CHAPTER ONE—BLACK-TAILED GULLS

Even now, nobody had yet to find me

Even now, nobody had yet to find me. So, I clutched my knees, just like I did that day. Looking up at an azure sky from the sandy grounds of the seaside, I waited for the end of autumn.

It happened in a day like this. Seagulls chirped and the scent of the sea carried by the winds blew by my face. Long strands of ebony swayed in the corner of my eyes. Lifting my hands, I shielded my eyes from the strong rays of the sun. From a distance, murmurs from the crowd turned into eerie whizzing sounds that bothered my ears for years.

A day that seemed to be perfect for a hike in the mountains. The uncanny similarity of this moment reminded me of things that I dearly held in my chest. Slowly, as the breeze caressed the skin of my forearms, I closed my eyes. I imagined the waves appeared, flew, and picking my past as it vanished underneath the depths of the water; it dragged my head until my thoughts drowned and suffocated my lungs.

"Where did you get that bicycle?" A much more naïve and smaller version of myself asked Corey. He clutched the bike's handlebars with small and grubby hands. Winter approached as we head into town for his mother's warming hot chocolate. Cold winds caused our cheeks to blush.

"My dad bought it for me. I kept on nagging Mom about it the other day until he finally said to just give in to my demands." He grumbled. Bells hanging from the handlebars jingled and chimed. I nodded until an uneasy sensation spread in my stomach.

"You must love your dad then," Phil muttered from behind. I eagerly nodded at my friend. His brand-new shiny bicycle stood out than our rusted and old ones. However, I frowned as Corey halted. He stopped walking for a second and lowered his head, his hair hid his eyes from our sight.

"No, I don't like him. He would always make Mom cry." Corey whispered before lifting his head. A bright smile lit his face and revealed two missing front teeth. Despite the length of his lips, his blue eyes dimmed in contrast. Glancing at the shorter boy walking with a limp beside me, I had to look away. A big purple bruise formed on his left cheek. We knew better than further ask anything.

Silence enveloped us along the desolate street that we trudged on. With the sound of our feet and wheels of our bicycles being dragged on the rocky path, we resumed our way to warm our frozen fingers. We didn't talk to each other, but somehow, we understood. The last days of our vacation where we could spend time with each other approached and rode the clutches of winter.

"What will your family do in winter?" Phil asked.

"I-" I opened my mouth to answer only to be interrupted by the pitter-patter of the drizzling rain. We glanced between each other with bulging eyes. At the same time, I grinned. "Run!"

The shuffling of our feet drowned in the loud patters of the rain. Humid air clung to our skin as we rushed under a desolate station to take shelter from the rain. Corey was first, giggling as he yelled in glee. I followed second. Then, grumpy Phil came in third. The three of us watched as Danilo panted towards the station. His blonde hair soaked and matted to his forehead. Taking big gulps of air, he slumped on the vandalized walls of the station.

"You're always too fast for me." Phil crossed his arms in front of a remorseful Danilo. The four of us shared the same amount of soaked clothing and wetness. Under the roof, surrounded by the heavy rain, we formed a circle. Danilo voiced his worries and we would listen. It always ended up like this whenever we gathered, and he came in last. "I'm always left behind. I'm really no good. I'm sorry that I can't be a better friend. You should be-"

Somehow, between his sniffles and stutters, his statement made us burst into laughter. Danilo joined and laughed with teary eyes. We chatted about tomorrow and the day after that. Waiting for the rain to end, we laughed our heads off at silly things. As I looked at them, I noticed how Corey seemed to bury his face in his thick scarf. Phil kept on scratching his wrists as it itched. Danilo warily glanced occasionally at the distance like something would sprout out of nowhere.

A thought floated in my mind. "I want to go somewhere else and I don't want to be here." I murmured under my breath out of my friend's earshot. Then, I wondered if they meant the same. Standing on my toes, I gave a side-long glance at the wet street headed towards Corey's house. Rain fell on land, but the skies remained its light blue shade like nothing happened. I wondered if it was a sign. Droplets of rain thinly filled the surroundings and it wouldn't hurt anyone. It would only wet your head and shoulders.

