I sat there thinking back as I thought over the things I said and took a breath, “I wanted to treasure it because I was already broken before meeting him and I took that risk to follow him.” I explained. “I guess I was reckless.”

Elliot looked down and rubbed the back of his neck, “I don't think I know how it feels towards someone like that…” he said. “I never felt that way to anyone so I don't know what to say, but you have to move on from the past. What happened to you is something that doesn’t need to be repeated again. It's fine if you want to have that sort of feeling with someone else, but to have a partner disrespect you and to think it's okay when it's not.”

I turned away from him to wipe my face and took a deep breath. “I know... That's why I'm scared to trust people... I trusted someone heartedly and this is how I wound up.” I said.

“It only means you're human. Not many people go through something like that and you're just trying to regain yourself. Be more confident.” he said.

I rolled my eyes, “You always make it sound so easy.” I said.

He shrugs his shoulders, “It's not, but sometimes you just have to.” he said. “And I meant it and also what I said last night. You've been going to classes just fine, going to tutoring and it just seems like you need more confidence in yourself.”

I looked down again; I'm not used to hearing compliments. “It's not always easy…” I said with a sigh. “I mean, it is, but I've just been having a hard time dealing with…”

“With?”

“David... It's David and just trying to deal with everything else.” I said, feeling embarrassed.

“David's bullying you?” he asked.

“No... Yes? I'm not sure. He doesn't say anything to me, but he tries to bump into me or sometimes knock my books over.” I tell him. "He makes me uncomfortable.”

“I'll talk to him,” he said.

I turned to him, “Don't.”

“Why not? If he's bullying you then you have to say something, Michael,” he said with a stern look like he wasn't going to let this go.

I sighed, “Okay.” I said.

It got quiet between us and I didn't feel like talking about the past anymore. I didn't want to think about everything and having to remember those emotions that I dealt with. It was bad of me to remember Chris in such a romantic way and I shouldn't have. How could I when I end up like this while nothing happened to him? He's not dealing with the damage he created and is moving on with his life being able to pretend that he did nothing wrong. It also wasn't just him, but all the other people that were involved when I was young. I must have been lost in my thoughts because I didn't notice Elliot calling me until he reached out to grab my arm getting my attention, but I instantly pulled my arm away out of reaction.

“Sorry…” I said, a little embarrassed by my action.

“It's okay…” he said as he paused at what he wanted to say. “How about we go out? Let's go do something.”

I sighed and thought about it for a second before nodding. “Okay. And go where?” I asked.

“It doesn’t matter.” He answered and pulled me out of the couch. “Go shower or change. We can buy lunch since you haven’t eaten.”

I went to my room grabbing a pair of jeans and a blue shirt then made my way to go shower hoping that would freshen me up. I took my time since I still wasn’t in the proper mood and remembering about the past made me recall a few things that I push away so hard that I tried to forget. I sighed heavily as I stood there after getting dressed then reached for my jacket and stepped out of the room once I was completely ready. Elliot turned off the television and we both made our way out towards his car after I made sure I locked the door behind me. I got inside his car and we sat there quietly as he started driving, but luckily it wasn’t that uncomfortable silence between us now.

“So, is there a place you want to go?” He asked me.

“No,” I answered.

“Are you hungry?” He asked.

I shook my head. “No. Not right now.” I answered.

“How about we go to the movies? I know you like watching movies.” He asked.

I thought about it and shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t mind,” I answered.

“Alright.” He said.

We drove off to the movie theater and we debated for a while on what movie to watch until we agreed on one. He stepped aside to buy some popcorn and drinks for us then made our way to find our seats. When we sat down it occurred to me that Elliot always picks places that I enjoyed, but what if he didn't want to be here and he's only doing this for me. I glanced over at him and tried to sit back comfortably as we both watched the previews until the movie started. We watched the movie quietly until it was over and we made our way out. We talked about the movie as we threw our trash away and slowly walked back to his car.

“Hungry? Where should we go?” he asked.

“I'm not hungry yet. The popcorn kind of filled me... Let's go somewhere you want to.” I asked him. "You pick this time.”

“Yeah?”

I nod as I sat inside the car once unlocked and I put on my seatbelt. “You should pick this time because I don't know what you like to do,” I said.

