He looked at it a while longer, his eyelids sinking halfway, leaving only a bit of his dark pupils and iris exposed.

Qiu Ling gulped. Oh … yes. This was … very, very dangerous. He should bring Jing He back to his palace now. He wanted to move but just then, a slender hand reached out and touched his chest, as if feeling for his heartbeat. Qiu Ling looked up and found Jing He still looking at him in the same way. "Jing He …"

"Longjun … must think badly of me."

"How could I?"

"As a god I …" He glanced at the table, then outside of the pavilion and finally back at Qiu Ling. "It’s already in the middle of the night. Longjun … Longjun came here for business?"

"I …"

"That has to be it …" Jing He didn’t wait for an answer. Memories flooded his head, images of Qiu Ling in the Nine Heavens. The way he smiled, the way his eyes sparkled in the sun, the beautiful black hair running down his back, accentuating his broad shoulders and slim waist …

Jing He reached up and covered his face halfway, leaving only those half-lidded eyes that had been driving Qiu Ling crazy anyway. Now there was a special light to them as if a veil had been lifted, exposing a frightening clarity. And yes, at this moment, Jing He felt as if he had had an epiphany. So he had had such indecent thoughts about this man for a long time.

"Ah." He gave another surprised sigh, making Qiu Ling shudder.

"My love …" Don’t do this to me! I’m already doing my hardest to hold back! You can’t expect even more from me!

Jing He wasn’t able to think about it though. He felt deeply ashamed of himself but at the same time, he couldn’t help but notice how close the man he had longed for was. And this … this was a beautiful night …

Jing He leaned in closer and his other hand joined the first on Qiu Ling’s chest. "Longjun must be here on official business … Did you come to see my father, the Heavenly Emperor?"

"I … came to see you."

"Ah." Jing He nodded. "I must have invited you. This time, this place … I don’t know what evil spirit possessed me to do something so daring. But, Longjun, I long for you. To see you, to … feel you … You must think of me as indecent."

"Ah?" Qiu Ling couldn’t think of anything. Why was his beloved saying this type of thing while sitting on his lap? And why was he leaning so close?!

"I … have never loved a man … before this …"

"Uhm … I know." Qiu Ling gulped. Shit. Was that his voice?

"Inviting you here … it must have been for a special reason."

"Mn. We … we wanted to drink together."

"Then have we done that?"

"Mn. We … we did."

"Then … what are we supposed to do now?"

"I … I think it would be good if I brought you back to your palace."

"Ngh." Jing He murmured an answer but it sounded only like a sigh. His breath tickled Qiu Ling’s cheek and goosebumps rose on his skin.

He had to rub his hands on his robe to get rid of the sweat before he dared to lift Jing He onto his arms and get up.

Jing He encircled Qiu Ling’s neck and put his head onto his shoulder, another sigh escaping his lips. He languidly watched as Qiu Ling carried him through the familiar garden and into his palace, taking large strides toward the bed.

Qiu Ling put him down and wanted to step back but Jing He held onto him. His breath hitched and for a moment, he considered lying down beside him or maybe … maybe … He closed his eyes and took a deep, shaky breath. Unfortunately, what he smelled was a mix of wine and his beloved’s fresh, flowery scent. He shuddered and had to force himself to open his eyes. He reached up and disentangled his beloved’s fingers, pushing those arms down.

Jing He didn’t resist. In his intoxicated state, the mere touch of Qiu Ling seemed like the fulfillment of his wishes.

Unfortunately, Qiu Ling pulled back after only a moment. He first sat up on the bed and then even got to his feet. Right now, he knew that he couldn’t stay behind. He had to leave or he couldn’t guarantee that he wouldn’t do something that couldn’t be undone. And tomorrow morning, Jing He would certainly regret.

He wanted to go but something pulled at his sleeve. He looked down and found a slender hand curled into the fabric. Qiu Ling took another deep breath and looked back. "Jing He, my love, it’s alright. You just go to sleep."

Jing He rubbed his legs together. "Alone?"

Qiu Ling swayed on the spot. Ah … this was … too tempting.

Jing He fought himself into a sitting position and smiled. "Longjun, you have followed my invitation and come to drink with me at this time of the day. You even brought me back to my palace, putting me on the bed. Do you really want to go now?"

Qiu Ling tightened his lips and gently pulled his sleeve out of Jing He’s grip. "Let’s talk about that tomorrow, alright?"

Jing He didn’t answer but he didn’t seem like he wanted to continue keeping him back either.

