He cleared his throat, finally leaning closer even though he still didn’t dare to reach out. "The plum trees in the garden have blossomed. It’s a beautiful sight. Maybe you’d like to have a look with me?"

Duan Fang nodded and glanced over, a faint hope igniting his gaze, especially when he saw Li Hong this close. Watching the plum blossoms … this could either be a sight shared just by two gentlemen or an experience of two lovers admiring the beauty of nature, couldn’t it? Maybe … Just maybe it was the latter?

He got up and let one of the servants help him drape his cloak back over his shoulders. He glanced at Li Hong who was once again putting on that black cloak with the white fox fur, looking especially handsome. Duan Fang lowered his gaze and followed Li Hong to the door, walking with just a step between them.

His heart thumped loudly in his chest, making him worry that it might be loud enough for Li Hong to hear. Wouldn’t he give his thoughts away then? Ah, but maybe that wouldn’t be bad. Maybe if he did, Li Hong would take the next step. Maybe then, he would have the chance to marry him.

They reached the door to the garden and Li Hong slowed his steps, motioning at the ground. "Careful, it’s … it’s frozen. Make sure you don’t slip."

"Mn." Duan Fang smiled sweetly, his heart feeling lighter. Li Hong did care about him, didn’t he? Otherwise, why would he remind him? It was just … was this the feeling one held for a friend or …?

The two stepped outside and Duan Fang looked up at the plum trees, halting in his steps. The crimson blossoms painted a vivid picture among the snow-covered branches. Swaying in the wind with the white snowflakes drifting by, one of them landing on the small petals every now and then, a speck of white on the otherwise brilliant red color …

"It’s magnificent, isn’t it?"

Duan Fang nodded, unable to speak up. Yes, it was magnificent. Looking at them, his heart calmed down, making his gaze soften. Ah, if only he could be like these trees: Their branches swaying in the wind like that, a silent beauty to behold, never parting from that place he had grown from, thriving in that very same spot. Despite the coldness of the world outside. Despite the snow falling so heavily. He would just be there, continuing to live his life like he always had. A sight worth remembering.

Li Hong watched his entranced expression, his own gaze growing gentler as well. He stepped further into the garden, hands clasped behind his back, eyes trained on the blooming trees around them. Soon enough, spring would come. By then, maybe they could sit outside, painting or doing calligraphy, speaking over a cup of tea or wine …

Duan Fang broke free from the sight of the plum trees and hurried after Li Hong, strolling with him through the garden, the distance between them neither widening nor decreasing while the snow on their shoulders accumulated and the worries inside their hearts grew.

Finally, Li Hong stopped below one of the plum trees. He brushed the snow from his shoulders and turned to Duan Fang, his gaze subtle. If he still didn’t say anything, then things might turn even worse from now on. He didn’t want to let that happen. "I’ve always liked plum blossoms. Such a beautiful sight that can even be admired in the cold season. It is a special kind of happiness, wouldn’t you say so?"

Duan Fang nodded. "Young Master Li said that well."

"I sometimes think that flowers must be like the relationships of people. There are some that will show themselves all year round but when the hard times approach, they will be nowhere to be seen. Then there will be people … that you don’t see all the time but when you do, they manage to warm your heart and they will be there when you need somebody to give you strength."

Duan Fang looked at him, his lips parting slightly. In Li Hong’s mind … was he just a pretty flower on a summer day or the plum blossom he could admire in winter?

"Duan Fang, I might be too direct with saying this but from the moment we first met, I always thought of you as the kind of person that would be worthy to admire regardless of how the winds changed. I have felt much joy meeting with you over the past few months. Today, I can’t help but notice that you seem absentminded. I apologize for being this frank but I can’t put the worry in my heart to rest if I don’t ask. Did I say something to displease you?"

Duan Fang turned to the side and kept his gaze trained on the plum blossoms, thoughts swirling through his head like the snowflakes being blown about in the cold winter wind. Should he be as direct as Li Hong and ask about his feelings and their possible future? Then his troubles could be laid to rest once and for all. Whatever the result, he would at least know. Whether it would make his heart twist in agony or jump in happiness, at least, he would know.

Li Hong’s gaze darkened when he didn’t get a response. "I am not looking down on you or your family if that is what you think. Your grandfather is an admirable man for standing up for his beliefs even in a situation where he knows he’ll displease many powerful people. For you to detach yourself from the situation of the capital, I also think that is the right choice to make. Others might label you a coward but I am of the firm opinion that it takes a different kind of strength to refute your true calling to keep your family safe. In another life, you would have been an admired scholar. You certainly deserve to be."

Duan Fang smiled lightly. An admired scholar? He liked to hear that but it wasn’t what made him restless. "Thank you for your kind words, Young Master Li. I am afraid you are praising me too much. I would love to aspire to become a scholar but I guess I am not gifted enough or else my family’s circumstances wouldn’t hold me back. To be honest, that isn’t what I worried about. Neither did anything you did ever displease me." No, although he couldn’t help but question his words every now and then, wondering whether he meant what he said or if there was something hidden in those words, that was merely his fear of disappointing Li Hong. It had never been Li Hong’s fault.

"Then what is it? And what can I do to lift that worry from your shoulders?" Li Hong shifted closer, half of a mind to reach out and grab his hand. He held back though. He didn’t want to give the wrong impression.

Duan Fang reached up and touched the delicate blossoms above his head. "What Young Master Li said about people being like flowers rings true. My grandfather always struck me to be like a tall tree but as they say: A tall tree attracts wind. Sometimes that wind is too strong and the tree won’t be able to take it. Or sometimes the tree will persist but it’ll still wither with time and then another tree might have to be the one to protect the plants below its branches from the wind.

