Morning came and I slowly got up to put on my clothes, but I was still too scared to step out of my room. I can feel my heart pounding at the thought of going to school and having to face all those kids again. Can't I just stay home? No, dad won't let me. I finally stepped out of my room and walked over to the bathroom to wash then grabbed my backpack to leave it by the front door. I saw my dad in the kitchen drinking his cup of coffee while looking at his cell phone and I just walked over to grab a cup of milk hoping that would help soothe me. He didn't say anything to me and I wasn't too sure if he was pretending not to see me.

“You ready?” he asked, breaking the silence.

“Yeah,” I said quietly as I put the cup in the sink.

I followed him outside to the car and once again I took a seat in the back. I still couldn't bring myself to look at him or even sit beside him after all that happened. The ride to school was quiet as well and after he dropped me off; all he said was that he was expecting me to be ready to pick me up when school was over. I walked over to my classroom and of course, almost everyone in my class was watching me. I quietly walked over to my desk and sat down trying to avoid anyone who was staring at me. I was about to pull out my book when three boys from my class walked up to my desk and I froze unsure of what to do.

“Hey, cry-baby, I heard you got Kevin suspended cause you were being a cry-baby.” one of the boys said and the others laughed.

“So that must be true that you like boys, huh?” the other one said.

I turned up to them. “No,” I said quickly.

“That's so nasty. I heard gays die faster just by kissing each other.”

“Don't touch him. You don't know what will happen if you do.” another boy said and I can hear someone behind me laughing.

“You're going to turn gay just by touching him.”

“Wait, we should be careful or he'll start crying again.”

A few of the kids laughed, “You should be careful or he'll call his dad and try to suspend us too.”

“Just leave me alone,” I mumbled.

I looked down trying to tune them out and I clutched my arm feeling my nails digging into my skin as I tried hard to not let them get to me. I wanted to cry. I wanted to yell at them to be quiet, but I didn't want the principal to call me to the office again and I don't want to hear dad say that I brought this on to myself. It wasn’t like I wanted this to happen. The kids continued to laugh until the teacher finally came and everyone started walking over to their desk pretending as if nothing happened. I wanted to go home. I just wanted to just stay in my bed and not come out again. During the entire day, I kept to myself and I ended up skipping lunch as well by hiding away in the bathroom then I met dad at the same spot after school. We barely talked, I barely touched my food when we had dinner, and I locked myself away in my room. I just wanted to hide away and I didn't know how else to feel after everything that happened.

What was I supposed to feel after my dad didn't accept me after coming out and the kids at school taunt me? The past couple of weeks nothing changed after that event. I kept my distance from dad and we didn't talk as much as we used to. The kids still joked around me and some even refused to be partners with me in class project, afraid that I'll turn them gay by touching anything we shared. Everything I touched they end up throwing away or refusing to touch again and it only made me wonder if I’m toxic. I didn't know that I would end up without friends towards the end of the school year and the kids who were teasing me started to completely ignore me.

By the end of the school year, I spent most of my time looking for my backpack because the kids were grabbing it when I wasn’t looking and hiding it away. One day, I looked around the room until I noticed a few kids laughing while they walked away from the restroom and I went to look to find it in one of the toilet stalls. I carefully took it out and it was already starting to smell from the water. How was I going to explain this to dad? Maybe he wouldn’t care about this too. I had to walk home today and I carried my backpack in my hand and once home I put it in the restroom sink trying to wash it before dad comes home from work. I went over to the computer after I was finally allowed to use it again and it’s been distracting me when I’m home alone, but I wasn't allowed to use any more social media sites now. I didn't care for them anymore and I stopped talking to people.

During summer vacation, I had to take summer courses since I failed two of my classes and dad had me go walking saying I can be more independent on my own now. A few of the boys from school were also in summer school so I tried to avoid them as much as I could. It was hard since they were always waiting for me when they had the chance, but they became rougher and I had a hard time getting out of their hold. Once they pushed me against the locker and tried to put lipstick on me while calling me a girl. I don't know what happened, but soon after that, I threw up when they left me alone and I didn’t want anyone to touch me anymore. It was like fire every time I felt their fingers touching my skin and it was hurting me even if you couldn’t see it. Dad noticed, but he didn't say anything. Maybe it was just too late to do something since I was already a mess. The only time he asked how I was when he saw me come home, half my shirt wet after they spilled milk over me during lunch, and I went straight to the restroom.

“Michael, has everything been okay?” he asked, knocking on the door.

“I'm fine,” I said as I leaned against the sink and tried to take deep breaths trying to control my emotions.

“Look, I'm worried. You haven't been eating much these days and you're always in your room,” he said.

I opened the door, “You're worried? Now you're worried after I've been dealing with these kids bullying me. You said I have to suck it up just because they want to call me gay.” I said, slowly starting to raise my voice. “I'm trying to deal with it, okay? I tried hard so you wouldn't be called in and humiliated again.”

My dad sighed heavily. “I didn't mean it like that,” he said.

“Yes, you did. You were embarrassed because of me.” I said and tried to move past him.