Qiu Ling didn’t know whether he should be disappointed or glad. He took a last look at Jing He and turned away, walking to the door.

Before he had passed half the way, there was the rustling of clothes behind him. "Longjun!" Jing He got up from the bed and took a few unsteady steps toward the leaving figure.

"Jing He!" Qiu Ling hurried back and caught him in his arms before Jing He could fall. "Jing He, why did you get up again? You … You’re drunk. You shouldn’t —"

"Longjun." Those slender hands once again grabbed onto his robes. "Longjun …"

Qiu Ling sighed. He picked Jing He up again, strode over to the bed and put him down. He held him down, leaned over and kissed his forehead. "Be good. We can talk about everything tomorrow morning when you’re sober again."

"I am very clear."

"Mn. Since that’s the case you can wait a few more hours, yes? Because I’m not quite clear right now."

Jing He lowered his gaze and Qiu Ling got up once again and turned to leave. This time, he managed to reach the door and heaved a sigh of relief. Just when he wanted to step outside Jing He’s voice sounded behind him.

"Longjun!"

Qiu Ling looked up at the ceiling but didn’t turn around. If he did, wouldn’t the same thing happen again?

"Longjun." Once again, fabric rustled but only a few steps could be heard before he stopped. "What is it that Longjun doesn’t like about me? Is it … is it that I’m not beautiful enough? Is it that … my personality isn’t appealing to you? Or is it that Longjun was interested before but lost his interest because of my behavior tonight? Does Longjun think … I’m a loose person?"

Qiu Ling reached out to stabilize himself on the door frame. Just what was his beloved saying there?

"Is Longjun disgusted with me?"

"No …"

"Then … why does Longjun not wish to spend the night here?"

"You’re drunk …"

"I appreciate Longjun’s attempt to spare my feelings."

Qiu Ling knew that this would be a good opportunity to leave but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. How could he leave his beloved with the impression that he didn’t like him for even a single night? This wasn’t right! "I … I didn’t attempt anything like that."

"Then Longjun considers staying?"

Qiu Ling sighed. Could somebody tell him again just how had he come up with the idea of making his beloved drink?

"I have … already gone this far. I guess there is no way to sink any further in Longjun’s regard."

The rustling of fabric sounded behind Qiu Ling, making him tense. That … What was Jing He doing? The answer came with the quiet rustle of something falling to the ground. Qiu Ling gulped. Jing He hadn’t worn an overcoat tonight. So if something had fallen to the ground …

Against better knowledge, he glanced over his shoulder. Jing He’s belt lay to his feet and his outer robe slowly slid to the side, uncovering the white inner robe below. Qiu Ling gulped. Today … had really been one of his worse ideas.

Jing He lowered his gaze and his fingers curled into his sleeves. "Longjun, I have … admired you for such a long time. I know a man like you won’t even consider me but … since you have come here, maybe you could at least give me this one night. I won’t expect more than that." The outer robe slid from his shoulders and gathered in a bright wave on the ground.

Qiu Ling took a ragged breath and licked his lips. If Jing He wasn’t drunk … then maybe he could say yes. No, if Jing He wasn’t drunk, then he would have long been lying on that bed with him. Unfortunately … he had had the brilliant idea to make his beloved drunk. Giving in now would mean to take advantage of him. He didn’t want that.

"Longjun …" Jing He once again whispered his lover’s title as if he wanted to tempt him further, as if he was intent on making him unable to resist tonight.

Qiu Ling couldn’t help but turn around, his gaze wandering over Jing He’s body that was only covered by the thin inner robe. Actually … he couldn’t see much more than usual. The robe might be thin but the fabric was of high quality and couldn’t be seen through. It was just that … it clung to his body a bit more tightly than the outer robe did. His beloved’s slender frame was especially well displayed this way.

His eyes burned with desire, prompting Jing He to take a step out of the heap of fabric on the ground and toward him. "Longjun. Just … just for tonight." He lifted his gaze to Qiu Ling’s face and reached out. The sleeve slid back, exposing a slender wrist.

Qiu Ling stared at that bit of exposed skin. He wanted to go over and wrap him in his arms. He wanted to hold him and kiss him but … What then? Tomorrow morning, Jing He would regret this. Letting him lose his first night in a drunken stupor … How would he make it up to him?

"Longjun …" Jing He’s gaze grew desperate and he took another step, still reaching out for the man he loved. "Do you need me to beg you? Is it that? Can’t you convince yourself before I lay down all of my dignity? Do I disgust you that much?"

