“Hey,” I said.

“Hi. Do you want to walk around the track? It seems like it'll be a free period for the gym today so everyone is just on their own.” he said.

“Where are the teachers?” I asked.

“They got called for an emergency meeting in the gym.”

“Alright,” I answered.

We both started walking around the track in silence and I slowly started to get annoyed with myself that I stopped walking. “Let's sit for a bit,” I asked.

We moved over to an empty spot on the field and I waited until we were both comfortable.

“I didn't mean to avoid you all day or seem like I was annoyed or any of that.” I started off.

“I know. It's fine.”

“You say it's fine, but I don't think it is. I'm sorry.” I said. “I think things have been getting to me and my mom suggested seeing a therapist. Maybe I should.”

“If you want to,” he said. “Maybe it can help you when you have days like today.”

I sighed as I rubbed the back of my neck. “I know, but I just don't feel comfortable talking about how things make me feel and having me reflect on the past,” I said.

“Wouldn't that be the purpose of it?” he asked.

“It is, but I hate being reminded of the past. I hate all that happened and I never want anything like that to happen again. It just makes me sick and I’m tired of being sick.” I said.

“Which is also fine.” Elliot cut me off as he reached out to grab my shoulder. “It's fine that you are remembering all that because it's about having to accept and grow from it. Accept that it happened, but to also remember that you didn't cause any of it.”

“It’s hard just trying to accept it because I try so hard to hide from it or push it aside like it never happened. It’s so hard to just have that all sink in.” I said and took a deep breath trying to control my emotions.

“I had to deal with something similar when my dad passed away. I know my mom blamed herself about his suicide and there were times when I blamed myself while also blaming her too.” He tells me. “It eats away and leaves you with so many difficult emotions.”

I didn't say anything as I understood what he meant and I turned to him after I gave myself a second to think of what to say. “And how did you deal with it?” I asked him.

“Just talked it out with my mom. Then my stepdad came to the picture and that was another difficult challenge too.” He said. “It's okay to have your off days, but also remember that you can't separate yourself from everyone because that will also eat you away. I'm sure you know that.”

I nod, “I know…”

He was quite right. He turned to me, “Feeling a little better?” he asks.

I ran my fingers over the top of my head before turning to him, “A bit.” I answered.

“That's good.” He said and looked around the field before turning to me. “Hey, do you need to go back home right away after school?”

I shook my head, “No.”

“How about we go somewhere?” he asked.

“Where?”

“Somewhere. Anywhere. It kind of doesn't matter.” he said and shrugged his shoulder. “You're in a funk so why not go somewhere to relieve whatever that's been stressing you out.”

“It's not always that easy to just stop feeling like this,” I said as I shook my head. “But, yeah, I don't mind going out."

“Cool. Well, after changing we'll head out,” he said.

After a couple of minutes, we returned back to the locker room to change once class was over then met up again outside. For a second I was having second thoughts about going out, but at the same time, I was curious to see where he would want to go. I sighed as I waited until he came out since I changed right away after going to my locker and we headed our way towards the parking lot. I paused for a second before getting in the car and we headed out once we were ready. I sat there listening to the soft music playing in the background and I looked out the window seeing the area we were passing by.

“Where exactly are we going?” I asked.

“The beach. Where we went to when we went out Saturday,” he answered.

I nod and sat back, "Alright.” I said.

“You don't want to go there? We can always go somewhere else if you want,” he said.

“No, no, it's fine. I don't mind going to the beach.” I said.

“Good because I wouldn't know any other place to go.” He said with a chuckle.

“Whatever happened to pizza and video games?”

“No, that's for another day.” He said.

I turned away to look out the window and I was able to see the ocean coming into view as we got closer. “It's actually a nice day to come,” I comment.

“Yeah, luckily this time I have a blanket in my trunk so we can use it and we can chill out there for a while,” he said as he came to a parking lot and started looking for an empty spot to park.

We got out of the car, leaving our school bags behind, and after grabbing the large blanket we started walking towards the oceanfront to find a nice spot to sit at. There were hardly any people around aside from a family, a couple of people running in the sand, and people already in the water. I sat down once we laid out the blanket and I stared at the water feeling the cool breeze hitting my face; actually tasting the salt in the air from the ocean. I let myself relax while Elliot took off his jacket and moved to lay on the blanket. I felt myself relax as I watched the water rising and crashing into each other making it feel a bit mesmerized while I was also a bit lost in my thoughts.

“I'm going to visit my dad in two weeks and I haven't seen him since I decided to live with my mom,” I said quietly that I wasn't too sure if Elliot heard me.

He didn't say anything before I could hear him sitting up. “How long ago was that?” he asked.

“I haven't seen him for a year,” I answered. “I was in the hospital, I was still under his care and once I was released I decided to live with my mom.”

“Were you seeing your mom while living with your dad?”

“No. My mom divorced my dad because she wasn’t happy with their marriage and I had blamed her for leaving me with my dad so I tried to not see her for a while until she stopped asking to see me.” I answered.

“But you two seem close…”

“Now we are. It took time and she had to join me in my therapy sessions which is how we got closer because she had to know everything that happened,” I explained. “That led to her opening up and we just talked it all through and we came to an understanding between us. I like our relationship now and she tries to understand me.”

“That's good. When I saw her on your first day you can tell how much she cared,” he says. “She wanted details on what happened and was trying to advise us on what to do.”