"Let's go." I urged the three. They stopped their rambunctious laughter to look at me. The frame and handlebar of my bike snugged on both hands. I stepped outside of the shelter that the desolate station gave into the rain. Tiny drops of rainwater hit my skin. Closing my eyes, I inhaled the familiar smell of wet pavements soaked in rainwater. "I'm not sure about you, but I really want to have that promised hot chocolate now more than ever. If you want to stare, you can, but I'm heading out first."

"But it's raining," Danilo asked as expected. Corey waited for a conclusion to rise. Phil grabbed and dragged his own bicycle and followed my lead. We smiled at each other. The other two had no choice left but to follow us. "Fine, but I'm blaming you if Dad scolded me for having a cold."

"It's a race." Phil suddenly announced, climbing his bike before speeding down the inclined path. I gasped before following him. From behind, I head Corey calling our names attached with cheaters. "You cheat, Phil."

Our laughter echoed and the sound of the gears in our bikes drifted in the air. The wet soils created splashes of mud on our pedaling legs. We threw giggling and playful taunts at each other as we speed up. Just then, Phil suddenly stopped with a screech. We're in the middle of a railway bridge atop the calm river waters of the town. "Let's see who can hang down the longest in this bridge, then everyone has to obey the winner."

The mischievous smirk on his arrogant face reminded us of our current predicament. Phil had always been the tallest and the toughest. He was also reckless and spontaneous. Corey, Danilo, and I glanced between each other as we watched our grinning friend. His head lowered and he peeked under the bridge. He clutched the railings with his long fingers while his feet hang and hovered from the ground from trying to see what's hidden below.

"Careful Phil, you might fall," Danilo whispered like the loudness of his voice could push our friend from the bridge. Corey and I shook our head. Phil knew that no one had courage like him to even suggest such a risky activity. We might enjoy playing in each other's company, but we're ten-year-old boys who're still scared of looking down from high places.

"We won't do it," I said stepping in front of the other two. Phil looked at me with a raised eyebrow before nodding. He did it. Phil did it as if it was nothing. I envied his courage and strength back then. Over the years, he became my goal.

Eight years later, Phil jumped off the same railway bridge. Until now, I wondered if he was better off without that courage.

"Stop that." I murmured. Beams of light hit my eyelids causing my eyes to squint. My consciousness returned to the same port. Waves crashed against the large rocks. Black-tailed seagulls flew from where they're perched. The eerie whizzing sounds reverted to murmurs from a crowd of students. My arms unwound around my shin as I straightened my legs. I opened my eyes to stare at her, my new friend. "Yvette, you're blocking the view."

"Shush dickhead. The bus is waiting for you. Did you sleep? It's noon and we had to head to a restaurant near the town. If you don't want to miss your ride home, you better drag your arse and stop sulking." Her red hair harshly and angrily whipped onto her face, but she ignored it. Her fiery obsidian eyes glared at me. I felt like it almost rivalled the sun's glare. My eyes closed again before breathing a long sigh.

"Fine." Ignoring her protests from behind, I head towards the purple bus. From all the places that we had to visit for our field trip, it just had to be my hometown. My money was now wasted. If only I knew of our destination, I would have opted for a day in community service.

The nostalgia and dark memories would never be worth it.

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Warmth engulfed my body as the bus's doors closed shut behind. The citrus scent of lemon filled the interior of the vehicle. As soon as I entered their line of sights, they sighed in exasperation, scratched their napes, and averted their eyes. Our instructor glanced at me from head to toe with judgment in her eyes. Hearing the swooshing of the opening doors as Yvette followed, I rushed towards the back.

"Hey." The eighteen-year-old teen sitting beside the window said as I approached. I took a seat beside him as the engine hummed. "Did Yvette piss you off again? You should stop scowling or people will think that you reverted back to being suicidal."

