."

          I heard him say but I didn't reply. I just tried to sleep, burying my face into the pillow. Trying to adjust to the dark. I wanted to forget my dream rather say nightmares.

         After a few hours I opened my eyes again and shut them fast, this time for adjusting the light. I heard Ty's voice again in an annoyed tone ordering me to get ready for school. I had an odd taste in my mouth and my stomach felt like something tried to pierce me out.

        "I'm leaving ahead." He told me. "I won't wait for you..." I waved from the bed, while trying to stand up. The door slammed and I could hear him going down. Then silence. The sweet peace I have craved since I opened my eyes.

        "How the hell did I end up with Ty out of everyone else?" I asked myself flatly, smirking at how I became friends with the group. It had been two years and a half since I met them. I drank too much and puked on Ty while they were coming out of a family restaurant. All I remember before blacking out was his disgusted face and his T-shirt filled with my vomit. I awaken in Blake's room. Since then, we had been inseparable.

          Until then, I was an outsider; an outcast. I slapped myself not to think anymore and stood up careful, yet I lost my balance and shaken myself too hard. The headache was awful.

          I walked toward the bathroom and undressed myself for a fast shower. The water relaxed me, making me forget the thoughts which invaded my mind until the shower glass showed my scrawny body in its reflection. I hated my exposed body.

          I was slightly pale and my brown short hair was just plain and nothing outstanding, but my eyes, they always have this dark shade into them, which made me to not trust anyone, and being afraid to show the real me. A messed up kid craving for love. I touched the glass like wanting to erase the image of me.

         "Get hold of yourself, Theo. You worked too much," I said to myself slapping my face while getting out of the bathroom and starting to get dressed fast. The school was ten minutes away. Tyler was lucky; he was always sleeping longer than the rest.

✮

          "Theo!"

           I heard Blake voice calling me. He was sitting on a table near Ty and Eugene. My only friends, but I was happy in a way. Fewer people, less drama!

          "Kid, snap out of it!"

           Ty shouted, while he looked at me, while dazing around in the middle of the school. I was having heavenly cupcakes as breakfast in the cafeteria.

            "Did you all hear the news?"

             Eugene started to talk, while he was scrolling his phone and not looking at any of us, only I was mentally stalking ones of them, with my amber eyes hidden under my brown bangs.

            "What news?"

             Blake asked while he looked at me, who I was busy in digging into the cupcakes. Today we had vanilla cupcakes with a strawberry cream filling. It was blissful, same like his deep blue eyes, which at this moment they were staring at me.

          "A new kid just transferred." He said." All the girls already jumped on him from his first day." Eugene continued whining. "Oh! Why?"

          "So?"

          Ty replied, fixing his hair, which it was always spiky. I could hear his irritation from his voice, but as well-noticed that nobody asked me about where I slept. This meant Ty kept his mouth shut. He knew Blake will probably make a scene and Eugene will make bad jokes a week. As well, I didn't ask how he found me. Perhaps I called him?

          "What you mean?"

           Eugene with a dramatic pose started gesticulating. He was the goofy member, always being a drama queen. His clothes were always looking funny on him, like hanging, but he had an odd beauty, maybe it was the freckles he had or his messy and rusty hair, most of the girls were sipping him with their eyes.

           He had a girlfriend though, which were always breaking up only to get back together again. His motto, "make up sex is magnificent." It was nothing bright, but he was always making me smile.

           "We could have those girls. Which..."

           "You already have a girl, Becka, the nerd you're always annoying us about." Blake replied to him smiling and touching his lip with his thumb. "Theo, you okay?" He asked, looking at me.

           "Yes, I'm fine," I replied, while starting to eat my cupcake, it was the fourth out of the seven cupcakes I had.

          I was drooling in my mind over his body, but more to get distracted from the dream I had. A thing I never wanted him to know is that I liked him; I might embarrass myself or lose him like a friend. He was always when I needed him.

         "Theo! You little pervert!" I hear all of a sudden Eugene's voice and him was jumping on his feet, making the kids near us turn around. "Your food looks like boobies!"

           He gave the ultimate bomb, which made Ty trying to hide his laughter, as well as Blake. At that moment I felt jealous of them; I'll never have a bond like they have and had for years. I was the outsider, the outcast.

            "But tasting boobies are yummy," I replied, faking a smile and continued indulging in them, greedy. Mostly salivating. Glad I had them in my mouth and nobody noticed that.

            "I don't know how you don't get fat eating them like this, each day." Blake told me while he reached for my face, taking me by surprise. "You look so frail and slim despite you eat so much."