"No." Qiu Ling frowned.

"No? So you … you wouldn’t consider me even then?" Jing He retracted his hand and grabbed the lapel of his inner robe, lowering his head. "Longjun … must really despise me." Tears gathered in his eyes, hidden by the shadow his hair covered his face in. Why did this man have to hate him? Why couldn’t he reciprocate his feelings? Ah, but how could a man like Longjun do so? How could he … be satisfied with somebody like him? Longjun deserved only the best. A man as perfect as he couldn’t be put off with a defective person.

Ah, there was no way his wishes could be fulfilled. A life with this man … it was impossible to achieve. But then … then he at least wanted this night. At the very least, he would have this one fond memory of being with him. Whatever happened in the future, he would be able to think back. That man’s face while he held him, the smell of his sweat, the warmth of his skin … If he had to become even more defective to experience that, he didn’t mind.

His hands tugged and the inner robe became undone and fell to the ground, exposing his naked skin. He looked up at Qiu Ling, the tears on his cheeks painfully visible. "Longjun." He didn’t dare to say more. He only hoped this man wouldn’t be merciless and take pity on him.

Qiu Ling didn’t even have time to appreciate his beloved’s beauty. Seeing those tears … his mind went blank. He rushed over without conscious thought and wrapped him into his arms, providing Jing He with the warmth he had desired. "Jing He … My love, why do you cry?"

Jing He didn’t answer. His hands found Qiu Ling’s chest and he raised his head, his lips brushing his lover’s jaw. "Longjun …" His breath tickled Qiu Ling’s skin, making him shudder.

"Jing He." He picked him up onto his arms and carried him back to the bed, carefully putting him down. "Wait a moment."

Jing He sat up when Qiu Ling turned around. His tears trickled down his cheeks again. Would Longjun leave now?

But Qiu Ling just went to gather the clothes Jing He had taken off. He put them over his arm and smoothed out the fabric while trying to calm his madly beating heart. He had no idea what to do. He couldn’t sleep with Jing He. He couldn’t leave either or his beloved would be depressed. He didn’t want that.

He turned back to the bed but didn’t go over immediately. Instead, he went to put the outer robe and the belt over the folding screen standing to the side, then he carried the inner robe over. "Are you cold?"

Jing He shook his head. He wasn’t cold. On the contrary, he felt warm. Very warm. As if he was burning inside.

Qiu Ling sat down at the edge of the bed and reached out, cupping Jing He’s cheek. "You’re … beautiful. The most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. There is nothing about you that I don’t like."

Jing He’s tears stopped flowing and he looked up at the person he admired in wonder. Could this be true? Or had he fallen asleep and was having a beautiful dream?

Qiu Ling brushed Jing He’s hair back and touched his bare shoulder. He gulped but forced the excitement gripping his body down. He was only calming him down. He wouldn’t do anything. "You … you are the person I have decided on. Don’t talk about just this night. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Jing He smiled but once again, a tear trickled down his cheek. So this was indeed a dream. It figured. This was too beautiful to happen to him. But if that was the case … he might as well indulge in this dream.

He reached out and encircled Qiu Ling’s neck, his lips curling into a smile. "If that is the case, why doesn’t Longjun start with this night? I am ready for you. You just … need to take what you desire."

Qiu Ling took a deep breath and sighed. "You can’t imagine how much I long to do just that. Unfortunately … I’m too nice for that." Qiu Ling nodded. Ah, he was such a good guy! His beloved should be happy when he woke up tomorrow. "I think that … this type of thing should be done in a special way. Not when you’re drunk but when all your senses will be with you.

"Maybe … I’m just selfish. I want you to remember every last detail about it. I want you … to think of it every now and then and blush as if you were experiencing it again at that very moment. I want to fill all of your thoughts. I and I alone." He leaned down and kissed Jing He’s cheek, taking away that tear and inducing the blush he had just been talking about. "For tonight … Let’s just lie down and sleep. I want to hold you in my arms. That … would make me very happy."

Qiu Ling pulled his lover down onto the bed and gently helped him back into the inner robe before he covered him with the blanket. Only then did he take him back into his arms and kissed his forehead.

"Sleep for now. Tomorrow morning, we can talk about this again."

Jing He nodded. It was alright. Even though he had hoped for more, he should be content to rest in this man’s arms for tonight. That was … already more than he had imagined at the beginning.