"It’s just that … this tree and that tree will be different. Although they are the same kind of tree, they have grown differently so the plants thriving in their shade will be exposed to the elements in another manner now."

Li Hong’s lips tightened. Was Duan Fang’s father trying to force him on a way he didn’t want to go? Duan Fang was a filial child. He wouldn’t go against his father’s wishes even if he didn’t agree with them. He wanted to ask just what it was but Duan Fang had spoken in such a roundabout way … Would it be too intrusive if he asked?

He took in how Duan Fang lowered his hand and looked at the blossoms vacantly. He seemed desolate. Nothing like his usual self. It was a look that didn’t suit him. No, this person should always be able to be happy. He didn’t want him to be weighed down by worries. If there was anything he could do to dissolve his troubles, he would do so. "May I ask … what it is that you have encountered?"

Duan Fang finally turned to Li Hong, examining the handsome face. If he was in any position to do so, he would have asked him now. Unfortunately, the one who had to decide wasn’t him but Li Hong. He could at most prompt him and hope for the best. "Young Master Li, I am afraid that … this might be the last time we see each other."

Li Hong’s eyes widened and this time, he couldn’t hold back. He stepped closer and grabbed Duan Fang’s shoulders, not caring about the snow chilling his skin and soaking his sleeves. "Duan Fang, don’t say such things! Just what is your father requesting of you?" He wouldn’t be sending him to the military to earn another kind of merit, would he? No, that couldn’t be. His father had to know that there would be no way for Duan Fang to return alive. He had never learned to fight, never learned to withstand the drill of the army. Even if he managed to make it out alive, he would be battered and broken.

Duan Fang sighed. "There aren’t many flowers blooming around that tree. There might be some trees extending a branch to shelter a pretty flower though." He gave a self-deprecating smile and turned away, brushing Li Hong’s hands off in the process. He just … couldn’t take his touch when he had to say these words. "My father wants me to get married. I’m just afraid … whoever my husband will end up being, he might not like me going to see another man. So …" He raised his face to the sky, blinking back tears.

He had hoped. Against all odds, he had hoped that Li Hong would bring it up today, that maybe it had been enough time for him to consider. But it seemed he had been wrong. On his own accord, Li Hong wouldn’t ask him. So now was the last chance. If Li Hong still didn’t ask after he said it so blatantly …

Li Hong looked at the other person in silence. Marriage … Yes, he should have expected this. Duan Fang was at that age. And even if none of the influential families would dare to send their daughters to marry into a family that was on the decline such as the Duan family, some men might not have as many inhibitions. After all, just Duan Fang being a man would make it impossible for him to be somebody’s first wife. He would get nothing more than the status of a concubine or, if he was lucky, that of a consort. That wouldn’t anger those in power too much.

It was unfair to Duan Fang but still beneficial to his family. Even if they couldn’t reach their peak state again, they might at least recover slightly, allowing them to hold on longer, giving them a chance to one day thrive again. Naturally, Duan Fang wouldn’t reject if an offer was made regardless of how he felt about it in his heart.

Duan Fang sighed. Still nothing, huh? It seemed he could only give up on his hopes. Anything else would be delusional.

Li Hong didn’t dare to look at Duan Fang and missed his pained expression. His own heart twisted in agony at the thought of never seeing this person again. Duan Fang shouldn’t be confined in some back courtyard. He should be allowed to follow his aspirations, to show his brilliance to the world. Li Hong gulped and then forced himself to smile. "Then … do you already know who …?"

Duan Fang faced away and shook his head. "No, not yet. There … have been a few offers but my father hasn’t decided yet."

"I see." Li Hong clenched his fists. "But you should know who made an offer, right? Are they … are they decent men? Do you have a … preference for whom you’d like to marry?"

Duan Fang gave a humorless smile in return and glanced at Li Hong. His preference … He had one but the person hadn’t asked and likely never would. He couldn’t even say if Li Hong would ever regret this or if he had just thought too much of their relationship. Maybe all of this had been one-sided from the beginning. "I’ll leave it to my father. He will do what’s best for the Duan family. I can’t ask for more than that."

Li Hong nodded, his heart sinking further. "I guess so."

The two of them fell quiet, neither of them daring to look at the other person. Instead, they gazed at the blood-red plum blossoms, time slowly trickling by.

Finally, evening arrived. Duan Fang sighed and turned to Li Hong, taking a long look at the face of the man he loved. This would be the last time they saw each other. Since Li Hong wasn’t willing to make an offer of his own he could only bid these sentiments goodbye and bury them at the bottom of his heart. From now on, he had to be open to something else. He would have to think on behalf of his husband from now on even if he was unable to fall in love with whoever that would be. That was just how life was.

"Duan Fang …" Li Hong looked back at him, his gaze growing even more complicated. He didn’t want to lose him but he didn’t want to drag him down either. What should he do? He had thought about it since the moment Duan Fang mentioned that he had to get married but he couldn’t decide.

If he asked whether he could imagine to marry him but Duan Fang wasn’t willing after he told him everything … then even if his husband allowed him to go out later on, wouldn’t their relationship worsen or even break apart? But if Duan Fang married somebody else and his husband locked him up in the back courtyard, then everything was for naught and he would regret it for a lifetime. They wouldn’t be able to see each other either. Then where would be the difference?

His own guilty conscience, his own regrets, a life worse than death for Duan Fang. Could he allow himself to let that happen? Just because he felt insecure and doubted his chances? If he didn’t take a risk, then how would he know?

Li Hong glanced at the ground and took a deep breath. He couldn’t foresee the future. He didn’t have time to ponder any longer either. If he didn’t speak up now, then he might lose this person forever.