            "It is in my genes," I said, waiting for his touch which never came.

             I raised my head and noticed he reached toward a girl, catching her by the shirt. It was one of his classmates in science class. My heart stopped for a moment. I imagine him and her together. A small feeling of jealousy bubbled inside me at the thought.

             I felt disappointed, knowing he was straight. In his eyes, I was the same. I never revealed my little secret that I was gay, ashamed and afraid of what they will react.

             "The classes will start in ten minutes," I announced while standing up, thinking of buying myself a chocolate milkshake. I asked any of them if they wanted something, but all in one voice told me a big no.

            "And Sherlock...now eight minutes."

             Ty said to me looking toward Blake. It was about time that they had to go. I had math, and they had science at the first hour. Again, I was feeling let aside for a reason. Blake looked at me and told me to rush to my class.

             "We will meet here at lunch!"

             He told me, while Eugene stood up ready to go and to meet his girlfriend, a beautiful brunette with a voluptuous body. Who said nerdy girls are ugly? I nodded and walked toward the cafeteria buffet. I began singing a song I recalled hearing on my laptop some days ago. A foreign one.

            The moment I stretched to take my milkshake, I cursed at my short hands. I must say, I'm a short kid; in fact, I'm the shortest in the group. The counter was made higher after the last year renovation. Who knows what was in their mind. At last, after a lot of effort, I grabbed the milkshake. It was looking tasty, but I was in no mood to drink it, I was feeling nausea already.

           "I'll just throw it in the garbage toward my way to the class", I mumbled.

            I glanced at the group, and they were still there, talking and laughing. Blake noticed me and waved toward me, showing again the clock. I turned to go toward the door, when suddenly I stumble on someone, spilling half of my milkshake on his shirt. My shoulder hit his chest. He had a sweet fragrance suddenly remembering an old memory. I smiled sadly.

           "Missy, watch where you're walking?"

            I heard his voice and suddenly, a shiver passed through my spine.

            I raised my head and the first time I saw, were his light grey eyes; those familiar mesmerizing eyes. I shuddered and started to mumble. On his face a slight smirk appeared, and he gripped my arms. I remained dazed.

           "Look who have stumbled on me! " He said, gripping my arms, hurting me with a cocky grin plastered on his lips. "Emil, if it's not you? I would never have guessed you're here! No wonder I mistook you with a girl. You didn't change much."

           I was not feminine, but he sure loved to taunt me with that.

           I tried to say something, but the words didn't come out of my mouth. I felt like a zipper was keeping it shut, blocking out my words, leaving me speechless. I felt sick suddenly and hot. I was about to faint there. The only thing which was holding me on my feet's was his grip and body.

           "Have I made you blush?" He asked me, having that evil grin in a corner of his mouth. "Look at me, didn't you miss me?" He put his hand on my face, gripping my jaw so hard that hurt me. "You ran away with your tail between your legs last time I saw you," He continued talking, but I felt weak and woozy. I couldn't hear anything he was saying, just a sharp ring in my ears.

           I wiggled hard and released myself from his grip. Why he was here? I started to run, letting the glass I was holding in my hand to fall on the floor. I looked around and could not see the group anymore, only his cold eyes, staring at me. I ran into the bathroom, trying to keep my self-control I worked so hard in the past three years to keep stable, but everything was starting to fall apart once again.

           My body refused to listen to my mind; I was shaking hardly, while trying to breathe normally. I felt like I was choking. My chest was hurting awfully. I fell on the dirty and cold floor, alone and scared. All of a sudden, I drift fast in the abyss I was trying to get out of. My thoughts were hidden by the bell which rang, announcing the start of a new school day.

             "Calm down, Theo," I said to myself. I tried standing up. but my legs were shaking. I plopped back down to the ground and embraced my legs. "Everything will be fine!" I tried to motivate myself. "He is not here!"

             In my mind a flash of his eyes appeared again.

             Ale tale...

             My phone started to ring, and startled me. I took it from my pocket and replied without looking at who was calling me. I only had six important contacts on my phone and a few more from relatives of family friends. My three friends, from home and my mother work.

            The last was and the sixth was a number that would always call me. The rest will never call me. I always wanted to delete them, but I was afraid that I'll forget something, like a part of me will die forever.

             "Where the fuck are you, you piece of shit."

              I heard his angry voice. but I couldn't say anything. Only heard him yelling, while I was trembling. My tears burst out unable to hold them back anymore. Again in years, I felt like I would lose once again...everything.

             Little did I know I would be right in my perpetual concept.