“Well, I don’t really go out often, but there is a place that I do like going to,” he said as he started driving

We were heading in a new direction than we have ever gone before and I was curious as to where we were going. I tried not to show how nervous I am to him because this was my suggestion and I was curious about the things he likes. He finally went to a parking lot and I saw we came to a mall; I wasn't too sure what we were going to do here. I still wasn't used to being in crowded places, but I had to remind myself that there was nothing for me to worry about and that I can handle it. He parked the car and we both got out to make our way inside. I followed Elliot as I looked around and noticed that there weren’t a lot of people around.

As we were walking, I looked around at the stores since I've never been to this mall before trying to see what they have when we walked up to a bookstore and I followed him inside. Elliot seemed to know where to go and we walked past aisles until he turned to the left side to look at the educational section. I looked around seeing that the store was quite big and had more than books; like DVDs, collectible items, action figures, used computers, instruments, and so on. I slowly walked away to see what else was around and saw Elliot looking curiously at the books before turning to me.

“You can look around if you want. I'll be here,” he said.

I nodded and began to explore the store, but I made sure that I was close to him. I was curious about what I'll find and saw a few records on the side of the store then saw the section for video games. I looked around wondering what they had as I came across the science fiction novels and picked out two that caught my attention. I felt like I was gone for more than fifteen minutes and made my way back to see Elliot still looking over at the books; he has three books already in his hands. I walked over to see what type of educational books he was looking at and saw that they were all psychology. I kind of hesitated as I looked at the books and reached out to grab one of them.

"Have you ever bothered reading these books?" he asked me.

"No, not really. I don't want to read books that remind me of how sick I am." I tell him.

"But they can be very educational. Like this one, it's a workbook with exercises and some meditation techniques," he said as he pulled out a book and handed it to me.

I looked at the cover before handing it back. "No," I answered shortly.

Elliot looked at me before putting the book in his pile. "There's nothing to be afraid of by learning something that can make you better," he said as he turned back to look at the shelf again. “Didn't you say that you wanted to get better? If you're not going to see a therapist right away then read a book.”

I didn't say anything as I stood there before sighing and reached out for the workbook, “Fine,” I said.

Elliot smiled as he continued to browse through the books making ourselves comfortable as I went over the book and he still adds more books to the pile.

“Sometimes I doubt myself if I have haphephobia. Like, I really don't like being touched and it does make me sick if it's too much, but then I feel like it's just what comes when having panic attacks. There is also my depression and anxiety....” I said quietly for us to hear. “Like it's just so much that it makes me feel like I’m just a label to all these disorders.”

Elliot thought about this for a second before turning to me, “Have you thought about it being some sort of depression if it’s not haphephobia? Like maybe, major depression? I've done some research and your condition pretty much match up with it.” he said as he pulled out a book from the shelf and started looking through the pages. “You did say that they gave you anti-depressants, right?”

I didn't say anything at first as I looked through the pages trying to understand what was written on it before glancing over at him. "I guess," I mumbled.

Elliot looked up at me and slowly reached to grab my arm, “It's just a theory. I'm not saying that that's exactly what you have, but it's just something that you can relate to.” he said and showed me a page from his book. “So, most people with major depression have conditions that can be identified from the 5 things listed: feeling sad or irritable most days, less interested in most activities you once enjoyed, lose or gain weight from a change of appetite, trouble sleeping or wanting to sleep more, feeling of restlessness, unusually tired, feeling worthless or guilty, difficulty concentrating, and lastly thinking of harming yourself or committing suicide.”

I didn't say anything as I listened and I didn't know what to say because a lot on that list is what I can relate to. Mostly all of it that I can say happened to me countless times.

“Michael.”

I turned to look at him. “Yeah... Maybe that's what it is.” I said seeing that Elliot looked concerned.

“Michael, don't think too much about it. Yes, that's a lot that is on there, but this also means that you could be right. Maybe you don't have haphephobia, but depression is also a concerning disorder.” he said. “You should see your doctor just to make sure,” he said.

I sighed as I looked at the book before nodding, “It’s not like I’m hiding about my depression, but I didn’t know it’s under the category of major depression.” I said quietly. “I just never got used to doctors, but I’ll look into that.”