I finally made it to school with a good ten minutes to spare so I went over to the library to drop off the books that I checked out and made my way upstairs towards my first-period class. When I walked into the room I didn't see Elliot so I walked over to my desk and waited for Jennifer to come to sit beside me. A lot of the people in the class have gotten used to the seating around me and they hardly ever spoke a word to me unless we're passing around worksheets or asking small questions. I pulled out my notebook for the class and was trying to figure out what to say to Elliot when I saw him later on in the day, but I couldn't think of what I wanted to say to him or what to explain. Was there anything for me to say? Do I owe him an explanation?

Elliot came in, instantly turned to look over at me, but I kept my head down and pretended I was writing in my notebook. He was about to make his way over when the bell rang and he stopped to go over to his seat by the teacher’s desk. After seeing his concerning reaction, I began to feel like it was a mistake to have gotten so close to Elliot and sharing the things I did after seeing his concerning reaction. I should have never let myself get close to anyone; let alone open up so freely like that. I had to take a deep breath now feeling angry and I knew that I had to control my emotions. My leg began to shake up and down as I slowly focused on my work and I wasn't sure if I should be angry or anxious, but it was starting to suffocate me.

I kept my head down during class until the bell finally rang and I quickly put my things in my backpack so I could quickly leave the classroom. I went to the closest restroom and went into one of the stalls when I heard a knock on the door a minute after. Of course, Elliot had followed me and I honestly didn't want to talk to him just yet. Not right now when I'm feeling anxious because I can’t tell why I’m feeling like this and it’s starting to hurt my chest. Or is it anxiety for having to let my mind wander and coming up with so many conclusions?

“Michael, are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, I'm fine,” I answered and turned to have my back against the door.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” I answered quickly. “Just leave me alone for a bit. The bell is going to ring.”

“And you?” he asked.

“I'll go in a bit.”

It was silent for a long second until I heard him walking away hearing the door closed behind him and I sighed heavily before closing my eyes. At this moment I didn't care if I was going to get detention for being late or had to stay after school. I just wanted to be alone to get more control of myself. I needed to be alone. This anxious feeling was getting to me that I hunched down to rest my head against my knees continuing to take deep breaths hoping to calm my nerves. I was experiencing that sensation as if the room is closing in, the warmth of your body is just getting warmer and warmer than you’re feeling the sweat on the back of your neck and the tight feeling in the pit of your stomach. I couldn't take it.

I hate it because I’ve been feeling like this since I woke up and it’s been escalating, through the whole morning to be alone hoping that the feeling would ease. I leaned over the toilet to vomit and not a lot came out, but I know it was so little because this was more of a mental reaction than a physical one. It came to a point that I was just throwing up stomach acid. I grabbed some toilet paper to wipe my mouth as I tried to catch my breath and hoped that my stomach could finally settle down now. After putting down the seat cover and flushing the toilet I sat down trying hard to not feel that small burning feeling lingering in my throat because that I hate getting the feeling after vomiting. I played with the rubber band on my wrist to distract myself, but I think my nerves weren’t going to stop and got to the point where I’ve given up hope on being alone. I needed someone to help me. I heard the notification of my phone ring and I reached over to see that Elliot had sent me a message asking if I had returned to my class.

I closed the screen, not responding back, and put my phone away unsure if I should tell him, but I knew that it was better for me to go to the nurse's office so they could deal with me. And yet I couldn't bring myself to leave. I'm just pathetic and useless. Like why am I feeling like this for? For what? All I do is bother people. I finally decided to reach for my phone and messaged Elliot back then put my phone down. I silently looked down at my feet a little lost in my thoughts that I barely heard the knocking at my door. It took me a second before I turned to open the door and I saw Elliot there with concern expressed that reminded me that I had asked for him to come.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

I shook my head; unsure how to explain to him.

“Let's go to the nurse's office. You don't look well.” He said as he reached out, but I took a step back.

“Don't,” I mumbled. “I’m not ready yet.”

He lowered his hands before taking a step back, “What happened?” he asked.

I covered my face as I tried to find the words before turning to him. “I’m just so fed up right now,” I said.

“With what?”

“Everything. Just everything.” I said, raising my voice a bit and I turned away from him.

Elliot stood quiet before leaning against the door, “Was this about what we talked about yesterday?” he asked.

I didn't look at him and it took me a second to answer, “It wasn't exactly yesterday. All the things that have happened and how everything turned out to be.” I tried to explain. “What's the point of it all? What am I even doing at this point…”

Elliot looked at me as if he didn't know what to say. “Well…”

“You should go,” I said, cutting him off. “Just go back. I'm sorry I had made you come over. I shouldn't have messaged you.”

“I'm not going to leave you alone. Not right now. Where you are right now, in your life, is you trying to fix it and figure out what you want to make out of it.” He said as if he finally got his thoughts together. “You're depressed right now so maybe you won't believe my words, but you can make this better if you give it more time. Just give things a chance again and be patient.”

I glanced over at him then I turned my head away, “I don't want to hear your godly wisdom.” I said.

“Okay, you don't have to listen to it, but I won’t leave you alone.”

“Why? Worried that I'll do something?” I said before thinking about the words I was saying.

“You won't do anything.”

I chuckled softly at his answer and shook my head. “You're that confident,” I mumbled.

It grew silent between us and I realized the things that I was saying when Elliot said quietly, “Michael…”

“I know… I didn’t mean that.” I said shaking my head as I finally stepped out of the stall. “Let's go to the nurse’s office.”

I walked over to the sink to wash my face and mouth first then stepped out into the empty hallway. He walked me downstairs to the first floor and headed towards the nurse's office to see it empty. I moved to sit on the bed while Elliot stepped out to check to see if the nurse was at the main office. I laid back and closed my eyes as I tried to relax. All I felt was my body feeling sore, the small pain on my throat, and I just wanted to go to sleep right now. I want the day to end already. To forget about it and I honestly just want to sleep the rest of tomorrow as well; just wanting the days to pass. I heard the door open so I sat up to see Elliot coming back in and grabbed a chair to sit beside me.

“She's coming,” he said. “Are you feeling a little better?”

I shrug my shoulder. “I don't know... Maybe.” I said as I took a deep breath. “I just want to leave already.”

“Well, give yourself time. Look, I can't stay since I'm supposed to be on a bathroom break and I need to go back to class.” He said, giving a hesitant expression like he didn’t want to leave me alone.

“Right. Sorry about that.” I said.

“It's fine. I'm just glad that you reached out to me... I know maybe I didn't do much…” he said as he rubbed the back of his neck looking a little awkward.

“You did help. I know I said I shouldn't have messaged you, but I'm just glad you came and I wasn't by myself.” I said before I turned away. “I'll just text you later on.”

Elliot nodded as he watched me for a second before getting up to walk out of the room and I stayed there sitting back against the wall waited for about three minutes until the nurse finally came. I explained to her, with some details of the event, and she soon made a phone call on my emergency card seeing that I was fit to go home. My mom arrived after twenty minutes of passing and we walked quietly to the car unsure of what to say to each other. We got in the car and drove to the house when I noticed that she wasn't getting out of the car with me.

“You're going back to work?” I asked.

“Yeah, I only asked for a break. Are you going to be okay?” she asked.

I nod, “Yeah... I'm sorry about all that.” I said.

“It's okay, honey. We can talk more about it when I get back,” she said.