“A miserable life”

So many times Shinkuu said that to herself, looking towards the starry sky from the window of her room. That night, every star was shining brighter than usual, surpassing the cloud of smog that usually covers the city’s sky.

- A miserable life... Why should I continue like this? I just can't find a reason...

Her room was only illuminated by distant stars, emphasizing the lonely and sad girl's face, reflection of the feelings that indeed were struggling in her chest. Since long ago she has been meditating about taking her own life, but always delaying the fact because of that natural fear of dead that any living being has. But that night, after so many nights of muffled cries, she decided that the next night would be the last one. She was so grieved she even almost forgot the pleasure of being alive. Perhaps, that happiness never existed, she often thought. After a last look at the sky, with a sigh, she turned towards her bed, closing the curtains behind her. One look was given to the table, where only a little glass bottle stood. “Tomorrow everything will finish...” With these thoughts, between the melancholy and relief, the girl lay on the bed and, with tears flowing through her face, she fell asleep after another night of grief.

Once again, the sun raised from east, illuminating the Italian spring. About seven in the morning, Shinkuu was already prepared for her last day. She descended the stairs slowly, as she didn't want to annoy anyone but, few seconds later, remembered that she was alone at home. Again. Her parents were not at home. In front of the stairs was the entrance to the kitchen and, next to it, a little table where there were a telephone and some framed photos: a Japanese woman about thirty years old hugging an Italian man that, regardless of the young appearance, he was fifty-one years old. Shinkuu looked to the picture with scorn. Many years ago, her mother met her new husband and for six years they have been living in North Italy. Shinkuu's stepfather was a good-looking busyness man that, because of his job, often travels around the world. This time he was in a trip together with his wife and they wouldn’t return home for a while to enjoy the Canary Islands. When he isn't on a trip, the man comes back home only in the night; the mother, after household duties are done, usually pays a visit to some friend to have a chat. Thanks to the husband's money, she was able to make for herself a good reputation among the richest families in the zone.

For those reasons, have a simple breakfast alone while watching the TV was Shinkuu’s daily life. Of course, at school she wasn't less lonely. After look to the weather cast for the day, she went outside home with a purple bag filled with some textbooks , although she wouldn't be able to say if the books were indeed those needed for the classes of the day, since she haven’t checked her bag for some time. She was walking through the streets absorbed in her thoughts, almost not paying attention to her surroundings. In the left pocket of her black sweatshirt, she was carrying her little bottle. “I could do it near to the river, so they will not find my body... Hmm... Maybe it’s better avoid that, I don’t want to soil even more the river” She often had thoughts of being a nuisance no matter what. In one occasion in which she could take a shortcut to arrive to her destination through a park where there were many children, she decided to avoid that place, because she didn't want neither scare them with her appearance neither shade the happy faces of the kids with her sad aura. It could be easy for a “normal” person to find her somehow disturbing: her black and straight hair, typical of the Eastern people, hid totally the right side of her face, while the left side was tidy thanks to two little purple clips, the back hair was short and facing upwards, like an hedgehog ready to attack. Her ears were trimmed with several earrings, the neck with a black leather collar; her nails were painted black, and her clothes lacked bright colors: a sweatshirt, a top tank, tight trousers and shoes with protruding round nails. Her gaze sometimes reflected sadness, sometimes it observed the surroundings with indifference.

“Maybe go to school is a waste. After all, today is my last day... ”, Shinkuu thought. She stopped for a moment before the red light and, when it changed color, keep on walking. “But, on the other hand, I don't know where I could go, for now” Therefore, she decided to go to school after all. While walking towards her goal, she tried to remember all she have learned about death.

In the other side of the street, some meters behind the girl, a happy and carefree teenager was walking towards school. He was listening to music with delight with his headphones, even singing. His blonde and messy hair flowed out from a warm hat. A hoodie, jeans and sneakers completed his apparel. He was not neither a strong guy, neither a weak one. He was also a little taller than most Italians. He was listening Japanese rock music, one of that bands that were very famous in the land of the Rising Sun. Eventually, he noticed Shinkuu. He was immediately surprised: “What a particular girl, she doesn't looks like most of the girls here... Maybe is she a foreigner? Well, her hairstyle seems to be some kind of j-rock hairstyle!” ‘J- Rock’ is a name to distinguish between the Japanese rock and the western rock. His interest for the girl raised as the hyperbole that he should remember for the math lessons of that day. Following her with his gaze, he was able to perceive slightly her sadness. “I wonder what school she is attending... ” His interest rose step by step, trying to get a little nearer to the girl without being noticed. “At least I want to see her face!” He was about to run but, just when he finally was close to look at the unknown face, he hit his head with a traffic light. Behind the boy's complaints, the laughter of some passing boys crept. When he regained his composure, the girl was nowhere to be seen. “Damn, I lost sight of her! Too bad, I really wanted to see her face. Maybe even say something... ”, but he knew well that he would never do such a thing, since he was a really shy guy, when it comes to girls that he likes. “Could be a good chance to try to be brave, but now that she’s gone, it can’t be helped” The boy then just kept changing songs until found a good one to finish his walk to school. He found a song entitled “Time to say goodbye”, which he felt appropriate for his situation.

Shinkuu, while passing through the main gate of her high school, was observed with scorn by her peers, especially by the other girls. Many were the mischievous comments she had to face often, but since long ago she was indolent about it. Generally, Italian girls want to be “normal” according the society’s definition of how should be a normal girl, regarding their appeal and attitude. That's why a gloomy girl like Shinkuu was not very popular. Even more, those considered “not normal” were usually avoided or bullied in some way. “If you want to laugh to me, do so”, she thought while walking through the flow of students towards her classroom.

The first three hours of school passed away slowly and boring, due to math class and the monthly Latin exam. Of course, Shinkuu hadn't any interest on those annoying subjects. When finally break time started, the girl went towards a solitary hallway, where usually she spent her fifteen minutes of break. Walking without looking before her, the girl collided with another girl who was going outside a classroom using her smartphone.

- Ouch! Are you stupid or what?! - screamed hysterically the girl with the cell phone as she stood up.

- I'm … sorry - was the shy answer of Shinkuu, still sitting on the floor.

-  Tsk, of course you can't see with that lame haircut, emo!

The word ‘emo’ was clearly an offense towards the girl in black. The term indicates a particular kind of style among some teenagers that use dark clothes and seem to be all the time sad. A lot of them, not for fashion but for real depression, tend to hurt themselves, even cutting their own body. Some of them arrive to commit suicide. The ‘emo style’, like other youth styles born from music like the metal heads, the rappers or the punks, has its ‘rules’ about clothing and behavior. Anyway, considering the characteristics of Shinkuu, she can’t deny that is a good way to be described in a few words. Slowly she stood up, put again her bag in her left shoulder and continued to walk ignoring the annoyed girl behind her. “An emo… I think I could be considered one. Doesn’t change anything, though”.