I nod and said, “She can be serious about it all when I have my episodes.”

“And what about your dad?” he asked, curiously.

“He's actually not a bad person. He was a little too obsessed with his work once I started middle school and he thought I could take care of myself more. He cares and he tried to be more involved after I left the hospital, but mom wanted to have more time with me before I saw him again. I wasn’t ready to see him right away either.” I said.

He nods and we both look out to the water almost forgetting that we are at the beach.

“Well, it seems like both your parents are good people,” he said.

I nod before turning to him. “They are... They weren't the ones that made me like this if that’s what you were curious about.” I said as I can see Elliot wanted to say something, but I quickly stood up. "I'm going for a walk.”

I began to walk closer to the shoreline, watching the water reach my feet with each wave. I had to take a deep breath, feeling a bit anxious after our conversation. I made sure to take a long walk to shake off that feeling before making my way back. I paused a bit before walking back to our spot and sat down again. We were quiet for a bit before I sigh and lay back on the blanket. I tried to figure out what to say to break our silence, I looked at the sky before closing my eyes and ran my fingers over the top of my head, feeling the curls of my hair.

“I don't want to tell you,” I said finally. “I don't want to tell anyone about it. All that happened was terrible and I remember it almost every day. My parents didn't know about it until it sent me to the hospital and to see their faces afterward…”

“You don't have to tell me..." Elliot said turning to me.

I sighed as I knew more or less how this conversation was going to go ended and I glanced over at him. “Don't you ever think about all that happened with your dad and doesn’t it ever affect you?” I asked.

He squinted his brow as he thought about it before he shrugged his shoulders. “It did before, but not so much now. I was sensitive about it, of course, but I don't think it completely affects me daily,” he answered. “There were moments where I did doubt things and I would think that I couldn’t affect people's life with anything I say or do.”

“Afraid that history would repeat itself?” I asked.

“Yeah, but then again it took me a while to also realize that it wasn't my fault as well. I have to tell myself that people do things because of their own reasons and not because of me,” he said and turned to me. “Like when I'm with you, yes, I have that feeling because I don't know how you would react towards things I do or if your behavior might change because of what I say, but I also have to remind myself that it's not also my fault that you react this way. It’s just something that could trigger you from your own history and not by my behavior.”

I nod as I try to understand his reasons. “Yeah, I can see how that can be affecting,” I mumbled.

“That's why I'm sorry if I came off as too strong when we first met,” he said. “I have done that a few times to people and not realized that I shouldn’t come off pushy. I have to remind myself of that boundary.”

I didn't know what to say so I reached out to run my fingers over the sand. “Have you dated anyone? Did that make any difference as well?” I asked.

“Not so much.” He answered. “I'll be honest and say that I've gone out with a few girls, but none that I had deep feelings for. I don’t think I have met a person that can be open about like I have been with you. Maybe I felt I didn’t want to mess up the relationship by talking about my tragic story. And you?”

“There was one person before...” I mumbled.

“You miss her?” he asked.

I shook my head before answering. “I don’t and it’s not her, but him,” I tell him. “I’m gay.”

Elliot didn't say anything right away and I glanced over at him. “Alright,” he said, finally.

“Alright,” I repeated and I looked away.

“It doesn't bother me if you were worried to tell me,” he tells me.

“I wasn't.”

He smiled, “Okay.”

I turned to him again, “I really wasn't.” I said.

He chuckled, “I know.”

I rolled my eyes and turned away from him. “Shut up.”

“I'm sorry,” he said, still laughing, then he cleared his throat. “I mean, thank you for opening up to me and trusting me to know this about you.”

“Oh my god, you sound like my mom when I told her,” I said as I turned away from him. “Please shut up now.”

I heard Elliot laugh at my response before I felt his hand on my shoulder. “I'm only kidding. Come over here,” he said.

I sighed as I sat up and I looked over at him with a more serious expression. “This is the last time I open up to you,” I said.

“Oh, please, don't. I thought things were going so well. It's already our second date.”

I glared at him, “Now you're making fun of me?”

He smiled, “I’m not.”

I shook my head before laying down. “Whatever. It was a nice first date. For the most part.” I said.

“Hey, this is my first time with a guy so give me some credit,” he said before turning to me. “So you had a boyfriend?”

I paused for a bit before turning to him, “Yeah,” I answered. “I was only with one person and we were together for two years at most.”

“And now?” he asked.

“I'm not seeing anyone now. Not until I'm better honestly.” I answered and I still looked away from him. “I don't even know if I want to be in a relationship if my health is like this.”

“You shouldn't have something like this be stopping you if you have someone that you're interested in…” Elliot said.

I turn back to him before shrugging my shoulder. “I don't know. Maybe I'm just worried that they'll grow tired of me or tired of how I can get and I'm not too sure if I'm ready to be in a relationship.”

“I think a lot of people can never be too ready when finding a partner. There can be complications, but from what I learned it’s just a growing matter that you need to figure out together.” Elliot said. “I learned that from my parents.”

I nod and sighed softly, “I think I don't mind waiting for a bit longer before considering being in a real relationship with someone. I just want to focus on myself because if I'm not happy with myself then that would just make things hard for them." I said. “Don't you think?”

“Oh, yeah, I agree. Maybe that's why I was never serious either. But I'm sure, for you, you would rather be a lot more at ease with better health or better control of it." he said.