And lo, he stairs into the sunset, awaiting his future. What do the portents of the future hold for this man of danger, this man of wonder, this man of the people? And there, she arrives upon a white steed of weed and pot smoke to join him upon the tops of Mount Olympus...the Hookah Lounge. 

At this point, I sit waiting in my loveliest date attire, which most of my friends give me $h1T about...which is jeans and more importantly the long-sleeved shirt with the sleeves folded up. 

Now, this may seem reasonable, except I ALWAYS have my sleeves rolled up and people think it's odd. But no, it's cause I'm a frickin giant. I am six foot seven...

THEY DON'T MAKE CLOTHES FOR ME. Do you know the Big and Tall stores? Yeah, you have to be BIG and tall. I'm six foot seven and built like a guard rail. So, when I roll my sleeves up? It's not because I "Like the look" It's cause there aren't clothes that fit someone with my frame. My arms are insanely long even for my body, so I need to have clothes flat out custom made sometimes to fit my freaking frame. 

So, rant over. Back to our story. I'm sure you'd rather hear about my dating escapades and not my outerwear struggles. 

So there I am, waiting and I call and finally get ahold of my soon to be a temptress and I find out...yes...she forgot about the date we had planned just three hours before our meeting. 

But, I remind her, thinking, Okay Herrick, you got this. Make it work. You've made harder stuff work...right? 

Which, indeed I actually had (as you may have read in my previous stories), so a late female companion is not really much to be worried about I imagine. And here, I was fortunate to learn that I was indeed correct. 

Hold the presses! Yes, for once this massive incredible dork was right! It actually would go well! But how? Well, that is why I want you on the edge of your seat. Because while other stories are about my failures, this is one of the ones that are not. 

So, she arrives and of course, as the title implies, she was out of her mind! I can tell. Now, it's not that oh a few bong hits and I'll write a term paper stoned. I mean like...Cheech and Chong would be proud stoned. She is misty-eyed, incredibly sleepy-eyed, and barely conscious during the first 20 minutes of this meeting. 

But, I see her, she arrives, and she clearly has not put tons of effort into herself. Now, this is not in a judgemental sense, she was actually quite pretty, she just hadn't brushed her hair, her clothes were pretty plain, and she was wearing comfortable outerwear. Me myself, I am not super judgemental as far as how people dress. I tend to ignore it, and I only mention it as another telling detail of how odd this date was going to go. 

So, we meet, hug, and the conversation gets better and better (As she sobers up from being as stoned as she was). And after a while, I decide, you know? She's a lot of fun to hang out with! She's funny, witty, and she even is telling me a bit about how she felt about me when we met up. 

Hooooowever, she also says some questionable stuff...like a conspiracy theory, tin hat type stuff. So, here's a rather impressive list for you. 

- She sued a place I used to work at and got a large chunk of change (whether this is or is not true is entirely irrelevant. I did not know of it before meeting her, and I never learned about it from where I work, nor did I follow-up because...quite frankly, I did not care.)

- She apparently (according to her) was one of the most skilled programmers in the United States. (Yes, I'm deadly serious) 

- She had a Maserati that was just left with the keys on the seat somewhere in Austin...or some other 

- She had a 50,000$ TV that was a roll-up TV (Not a projector mind you) that was on her wall in her apartment

- And according to her, she was picked up by her ex all the time in limos. He kept trying to get with her, but she did not care about his money. 

I'm going to be honest...just reading this stuff it sounds like a steaming pile of Area 51 mess. However, one thing you should know about me is...I take everything at face value, and I give everyone the benefit of the doubt. So...I'm baaaaaasically buying aaaall of it. 

Yes...you read that right. I am indeed that dense. 

At this point, I decided that I'm enjoying spending time with her and I'd like to do other stuff. So, I ask if she'd like to make dinner. We had been smoking hookah for quite a while at this point, and I was getting both parched and hungry. 

I'm huge on splitting the bill (at the time) and my reasoning at the time was this: A partnership is supposed to be even, so a 50/50 split is essential to make sure a precedent is that I'd be paying for everything. I have since revised this rule, which is to be more flexible. I touched on my reasoning in earlier posts. 

So, I ask if she'd like to go, but she informs me she left her wallet at home. Considering all the stories, she'd told me about full financial richness...you know...I figured she had a lot of money and when she offered to pay for the next one...I took her at her word...you know...

Cause I'm stupid. 

So, I decided to take her to a place I like a lot, which turned out to be incredibly expensive. 

So we go to dinner, and at this point, she's no longer high as ballz, so it's a pretty awesome conversation. She starts taking snaps of our food and posting it to Instagram because it's a downright gorgeous place to eat. Our great conversation continues. 

As dinner is winding down, I ask if she wants to go back to my place and watch a movie. You know..."Netflix and Chill". 

Now, I want to make something clear. 

I despise one night stands. The main reason, when I have sex with someone, I form an emotional connection with that person. I want to spend time with them again and intrinsically the nature of a one night stand is in and out, goodbye. I also have mild abandonment issues, so the idea of someone I like leaving my life is somewhat disconcerting. 

So! (as corny as that sounds) My invitation to her was not to "Netflix and chill" it was to ACTUALLY Netflix and chill. I just wanted to hang out. Of course...that's not what happened. 

We go and grab drinks at a local gas station, then head to my house. 

Now, this is where I'll cut the details out. What I do in the bedroom is no one's business, except myself and the gal. The only thing I'll say is we had a lovely time together. One thing led to another and...we practiced making babies (if you know what I'm saying). 

And, the crowning glory of this story. I proved definitively that the big bang happened. 

What happened? Why did it happen? Well, I can only guess that it was because I was comfortable with her, and the pressure was off. I was not in any position to impress her, I liked spending time with her, and we had such a lovely night that I was not even thinking about it. We just fell into the throes of passion, so to speak, and I let the night take me away. 

The most important thing to me was just proving it was possible. Once I had done that, the rest fell into place. I honestly suggest the same to anyone that has this issue, make it a goal to prove to yourself. It worked for me. Hopefully, it works for you. 

And ever since, I've had 0 problems performing. 

So, my advice for the day. 

Paying on the first date should be a judgment call. I advocate for your judgment and freedom when it comes to dating and paying on the first date, whether you are a guy or girl, straight, gay, bi, or other. How you spend your money and who you spend it on is important. I have a few rules of thumb there to follow for you. 

1. Always be prepared to pay your way. No matter where you fall on the flip of a coin, it is not ever the other person's responsibility to pay for your life. It is a privilege and a gift. 

2. Don't forget your wallet. I can't count the number of times I have forgotten my wallet, and it is highly embarrassing. 

3. Be flexible. Even if you enter in expecting to pay or not to pay, be flexible in letting the other person do what they want to do. For example, if you offer to pay, but the girl wants to pay her way, let her. It makes some people uncomfortable having someone else pay for them because then they feel like they owe that person. 

4. Don't choose an excessively expensive place, unless there is mutual consent. Someone has to pay and if either or both parties can't afford it, don't go. I advocate for cheap dates (other than apparently this story) as much as possible. I see it as a way to eliminate the X-factor. Almost everyone has 5$ to burn on a drink at a bar. 

5. be gracious. If someone does pay for the date, you don't owe them physical favors, but a thank you is essential. And also, that is a recognition that your time was important to them. 

 - End of Episode -

Smash that heart button to get the book some love.

Hit the add to library button to become a part of the Swipe Right community.

And, throw a comment down there to let me know what you think.