“I'm not. Michael, look, I'm sorry,” he said following behind me.

I tried to close the door, but my dad grabbed it and tried to make his way inside. I was already mad and I just wanted to cry alone in my room; just wanting to hide from everyone. Today had been so bad and I felt like I was safer in my room where there was no one taking my things or hurting me; I didn't have them pushing me to the ground where I bruised myself from the fall or people grabbing at me trying to scare me. I took a couple of steps back away from him and I just broke down in front of him because now I think that he’ll hurt me too.

“I can't. I don't want to go back there. I don't want to go to school anymore.” I said between tears. “All they do is hurt me and I'm scared to go. I get scared of going to school that I always end up throwing up and I can't eat.”

My dad didn't say anything as he listened and he slowly reached out to try to hold me, but I pushed him away. “Please, Michael. Calm down,” he said as he finally grabbed my arm to hold me still. “I'm sorry. I didn't know... I didn't know…”

“I don't want to go back there. I don't want to go to school. Can't I just stay home?” I asked him.

“You're going to have to go back. You can't just stop going to school,” he said as he watched me. “How about we just change to another school? Wouldn't that be better?”

I shrug my shoulder; I don't know if that would help or maybe it would be better.

“Michael, I was harsh, but I didn`t mean for it to come out like that. I was surprised and I didn't think about how you felt... If your gay then you're gay. I didn’t know what I said would affect you that way,” he tells me. “But if they are bullying you then you have to tell me. You can't handle something like that alone.”

I didn't say anything and I didn`t know how to respond to that or anything that he said.

“You should go wash up and let's order pizza or whatever you want. We can talk about it or not and afterward we can see you transferring before the new school year starts,” he tells me.

“Okay,” I said as I turned to him and reached over to hug my dad.

I spent the rest of the summer staying home after my summer course was done, I was able to pass the classes, and my dad tried to work with my transfer. Apparently, because of the event that happened and not having evidence or witnesses to the bullying, they weren’t able to do anything about it. I tried to give them a list of the kids, but they were denying the whole event, and being more involved it counted as their word over my own. Dad was furious and continued on the process of my transfer. I realized that I couldn't go back to being the person I was before. There were things that I couldn’t find funny anymore, I didn’t have friends to joke around with anymore, and most of my days I spent it sleeping.

Dad wanted to hope that things would be a lot better between us and, honestly, he was the only person I wanted to try hard for since there was nothing else for me. I knew the bullying wouldn't stop right away at this new school I was going to, but maybe it was just my thoughts already getting the better of me and couldn’t look into the bright side. By the time I was allowed to transfer, I had a hard time socializing with people, I was never involved in any sort of interactions in class, and my dad barely noticed the change within me since I didn't want him to worry about me. My dad apologized for the words he said, but I couldn't shake off his words because they were already engraved in my head and constantly being reminded of it. I felt like he had meant it when he said that I had to deal with it myself and that made it so difficult to speak out loud about it.

How could I? What was I supposed to do?

I was able to go to the school in the next city over and it wasn't so difficult to adjust to for a while, but I was nervous every time I had to talk with the other kids in the class. I spent most of my lunchtime in the classroom, the teacher allowed me to stay, and right after my class, I went straight home. Dad asked every day how school was going and I was honest enough to say that it was peaceful; peaceful that I was finally left alone. After getting through my first semester I was sitting in my new classroom as the spring semester started for my eighth grade year and I would continue to spend my time in the classroom during lunch. I was about to pull out my textbook from my new desk when I noticed my desk partner beside me had stayed behind to sleep. I couldn't help glance over at him since he would always cover himself with his hoodie between classes and I noticed that he was always playing basketball after school in the courtyard. He was taller than me, far muscular then I would ever be, and right now he looked softer than the usual attitude expression that I've seen around the other people he hangs with.

“You know it's rude to stare,” he mumbled.

I blushed, turning away and for a second I was scared about what he'll do to me since this is the first time he’s ever spoken to me. “Sorry,” I said as I looked down at my book.

“It's fine. Keep on looking if you think I'm gorgeous,” he said as he moved closer but still kept himself propped as if he's sleeping.

I couldn't help but smile, “Don't be so full of yourself.” I said.

“Oh, come on, I've been told by a few people that I’m good looking. You don't have to lie to me,” he said.

I tried to focus on looking at my book and I didn't know what to say.

He opened his eyes when he noticed that I didn't respond back and sat up, “What's your name again?” he asked.

“Michael,” I said.

He nods, “I'm Chris.” he said introducing himself then slowly got up to stretch his arm. “Come on, let's go get drinks before the bell rings.”

I was honestly scared to go with him because I was afraid that he would be like everyone else that had tormented me and he was just trying to lure me out away from the teacher. He would wound up being my new bully and I wasn't sure I could handle that again. I can't go back to how I was and I hardly know Chris to just follow along beside him, but I wanted to. I guess I'll follow and who knows maybe things will get a little easier. I was hoping for a new change by coming to this school and that it would make me feel better.

I waited for a second before slowly getting up, "Alright." I said taking this chance.