"Shut your mouth Danilo." The grinning teen chuckled before leaning against the window. His brown hair flopped to the side. As I glance at his reflection, I saw a once cowardly seven-year-old kid. Those hazel rounded eyes of his never changed after ten years. Watching his features contort into a doubtful expression, I added. "I was never suicidal."

"I thought you'll remember Phil since we're in our hometown. I guess, you really didn't care about us after all." The coldness in his tone slid down my spine and brought shivers on my skin. I averted my eyes, the back of my head thumped as I leaned back. Danilo didn't know anything about me... and him. Closing my eyes, I willed myself to be indifferent. Pretending that I didn't give a damn took a toll, but I promised Phil that I would. For his sake, for the sake of the people around me, and for my own sake.

"What? Don't you have anything to say? Aeron, he was my friend too." A painful twinge erupted in my chest. I felt eyes boring at the side of my face, but I ignored it. Just like what I'd always done. "You're a coward."

"I don't want to hear that from you."

Danilo scoffed. I rolled my eyes at his behaviour. We'd been arguing about the same matter for months. I'd been giving him the same response for months. He's been relentless for the same months. Then, he asked the same question that he'd been throwing at me with spite. "How can you act like it's not your fault at all?"

I took a deep breath before closing my eyes. Mastering the art of pretending was easy if I was alone. However, when I'm surrounded by other people, the façade cracked. Loneliness would never be more apparent than inside a large crowd. Feeling a presence sat beside me, I opened my eyes to stare at a frowning Yvette.

"Did you fight with him, again?" She demanded with crossed arms. I gave him a side-long glance, but as our eyes met, he angrily turned his head. The passing scenery of rows of trees with red and orange shaded leaves passed in a blur as we moved. "I thought I told you two to stop it already. I can't even hang out with the two of you without suffering in an awkward and tense atmosphere. No one even wanted to tell me the reason why you have bad blood between you two. Just tell me so I can help."

Danilo must had noticed the genuineness in her voice when he turned and looked at Yvette. Or so I'd lead myself to believe. The scowl on his face showed the contrary. The sneer in his tone was clear as day when he spoke. "Yvette, it's none of your business. You don't know anything so stay out of it. You'll never understand."

"I was only trying to help." Closing my eyes, I breathed a sigh of exasperation. Caught between an argument between two stubborn teenagers inside an isolated moving vehicle would aggravate anyone. "How dare you single me out when I'm also your friend. It's been months, Danilo. Why are you so insistent in bothering Aeron? He hadn't done anything against you."

Danilo snapped. Their heavy breathing and suffocating tension clogged my throat. I itched to pull the blade from my pocket as their loud voices bombarded me from either side. "Exactly. He did something to Phil, and he refuses to tell me anything."

"Phil?" The unsaid question clung in the air. Before Danilo could add anything against me, I cleared my throat.

"Yvette, shut it. Leave him alone. Don't bother with the two of us. I don't think that you can help. I appreciate your intentions, but we don't need it." After my intervention, they remained silent. Without confirming if they understand what I wanted to say, I slumped on my seat.

Darkness invaded my thoughts as another dream from yesterday attacked my slumber.

To be continued...

Preview of chapter 2:

Dusk set in as the horizon hid half of the orange sun. Crickets chirped in the surroundings. I noted half of my torso dangerously hovered outside the railings. My feet anchored my body on the bridge, but if I let go... I'd be free. Glancing at my left hand tightly grasping the railing, I glared willing for it to let go. "Come on, Aeron. Be brave. Just like Phil."

I wish I hadn't let go of your hand. You sustained me the whole time. What would I do without you? The small things that I overlooked didn't looked like mere trivial things right now. Back then, every season changed beautifully. I wanted to forget. Like insects flocking towards a firelight, I stared, enamored by the depth underneath the bridge. "I won't apologize, Phil. I'll thank you when I met you there.

"Aeron!"