I watched Jade pick at her bland breakfast of plain shredded wheat with watered down milk. It was disgusting but was about all we had. Instead of buying groceries with her check, Jade’s mom had decided to blow her entire check on hunting gear she probably wasn’t even going to use. But one of her shitty friends had convinced her she needed this super expensive junk or else she’d be fucked this year.

The lack of food had set me on edge, and I was lowkey panicking. How were we going to make it through the week? Neither of us had money, and neither of us had anything of value to sell.

I pushed all that aside, though, to focus on Jade. This past week she’d been more withdrawn and had had horrible dark circles under her eyes. Several times I’d woken up in the middle of the night to find her pacing our tiny bedroom. More than once she’d scratched at her scarred wrists, but the marks always faded by morning.

It had to be about Brian, but I wasn’t sure. Like the great friend I wasn’t, I’d been so wrapped up in my anticipation over my first date with Joseph that I’d completely forgotten to ask her what was going on with her boyfriend. Now here she was, on the brink of some emotional disaster, when she wouldn’t be if I could stop thinking about myself for once.

Well, my selfishness ended today. If it took until midnight, I was going to get Jade to tell me what was going on. Hopefully talking about it would give her some clarity on the problem or at least a better peace of mind.

I sat down at the rinky-dink kitchen table. Jade gestured to the box of cereal, but I shook my head. I was beyond hungry, but I couldn’t bring myself to eat. My stomach was too upset over our no-food prospects and the upcoming conversation.

“Your date nice?” Jade asked around a mouthful of food.

I nodded. “Yeah, it was a great night.” Minus Violet’s unexpected arrival, but I wasn’t going to get into that.

“Good. Good.”

“So...” I swallowed hard and picked at the dry skin at the base of my left palm. “How have you been? We haven’t talked much this week.”

Jade shrugged and looked past me. “I’ve been.”

“What’s, uh, going on with Brian?”

I’d never been this direct when approaching the topic of Jade’s imprisoned boyfriend. I’d stopped bringing him up after he was arrested for beating Jade’s father to death after he discovered why she had three locks on her bedroom door. From what Jade had described, Brian had been acting in self-defense (her father had been the one threatening Brian’s life first), but her father had known a lot of the local judges, police officers, and such, so Brian hadn’t stood a chance. He’d gotten thirty years in prison, and his lawyer was sure he’d have to serve the whole sentence.

I was surprised Jade had held up as well as she had. If it were me, I would’ve had a huge meltdown by now that would have left me unable to be a functioning member of society. Jade hadn’t even fallen back into self-harm. Her grit was amazing, and I hoped one day to be as strong as her.

Jade sighed and shoved her half-eaten breakfast to the center of the table. She tipped her head back, but I caught her red-rimmed eyes. “He’s...not doing so well.”

“W-what’s happened?”

Tears trickled down Jade’s cheeks. “He’s on suicide watch.”

My mouth dropped open. Probably not the best response, but I honestly hadn’t expected that answer. Brian had always seemed tough as a rock, and that’s why I’d always thought he was a good fit for Jade. Nothing had seemed to faze him and at times he’d been the only solid thing in Jade’s life.

But could I blame him for feeling so desolate? One fit of well-intentioned rage had ruined his entire life. What kind of future could he have with murder hanging over his head? Only Brian’s mother and Jade wanted anything to do with him. The rest of his family had literally told him they wanted him to rot to death in his cell.

“Are they going to help with that?”

Jade snorted. “Sure. They really give a shit about him.”

Okay. So that was a truly stupid question, but I didn’t know what else to say. What could I comment that wasn’t ridiculous?

“I-I’m so sorry.”

Jade wiped away her tears but kept staring at the ceiling. “This will pass. I know it will. He’ll...Yeah.”

But what would become of her? Was she going to wait around for three decades for him? Brian was a great guy, and he’d acted so nobly, but thirty years was a long time to ‘be with someone’ yet only see them behind glass a few times a month. Jade was going to JCC to be a Spanish teacher, and she could move to numerous places a billion times better than Jamestown with that career. Would she throw away those opportunities for Brian? Was he worth that?

Now wasn’t the time to get into that, though. Jade was already dealing with so much guilt, asking any of my questions would just give her more, and I didn’t want her as close to the edge as Brian.

Without another word, I got up and went to Jade. She let me wrap my arms around her and didn’t bulk when I squeezed her tight. She didn’t hug back but did quietly sob into my shoulder.

As I held her, I made a silent promise to be a better friend to her. Sure, I had my issues, but Jade was in a worst spot. Sometimes, I feared I was all she had.