Hibiki and Tristan ate their breakfast on the couch. Since Hibiki couldn’t write at the same time, and thus not respond to anything Tristan would say, he put on a random morning talkshow to combat the silence.

Tristan was only halfway through the scrambled eggs, when Hibiki finished his. Once he had put the plate down, he judged it with a wide grin and a heart gesture.

“I’m glad you liked it.” A smile played around Tristan’s lips as well, even when he took another – moderate, bite. In response Hibiki nodded enthusiastically, which caused a few strands of his hair to fall in front of his eyes.

“It’s probably not as good as what you usually get though…” The moment he said it, Hibiki immediately huffed and shook his head. With his index fingers, he sternly signed a cross, telling him not to say such things. Realising he had let his anxiety speak, Tristan quickly averted his gaze.

“Sorry.” He mumbled while he saw Hibiki type rapidly on his phone from the corner of his eye. Afraid that he would get scolded for bringing the mood down, he stayed silent and looked down at his plate.

A firm poke on his shoulder demanded his attention. He’d expected to see a frown, but instead Hibiki didn’t appear too angry; he just held out his phone for him to read. Reluctantly he did.

‘It doesn’t matter if it’s as good; there are more measures than just being the best at something. I don't care, and even if you did fuck up, I still wouldn't. Because you're trying for me, and being nice to me. That's what matters.'

Hibiki gave the corner of Tristan's mouth a slight prod when he looked up, telling him to smile. The other corner joined suit, spurred on by a slight, warm glow in his chest. Before he could say anything, Hibiki had plucked his phone from his grasp and typed again rapidly.

'It was great anyway'

He added with a determined puff of his cheeks. Tristan nodded in response, then put his plate down on the table. Without saying anything, he leant in and gave Hibiki a tight hug.

A deep, heavy breath escaped him, and for a moment he appreciated the warmth and comfort. He felt Hibiki's arms close around him, and couldn't help but smile slightly.

"You always know what to say to me," he said softly. "I don't want to be so nervous, but I'm afraid I will lose this – us. It's a good thing… but there's so much that can go wrong, so if I'm not great, why would you go through the trouble for it?"

He let out a sigh, holding on slightly tighter while trying to figure out the patterns behind his own feelings; to reason his way through why he felt such dread. There was far more than one.

"Did you tell your parents?" He asked, glancing up at Hibiki. He meant for it to only last a moment, but found it difficult to look away.

Hibiki slowly shook his head, the edges of his mouth curling up wryly as he admitted he hadn't.

"I haven't either…" While buried in the warmth of Hibiki's chest, he could hear the television suddenly go silent. Two hands on his shoulders held him, but he hadn't quite finished his thoughts yet.

"It feels so strange to think of myself as gay? It definitely doesn't feel like rainbows and glitter." He let out a heavy sigh, that tapered into a frustrated noise. "It's not fair. I like you, but I can't even look in the mirror and admit it to myself because I've been told it's disgusting. You are the best thing I've had in a long while. I shouldn't be afraid of saying that, but I know that if I were to, my parents wouldn't be glad I'm finally happy. And… I don't think they really care? So why should I call myself gay,- when I’m afraid, and lost… and worried about my future? … It’s cruel."

His breaths had become laboured. He felt a hand on his back that gave him slow guidance to get his breathing back into a proper rhythm. Despite trying his best to inhale as deep as he could, he still felt narrow, like the air couldn't push past his throat. So he coughed in an attempt to clear up his lungs – but that only expelled the precious air left in him.

Not again. Frustrated, he tried to struggle through his shortness of breath. The harder he fought and forced his breaths, the more his throat and lungs hurt. Each exhale sounded slightly whiny, the narrowness causing a soft whistling noise. Hibiki’s hand moved to his cheek now the usual method of calming him down had failed.

“Sorry…” His voice barely managed to get out, and he had to swallow deeply and take another short inhale to get the next word out. “My inhaler… it’s in my bag.” He stammered, giving a loose point upwards to Hibiki’s bedroom where he had left it.

Immediately he felt Hibiki shift out from under him, and not wanting to worsen anything, he laid back against the couch. It’s only asthma… don’t panic. He repeated to himself, as he closed his eyes and focused on keeping his breaths from racing. Behind him he heard Hibiki dart up the stairs.

A long moment later, he heard the same sound of feet on glass race down again. Hibiki quickly sat down on the couch again, and his weight shifted the pillows. In response to the sudden motion, Tristan opened his eyes and smiled – despite his heavy breaths.

Immediately he took the plastic inhaler and tried to get the medicine as deep in his lungs as he could. Part of him felt ashamed for needing it, as if he was somehow faulty, but the prospect of being able to breathe would far outweigh any shame. There was an ever so slight chemical, somewhat metallic taste that hung in his mouth afterwards.

The moment he laid his inhaler away, Hibiki moved over his lap. Careful not to press against his chest or hinder him, he put two hands on his neck and under his jaw while looking down at him. There was some concern in his gaze, his brow slightly furrowed while he slowly ran a thumb over Tristan's cheek.

"I'm fine…" He responded with a soft smile, although he kept his mouth open so he could continue to breathe in. "Just a bit stressed."

Hibiki tilted his head, and gave a slow, rather small shake to question him further about it.

"You know why… exams, family, Christmas… our relationship." The last one he was slightly cautious to admit to, as if addressing it would somehow curse it to fail. "It's all going to come together at once… and I don't know how to handle it."

Once more he laid back, letting out a deep sigh before breathing in again. Inhaling and exhaling got easier, relieving him of that worry at the very least. Hibiki gave his cheek a few light taps, then held his phone up for him to read.

'You'll be okay'

“Are you sure? … you won’t be here.” Tristan responded, a slight tinge of worry in his voice.

‘Just for a while, I need to be in Japan for the holidays, but then I’m closer in Switzerland. And we can call?’

A chuckle left Tristan, and despite his shortness of breath it was rather bright. He put a hand on Hibiki’s neck, while his gaze drifted back and forth between his lips and eyes.

“Promise?”

Hibiki nodded immediately and held Tristan tighter as he caught on to what was desired from him. A very soft, careful kiss sealed the promise.