The next day Danyel worked hard at keeping a neutral expression on his face. He’d taken a risk and now he just had to cope with the consequences, or lack of them. He managed to avoid being alone with the Captain, and he fancied the Captain was doing the same thing.
He was especially careful to be polite when talking to Fiona. It wasn’t her fault, in fact she stood to be the biggest loser out of this. He remembered reading somewhere that once there had been a custom during a wedding, where anyone could stand up and object if they disagreed with the marriage. He half wished it still existed. But it was the Captain’s choice, not his. He had to keep reminding himself of that. He’d only just arrived on the Revel, but perhaps it was already time to start looking for a transfer.
Meanwhile, the Captain was struggling with his own demons. He still went hot and cold whenever he thought of what he and Danyel had done. He was the first man he had kissed, and now he was the first he had had sex with. He still couldn’t quite believe it. From the minute the other man had got into his bed he had felt aroused, even before he had touched him, and then, when he asked him to leave, he had already been starting to want him again. It was as if Danyel had cast a spell over him. Maybe it was because he was really an om after all, or maybe it was just Danyel. He couldn’t think what to do.
It was too late to cancel the wedding; all the plans had been laid, the invitations sent, the deals made. His family would never forgive him. Besides, what reason could he give? He couldn’t even imagine telling his own family he was an om, let alone Fiona’s family and all their guests. He cringed at the thought. News like that would spread like wildfire through the space station, the fleet, his ship! Would he lose his position?
He didn’t know of any other Captain who was also an om. In fact, Danyel was the highest ranking officer he had met. On the other hand, how could he go through with the marriage? It wasn’t fair on his betrothed or himself. Wouldn’t the scandal be worse if it came out after he was married? Then he would be exposed as a liar and a coward as well. His thoughts went round and round, like rats in a trap.
Eventually he decided that he needed to be honest with Fiona, at least. He would start by talking to her before she left the ship, while he could still speak to her in person rather than through a console unit. Maybe they could figure something out together. He called her then and there on his wristcom and asked if he could come and speak to her in private on a matter of urgency. She let him in to her cabin, “Come in, Adam, and tell me what has happened. Maria, please leave us for an hour or so.”
Hayes sat down next to her and felt nothing, no leap of the heart, no rise in his pulse, just a mild affection. He was making the right decision; he only hoped she would think so too. He looked seriously at her. “Fiona, there isn’t an easy way to tell you this but I have been having some doubts about this marriage. I don’t think I can go through with it.”
She looked at him wide eyed. “What do you mean?”
“For a start, we don’t love each other.”
She looked puzzled. “But we’ve always known that, Adam. I have a great deal of respect for you, I’m sure that in time... affection will follow.”
The Captain got up and began to pace up and down. “That was true enough until... I’ve changed, Fiona. I don’t think I should be marrying anyone.”
She was looking more alarmed by the minute. “What on Earth’s the matter, Adam? Are you ill?”
“No! It’s just that I... I’ve become attracted to someone else.”
“Oh. Who is she? Perhaps it will pass, these things happen from time to time, I’m told.” Hayes gave her a very strange look. What an odd thing to say. Fiona was looking at him with a relieved smile and Hayes realized that nothing less the truth would serve.
“That’s part of the problem, I’m afraid. The person I’m attracted to is a man, not a woman.”
She stared at him uncomprehendingly. “How can it be a man?”
He stopped pacing and faced her. “I don’t know—it just is! Fiona, I think I’m homosexual, an om. I don’t think our marriage would work.” He ran a hand through his hair.
She still had a blank look in her eyes. “Who else have you told about this?”
“No one. I’d like to tell as few people as possible, but I thought you had the right to know the truth. I’ll just say I’ve changed my mind, that I want to stay on as a career officer in the Patrol and that it wouldn’t be fair to have a wife who I’d only see a couple of times a year. I was hoping you’d support me, when I call off the wedding.”
“You can’t be serious! Call off the biggest wedding of the year? After all the preparations, the work, all the negotiations between our families?” She stared at him in amazement.
He stared at her in equal incomprehension. “Haven’t you heard what I said? You don’t want to get married to an om. What sort of relationship would we have? What about sex, children even?”
She looked down and carefully smoothed out her dress. “You’ve made love to me before. I’m sure you could manage well enough until we had a child. As long as you are discreet, I would be prepared to look the other way if you had other... relationships.”
Hayes was speechless.
“Think about it, Adam. I won’t help you to call off this marriage. I want everything it will bring in the way of prestige and status. I also want a child. Once I have a child, I won’t bother you for sex.” She coloured faintly as she spoke. Hayes wondered suddenly—for the first time—if perhaps Fiona had her own issues with sexuality.
“We can make the marriage work if we try, well enough to satisfy society.” She looked up and met his eyes, “Think very carefully before you make any decisions. The consequences could be devastating, especially for you.” Then she smiled, “Cheer up, Adam. It’s not like this sort of thing has never happened before. In the old days they even had a name for it, a ‘marriage of convenience.’ This could work out very well for both of us.”
Hayes left, feeling rather as though he had been pulled backwards through a wormhole. Without making a conscious decision, he went in search of Danyel King.
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