POV: Scarlet

I sit on my bed and stare at the box. What a silly present but I think I really like it. It must have taken her forever to put it together. Hours even, maybe days.

“What’s in it?” Reyna asks.

“Nothing, it’s just silly.” I set it off to the side.

She frowns at me.

We eye each other for a moment before Ray tackles me to the bed and then reaches over me for the box.

“Rey!” I complain.

“No way, the suspense has been killing me all day.” She moves to sit up and open it.

“Stop it!” I try and take it from her.

She opens the box.

Her face contorts into confusion. She pulls out the cd player and headphones. Then the small booklet with seashells glued to the cover. Lastly an apple keychain.

“It’s not yours.” I snatch the contents from her and put them back in the box.

She picks up the lid and reads what’s written on the bottom.

‘Enjoy the experience, our experience. For every happy moment, we have shared together, and many more to come.’ There is a tiny heart drawing then Maddy written next to it.

I take the lid and close the box.

I glance over to Rey and I can see her bubbling with anger and frustration. She grits her teeth and the veins in her neck bulge out. She is definitely pissed.

“I told you it was silly.” I set it off to the side again.

She is silent.

“Reyna come on, don’t be pissed. She made it for me for Christmas, she was only giving it to me as her way of moving on.” I lie.

“I saw you,” she says.

I raise my eyebrow.

“I saw you dig it out of the trash.” She says.

Damn. Well, there goes that lie.

“Rey come on, don’t be mad.”

“Why did you go after it?” she asks.

I shrug.

She takes a shaky breath and runs her hands down her face.

“You’re thinking about it aren’t you,” she says into her hands.

“huh?”

“You are thinking about getting back with her. I can see it written all over your face.”

There is a long tense moment of silence.

“Tell me I’m wrong, tell me something, please.” She turns to look at me.

I turn my head away and avoid her gaze.

“Well, that answers that then.” She gets up.

“What are you doing?” I stand up too.

She ignores me and goes over to her bag and starts packing up all her stuff.

“Hey, stop.” I grab her hand.

She yanks it free and continues packing.

“Rey come on, seriously? You are going to make a big deal out of this?”

“How can I compete with that!?” she shouts.

“What?”

“You two, the way you both look at each other. Anyone with eyes can see it. You love her and she loves you. The only thing standing in the way is me. Just one glance at her is enough to get you all bothered. How can I compete with that? I want this to work, so badly I want this to work. I want you to be my second chance. I want to finally find my happiness, but that’s not going to happen is it… I want to be with someone who wants to be with me. And you, all you can do is look at her. I took a chance on you, I let myself feel again. I thought you could be different, but I was wrong. You aren’t my second chance, in fact, I am starting to believe there is no such thing.” She zips up her suitcase and grabs her backpack.

“Reyna don’t go.” I whimper.

“The only reason why you want me here is that I fill the void she left inside of you. I don’t want to be a space filler. I want… just forget it.” she walks towards the door.

I wrap myself around her from behind preventing her from leaving.

“I’m sorry okay. Please don’t go.” I kiss her on the neck.

“Damn you! You fucking asshole. You made me feel again. You made me think it was possible. You let me believe that this could be something more. When you knew all along your heart belongs to her. Don’t touch me. Please, just let me go. I’ve learned my lesson.”

“Do you love me?” I ask.

She is silent for a long time.

“It doesn’t matter what I feel.” She finally says before yanking free of me.

“Reyna, you said you didn’t. You said that things didn’t have to be serious between us.”

“I told you what you wanted to hear!”

“What?”

“I told you what I knew would put you at ease. I knew if I came in too strong you would run away from me. I wanted you to fall in love with me on your own. Truth is I loved you from the moment I saw you. Every I second we spent together only made me fall deeper. In California, the way you protected me from my ex. The way you held me in your arms as I cried. I let myself believe that maybe, just maybe you could feel the way about me as I feel about you. When you asked me if I loved you, I knew if I said yes that you would get scared that things were getting too serious between us. I knew you weren’t ready for that. I thought I was doing the right thing by protecting you. Now I see I was just a fool blinded, again. Just… forget it. Forget me.” she walks out the door and closes it softly.

Damn it. I should have known. I should have seen it. Of course, she fucking loves me. She would have to in order to put up with my bullshit. God damn it. I’m so stupid. Fuck. I’m such a piece of shit. Way to go. Add that to the list of shitty things I’ve done.

Fuck.

Am I just a life runnier?

Everyone who falls for me ends up so fucked up. I just fuck everyone up. I guess that’s what happens when you fall for a piece of shit like me. I’m a monster, a heart breaker. Home smasher. No one should ever love a piece of shit like me.

I grab my keys off the counter and walk out the door. Soon enough I drive to the liquor store. When I walk in the cashier sighs and shakes his head at me.

“Shut up.” I snap at him.

“I didn’t say anything.” He holds up his hands in surrender.

I go and grab my usual and set it on the counter.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asks.

“Just fucking ring it up already.”

He sighs again and rings up the purchase.

I pull out my card. Do I really want to do this? Fuck. What the hell am I doing? Fuck, fuck me. fucking hell.

“Just walk away.” He says.

“What you give life advice now?” I joke through tears.

“Maybe I should.” He jokes back.

“Fucking hell.” I bang my head against the candy display.

“Last chance to do the right thing.” He says.

“Aren’t you supposed to be selling me stuff not preventing me from coming back?” I snap at him.

“Please, this store has made enough money off of you over the past few months.”

“Just fuck off.” I slap my card down.

He sighs.

He grabs the card and slides it. The transaction goes through. He hands me back the card and puts my stuff in paper bags.

“See you next week.” He says as I walk out.

Asshole.

When I get home I set the whiskey down on the table and sit across from it. Might as well face facts. I’m not going anywhere in life. I am going to wind up miserable, used and abused, just like Isabel. Or worse, I’ll become like Carmen. Or even worse than that, I’ll wind up on some street corner selling my life away. I am a piece of shit. I don’t deserve to be loved by anyone.

I’m just a selfish, arrogant, asshole.

Yep.

That should do it. There are no redeeming qualities about me so might as well finish off this shit show with a bang.

I reach for the bottle and open it up. The smell alone makes my mouth water.

My phone rings. I glance at the caller i.d. goddamn sherry. She really does have a 6th sense. Fuck. Well, she’s not here right so she can fuck off too. I throw my phone so hard at the wall it shatters to pieces. Then I lift the bottle to my lips.

For a moment I just let it rest there.

I feel pathetic, crying over a bottle of whiskey. Not even the good kind, the cheap kind. Here I am like a sad little girl just holding the bottle to my lips as I cry like a toddler. God damn it. Just drink it already.

Just one sip.

Just do it you coward.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes.

To be continued...

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