Obviously to any outsider nothing had changed between them.

Without paying any mind to what was going inside their heads, they looked like usual. They walked to campus by each other’s side, ate together and barely were seen with anyone else outside of class. Then their classes would end, and they’d meet in their room, like they always did, where their desks had been brought closer toward the middle so that they could study by each other’s side.

Most days they’d listen to music together, sharing headphones on their way to the computer sciences main classes building or putting it on speaker mode when they studied. Surrounded by music they barely felt the need to talk. In fact, music could easily reduce their small conversations to silence. Somehow, they didn’t even need words even if they had met only three weeks ago. Étienne would know Daniel’s mood by his choice of music, Daniel would know how Étienne felt by the way he reacted to his songs.

Some days the younger one was picky. Other days he would listen to anything without complaining. Daniel noticed happier songs improved his friend’s mood on darker days and he did his best to find some. Étienne noticed the change of style but never would say it out loud. In truth, it only made him happier because it showed just how much Daniel cared.

However, their heard were swarming with thoughts.

Every time their arms brushed. Every smile, attention, details. Whenever a romantic song played and that Daniel would skip it within the first fifteen seconds or so. Anytime anything happened. From small things to everything.

But they kept quiet out of fear of being alone in their respective dreams. They kept their facade up so that no one could ever notice what they were feeling. Not even them could notice how much they impacted the other.

And Daniel was confused. He had had some crushes before, but he always had shut it down. Some girl in his senior high school year who had seemed to like him back was suddenly erased from his life, and he avoided girls ever since. Never he would have thought he had to keep his guard up around a boy. But Étienne was too cute. His small hands, his smile that instantly made you feel special, his slightly crooked front teeth, his everything…

Daniel shook his head. He could not believe he was having such thoughts. He was stuck alone with his feelings as there was no one he could talk to. No friends, no relatives; alone with his spiraling mind. He definitely could not talk about it to the only friend he had.

And now he didn't want to let go so much that his own stubbornness scared him. He wanted to get closer to Étienne but also needed to keep a distance from him for his own sanity. Étienne would soon leave him behind. Lovers as well as friend would leave.

Just as his “loving” mother did.